I love Christmas time.
It puts me in a Peppermint, Hot Cocoa, Turkey and Dressing, Bows, Gifts, Diamonds, Wine, Nutcrackers, Cookies, Cobblers, Pajamas, Warm and Fuzzy state of mind...
One of the things I love MOST about Christmas is giving gifts....yes, giving, not receiving.
I do alot of things for myself...so while I do enjoy and appreciate a wonderful gift, I am much more into the spirit of giving! It's a time to reflect on the most awesome giver in my life, Jesus...so what a time to walk in his spirit and his light...than the time of his birth.
Now, I aint talking Tiffany and Chanel here...a girl has bills, but I love to give people things I think they will enjoy, they will love, they will cherish. A photobook, a handmade and painted picture frame, a set of beautiful wine glasses...
So in the spirit of giving...what can you do for someone that will put a smile on their face and make your heart all warm and fuzzy and pepperminty...
Friday, December 17, 2010
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Mad Muggles
I watched alot of Harry Potter this weekend, and I must say I love the term Muggles.
A Muggle to me is an inconsequential person, someone whose presence does not add to your life at all...
and when someone doesn't matter it usually drives them ape sh!t...hence the term, Mad Muggles.
I know alot of Mad Muggles, I am sure you do too.
I deal with them on a daily basis, and it is quite frustrating and tiring. Its like running a marathon with no end, or drinking a shake through a straw that is simply too narrow. Mad Muggles are maddening...
You might hear me refer to them often from now on...and I just wanted you to be able to share in my distaste for them...much like my distaste for mushrooms...in fact, Mad Muggles aren't unlike a fungus...
Okay, I am rambling, but you get my drift. So next time someone brings uncessary foolishness into your life, cast it out, and remember, they are simply Mad Muggles...don't feed them after dark and they should go away!
A Muggle to me is an inconsequential person, someone whose presence does not add to your life at all...
and when someone doesn't matter it usually drives them ape sh!t...hence the term, Mad Muggles.
I know alot of Mad Muggles, I am sure you do too.
I deal with them on a daily basis, and it is quite frustrating and tiring. Its like running a marathon with no end, or drinking a shake through a straw that is simply too narrow. Mad Muggles are maddening...
You might hear me refer to them often from now on...and I just wanted you to be able to share in my distaste for them...much like my distaste for mushrooms...in fact, Mad Muggles aren't unlike a fungus...
Okay, I am rambling, but you get my drift. So next time someone brings uncessary foolishness into your life, cast it out, and remember, they are simply Mad Muggles...don't feed them after dark and they should go away!
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Real Men do Real Things
They cook for you, and make your plate as a thank you for all the times you do the same for them.
They make the bed.
They sweep and mop.
They barbeque, take out the garbage, mow the lawn, clean up the leaves, and sing the baby to sleep.
They cry.
They smile.
They kiss, they hug, and they love their children, their wives, their girlfriends, their mothers, their fathers, and their friends.
They play basketball with the fellas at the park and with you in the backyard.
They give their female friends the best man advice ever!
They leave you love notes.
They tell a joke to make you laugh, in the middle of your fussing.
They love unconditionally...and with passion!
And they never have to tell you that they are "real men"!
They make the bed.
They sweep and mop.
They barbeque, take out the garbage, mow the lawn, clean up the leaves, and sing the baby to sleep.
They cry.
They smile.
They kiss, they hug, and they love their children, their wives, their girlfriends, their mothers, their fathers, and their friends.
They play basketball with the fellas at the park and with you in the backyard.
They give their female friends the best man advice ever!
They leave you love notes.
They tell a joke to make you laugh, in the middle of your fussing.
They love unconditionally...and with passion!
And they never have to tell you that they are "real men"!
The #1 Draft Pick: Post Blog
I wish I had it all figured out, I would be making Oprah money...
But alas, I don't.
What I do have figured out is that I am worthy...and once you make the decision that you are worthy, you can still improve and get better, but if you are being the best you that you possibly can in this moment, then you are worthy of love, of success, of happiness...of all of the things you desire.
When I decided I was ready to move into a new phase of my life, I took as my mantra
"I'm a MOVEMENT by myself, but we're a FORCE when we're together"
That was the only kind of person I was allowing in my life from now on, man, friend, or otherwise.
My best girl friends, they make me better. They are my sounding board. I fire things off of them like they are target practice, and they fire right back at me, not afraid to say the things that most are afraid to, but with love, honesty, and that bit of wit and humor that they know I need to swallow a tough pill!
My family, the ones that I deal with, make me better. They look like me, know me, remember me when, and no matter what I accomplish or how successful I might become, I am always KK or Baby K to them!
Then, we have the man.
The man has to do the same!
He has to make me better. He has to bring passion, love, fun, honesty, and spontaneity into my life...
He has to be ready to take on the world with me.
So, I am already enough, worthy, beautiful, and a woman created in God's image.
I need the people around me, to elevate me just a bit, so we all soar above the mundane and the monotony...to the magnificent!
Most importantly, I asked SPECIFICALLY what I wanted for God to bless me with...I was specific and on point and a little more specific! Miracles happen every day, why can't one happen to me or you, because being blessed with people around you that make you better, in a world of instant gratification, selfishness, violence, and cruelty, is definitely a miracle.
It's game time, get your face on, pull up your socks, and until that #1 Draft Pick Shows his or her face...introduce the word to the MOVEMENT!
But alas, I don't.
What I do have figured out is that I am worthy...and once you make the decision that you are worthy, you can still improve and get better, but if you are being the best you that you possibly can in this moment, then you are worthy of love, of success, of happiness...of all of the things you desire.
When I decided I was ready to move into a new phase of my life, I took as my mantra
"I'm a MOVEMENT by myself, but we're a FORCE when we're together"
That was the only kind of person I was allowing in my life from now on, man, friend, or otherwise.
My best girl friends, they make me better. They are my sounding board. I fire things off of them like they are target practice, and they fire right back at me, not afraid to say the things that most are afraid to, but with love, honesty, and that bit of wit and humor that they know I need to swallow a tough pill!
My family, the ones that I deal with, make me better. They look like me, know me, remember me when, and no matter what I accomplish or how successful I might become, I am always KK or Baby K to them!
Then, we have the man.
The man has to do the same!
He has to make me better. He has to bring passion, love, fun, honesty, and spontaneity into my life...
He has to be ready to take on the world with me.
So, I am already enough, worthy, beautiful, and a woman created in God's image.
I need the people around me, to elevate me just a bit, so we all soar above the mundane and the monotony...to the magnificent!
Most importantly, I asked SPECIFICALLY what I wanted for God to bless me with...I was specific and on point and a little more specific! Miracles happen every day, why can't one happen to me or you, because being blessed with people around you that make you better, in a world of instant gratification, selfishness, violence, and cruelty, is definitely a miracle.
It's game time, get your face on, pull up your socks, and until that #1 Draft Pick Shows his or her face...introduce the word to the MOVEMENT!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
The #1 Draft Pick: Pick Your Player
Last in our bloginar, The #1 Draft Pick...we get to the part where its time to pick our player.
Now, most of us already ahve a pick in mind. We feel like this person is right for us, he is all the things we are looking for, he is our Mr. Right. But alas...a little digging, deeper, and you can discover if you have simply fooled yourself into thinking this man is the man for you, or he has proven himself as the man for you.
1. Training Camp
All players go to training camp before the season starts, and this is where many players who have yet to be picked show their skills. Some get picked up, some don't. Now, your training camp is your dating period. You can and usually will find out 75% of what you need to know at this point. That other 25% is the meat and potatoes...but these things are just as important. Is he a gentleman, does he want to court you or bed you, is he financially stable, does he make plans for your dates, is he thoughtful, how are his basic communication skills, does he do what he says he is going to do? When you see something that strikes you as a problem, you should immediately stop and figure out if this is a deal breaker. Maybe you give him one chance, and you let him know that is not going to be tolerated, if he does it again, chances are he does not care about meeting your expectations and making you feel important to him. This is the discovery period, and many would say it is the most important period...because you get alot of information thrown at you quickly and you have to know what to do with it.
2. Pre-Season
So, you have decided to embark on a relationship with this person...and most of us know that first few months is the trial basis. If things are not working, you may not officially break up, you might just sort of fall off...you stop calling, stop talking, stop going out, seeing each other...You have gotten past dating, and know at least that this person is someone you could consider having a long term relationship with. So now what? Now, it is time to have all of those important discussions that you did not have during the dating period. He has met your kids or you have met his, now is time to discuss your views on discipline, the roles of the children's mothers and fathers, your relationship with the children's mothers and fathers. Or maybe you live in separate places, so now is the time you start talking about possible relocation, or how long you plan to have a relationship from a distance. Start having ALL of those important conversations. Again, the red flags are going to get bigger, so when you see one, take a long hard look and determine what those red flags mean to you, if they are a deal breaker or not. You have to be honest with yourself about what red flags you might be sending up as well...and remember that neither of you are perfect, but that you want someone in your life that you are willing to work through problems with as a team.
3. The Finals
A relationship is a constant growing together...you will never know EVERYTHING about another person. You will have ups and downs and problems. It is how well you get through these problems that matter the most. I skipped to the finals, because what happens inside of your relationship, following all the necessary steps to get to the finals, will determine whether you ever really make it here. I cannot tell you HOW to make it here, only what I have seen, have learned, and believe can take you from Point A, to B, to C...
So what are the finals. Well, each of us has an objective in a relationship, whether that is to find a long term committment, to be married, to start a family, etc. This is the time where you start putting your plan into action to move the relationship from a basic committment to a more defined relationship, if that is what you desire. By your plan, I mean BOTH people's plans. And most people think a plan ENDS when you get the desired result, but it does not. It includes a plan on maintaining that relationship. So, if you have picked your perfect teammate, he is going to work with you to set up a business plan and a life plan...a business plan to handle all of the business parts of a realtionship...finances, children, living, etc. A life plan to determine your day to day living, your emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. If you have picked wrong, he will rely on or defer to you to do all the work...and sit back and reap the benefits of having a hard working, dedicated woman. If you have picked wrong, he won't think this is important, and will just want to "see where things go". If you have picked wrong, he will immediately start retreating from you, because he wanted all the things that came with the long term committment, but he only wanted to go so far with you. If you have picked wrong, your instincts will tell you. It will be up to you to pack up and move on.
And pick better the next time around.
Because the key here, is when you fail to make the #1 Draft Pick...another one will always come along if you are open to it and ready for it!
Now, most of us already ahve a pick in mind. We feel like this person is right for us, he is all the things we are looking for, he is our Mr. Right. But alas...a little digging, deeper, and you can discover if you have simply fooled yourself into thinking this man is the man for you, or he has proven himself as the man for you.
1. Training Camp
All players go to training camp before the season starts, and this is where many players who have yet to be picked show their skills. Some get picked up, some don't. Now, your training camp is your dating period. You can and usually will find out 75% of what you need to know at this point. That other 25% is the meat and potatoes...but these things are just as important. Is he a gentleman, does he want to court you or bed you, is he financially stable, does he make plans for your dates, is he thoughtful, how are his basic communication skills, does he do what he says he is going to do? When you see something that strikes you as a problem, you should immediately stop and figure out if this is a deal breaker. Maybe you give him one chance, and you let him know that is not going to be tolerated, if he does it again, chances are he does not care about meeting your expectations and making you feel important to him. This is the discovery period, and many would say it is the most important period...because you get alot of information thrown at you quickly and you have to know what to do with it.
2. Pre-Season
So, you have decided to embark on a relationship with this person...and most of us know that first few months is the trial basis. If things are not working, you may not officially break up, you might just sort of fall off...you stop calling, stop talking, stop going out, seeing each other...You have gotten past dating, and know at least that this person is someone you could consider having a long term relationship with. So now what? Now, it is time to have all of those important discussions that you did not have during the dating period. He has met your kids or you have met his, now is time to discuss your views on discipline, the roles of the children's mothers and fathers, your relationship with the children's mothers and fathers. Or maybe you live in separate places, so now is the time you start talking about possible relocation, or how long you plan to have a relationship from a distance. Start having ALL of those important conversations. Again, the red flags are going to get bigger, so when you see one, take a long hard look and determine what those red flags mean to you, if they are a deal breaker or not. You have to be honest with yourself about what red flags you might be sending up as well...and remember that neither of you are perfect, but that you want someone in your life that you are willing to work through problems with as a team.
3. The Finals
A relationship is a constant growing together...you will never know EVERYTHING about another person. You will have ups and downs and problems. It is how well you get through these problems that matter the most. I skipped to the finals, because what happens inside of your relationship, following all the necessary steps to get to the finals, will determine whether you ever really make it here. I cannot tell you HOW to make it here, only what I have seen, have learned, and believe can take you from Point A, to B, to C...
So what are the finals. Well, each of us has an objective in a relationship, whether that is to find a long term committment, to be married, to start a family, etc. This is the time where you start putting your plan into action to move the relationship from a basic committment to a more defined relationship, if that is what you desire. By your plan, I mean BOTH people's plans. And most people think a plan ENDS when you get the desired result, but it does not. It includes a plan on maintaining that relationship. So, if you have picked your perfect teammate, he is going to work with you to set up a business plan and a life plan...a business plan to handle all of the business parts of a realtionship...finances, children, living, etc. A life plan to determine your day to day living, your emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. If you have picked wrong, he will rely on or defer to you to do all the work...and sit back and reap the benefits of having a hard working, dedicated woman. If you have picked wrong, he won't think this is important, and will just want to "see where things go". If you have picked wrong, he will immediately start retreating from you, because he wanted all the things that came with the long term committment, but he only wanted to go so far with you. If you have picked wrong, your instincts will tell you. It will be up to you to pack up and move on.
And pick better the next time around.
Because the key here, is when you fail to make the #1 Draft Pick...another one will always come along if you are open to it and ready for it!
Borderline
Every country has a border, the lines you see on a map where one country ends and another one begins...or where the country meets the water...an ocean, a sea, a river, etc.. If you step outside of the United States into Canada, the rules suddenly change...there are new boundaries, new laws, new customs, and new expectations of your behavior.
When you step into my life, its like stepping foot into a new place, no matter where you have been before. I have a set of boundaries, rules, customs, and expectations that have to be met if you want to remain in my life. I have not always set those boundaries and expectations in stone, but they are now like my own personal Mount Rushmore, blasted into the rocks so everyone can see what rules my roost.
I once heard this line: If you fail to let a man know your expectations, he will always fail to meet them.
I have always been one to let people know up front what they are getting when and if they get the pleasure of having me in their life...and if you don't think that you are a pleasure, that's another blog for another time.
Anyhow...I let people know right away...I can be difficult, I like things my way, I am fair, I am passionate, I am dedicated, I am loyal, I am honest...brutally sometimes, I am sure of myself, I have goals and I am determined to meet them, my son comes first in my life, God is at the helm of my life, and I am not gonna take any shit from anyone...ever, period! If that is something you can handle, then we can see where we can go...if not, you should exit at the next stop because nothing is going to change much! In addition, I let people know what my expectations are. You dont get to take up residence in my life and just do as you please, because there are certain rules you are going to have to follow...as I expect you to have the same.
If at any time you fail to meet those expectations, you are gonna be in for a conversation...not an interrogation, but a conversation. If you care about me, and I am being reasonable, it shouldn't be a big deal to work on changing whatever unbecoing behavior you have exhibited, in my eyes. If I am being unreasonable, telling me so, giving me a change to process it, and see the error of my ways, will likely solve the problem. None of us are perfect, I acknowledge that fact.
So recently, I had a situation where I saw some behavior exhibited that bothered me, made me question whether I was actually seeing the situation as it was or as I wanted to see it. I struggled with whether to say something, because I didn't want to make a mountain out of a molehill...but it was genuinely bothering me. I searched my soul to realize that I wasn't holding on to baggage, I wasn't allowing another man's faults to come into play in this situation, I was reacting TOTALLY and COMPLETELY off of what was happening in the instant situation, and I had to speak up, to say...Hey, this bothered me, and I want to know if this is something you plan to do often, because if so, it is going to cause me to question you and your feelings towards me, and I don't want that my life.
A funny thing happened...My honesty and my determination to have my expecatations met and to clear up any unncessary problems was appreciated and I was told that the behavior was simply meaningless, done without much thought, and would not happen again. I had questioned myself over and over about it...and come to the conclusion that speaking up and making sure that people know your boundaries, your rules, your expectations is always the best policy...because if you fail to let them know, they will fail to meet them!
When you step into my life, its like stepping foot into a new place, no matter where you have been before. I have a set of boundaries, rules, customs, and expectations that have to be met if you want to remain in my life. I have not always set those boundaries and expectations in stone, but they are now like my own personal Mount Rushmore, blasted into the rocks so everyone can see what rules my roost.
I once heard this line: If you fail to let a man know your expectations, he will always fail to meet them.
I have always been one to let people know up front what they are getting when and if they get the pleasure of having me in their life...and if you don't think that you are a pleasure, that's another blog for another time.
Anyhow...I let people know right away...I can be difficult, I like things my way, I am fair, I am passionate, I am dedicated, I am loyal, I am honest...brutally sometimes, I am sure of myself, I have goals and I am determined to meet them, my son comes first in my life, God is at the helm of my life, and I am not gonna take any shit from anyone...ever, period! If that is something you can handle, then we can see where we can go...if not, you should exit at the next stop because nothing is going to change much! In addition, I let people know what my expectations are. You dont get to take up residence in my life and just do as you please, because there are certain rules you are going to have to follow...as I expect you to have the same.
If at any time you fail to meet those expectations, you are gonna be in for a conversation...not an interrogation, but a conversation. If you care about me, and I am being reasonable, it shouldn't be a big deal to work on changing whatever unbecoing behavior you have exhibited, in my eyes. If I am being unreasonable, telling me so, giving me a change to process it, and see the error of my ways, will likely solve the problem. None of us are perfect, I acknowledge that fact.
So recently, I had a situation where I saw some behavior exhibited that bothered me, made me question whether I was actually seeing the situation as it was or as I wanted to see it. I struggled with whether to say something, because I didn't want to make a mountain out of a molehill...but it was genuinely bothering me. I searched my soul to realize that I wasn't holding on to baggage, I wasn't allowing another man's faults to come into play in this situation, I was reacting TOTALLY and COMPLETELY off of what was happening in the instant situation, and I had to speak up, to say...Hey, this bothered me, and I want to know if this is something you plan to do often, because if so, it is going to cause me to question you and your feelings towards me, and I don't want that my life.
A funny thing happened...My honesty and my determination to have my expecatations met and to clear up any unncessary problems was appreciated and I was told that the behavior was simply meaningless, done without much thought, and would not happen again. I had questioned myself over and over about it...and come to the conclusion that speaking up and making sure that people know your boundaries, your rules, your expectations is always the best policy...because if you fail to let them know, they will fail to meet them!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
The #1 Draft Pick: The Draft
The #1 Draft Pick: The Bloginar
How to make better choices when it comes to finding a lifetime partner, in other words, how to pick better!
Story:
Adrian
Adrian and I go wayyy back. Adrian is a sweetheart, the kind of person who would do anything for the people she loves. Adrian wears her heart on her sleeve, and is quick to fall in love with a man who she believes is worth it. That is just it though, her "worth it" radar is off. She often gives in to a man well before he has proven his worth, given her a reason to like him, let alone love him. Adrian is successful and smart and beautiful. However, she often finds herself back at the drawing board. She is no fool, so there is no need to rush in. The draft takes time.
2. THE DRAFT
I completely believe that most single women who are ready for a relationship have a skewed idea of what an quality adult man is really like, because they have spent so much time with losers.
Men are not at the club every weekend, unless they own it.
Men are not 35 living at home with their parents, they are not walking (except for exercise purposes), and they are not broke.
Men are not interested in every woman they see.
Men are not sleeping with every woman they come into contact with.
Men have expectations, wants, needs, and feelings just like you do...and they are not afraid to show them and communicate them.
After you get your male radar adjusted, the next step is finding someone who is ELIGIBLE. Now what makes him eligible depends on the woman and what she is looking for. Someone eligible to be with a successful, hard-working, loving, caring, attractive, honest, and independent woman should be a successful, hard-working, loving, caring, attractive, honest, and independent man. Now, that package can come together many different ways, but overall, if that is what you are offering that is what you should be open to. Eligibility is all about what you have to offer to someone. If you are eligible for a certain job, you have the necessary skills to do that kind of job. If you are eligible to be with me, you have to have the necessary skills to be with me. If I am determined, hard-working, goal-oriented, and want to make a mark on the world...a man who thinks that working at McDonald's the rest of his life as fry boy is a lofty goal is probably not going to have the skills to be with me or understand me. He will not understand my drive. He will not quite understand what it takes to meet my professional goals. By the same token, if I am a romantic, loving, and affectionate person, a man who just wants to have sex, get it over with, and move on to the next thing, is not going to have the skills to meet my wants and needs physically and emotionally.
Some women make a list, other's just know what it is that they need in a man. Whatever your method, I think it is very important to be clear about your wants and needs. Hiding them will not EVER get you what you want. It is not necessarily that an eligible man is going to give you all you want and need, but if he is truly worthy of being in the draft, he will at least want to know your wants and needs. Remember, he has to do the work of determining if you are eligible for his time and energy as well. So, he needs to know whether he can provide for you, whether you are someone he would want to put his life on the line to protect, and if he could ever see himself professing his love for you. So take this time to do the same. Are you looking for someone to spend you life with, to create a family with? Does he even have the basics requirements for you to see him in this way? Is this someone you would spend each day appreciating and showing how much you love him? Be honest with yourself...don't make excuses for him, don't give him extra points where he has not earned them. If he hasn't shown you that he has the skills to meet your needs and wants, or at least some of them, he has no real interest in being with you (in coupledom), he only wants to be with you (in the bedroom).
If you notice, you will see that the things that make a man eligible may not be readily apparent at first glance. It may take some time to get to know these things. Most people want to rush into relationships, because they wanna get to the good part. But the good times will be more plentiful and enjoyable if you only invest more TIME in the process.
Timing is everything. It really is. It determines whether you meet or not. It determines how often your paths will cross. It is a measure of quantity...but it is unique in that it is also a measure of quality.
So, you have been dating a man for two weeks, you really dig him, he is all of the things, on the surface, that you have been looking for. You decide that you are ready to embark on a relationship with him, and you speed up the dating process and enter into a relationship. Soon after, you start realizing that he is extremely demanding. He wants to know where you are each minute. He wants your hair a certain way, your skirts a certain length. He tries to limit your phone calls and gets angry when you talk too long or seem to be ignoring him. Now, take the same scenario and add another two months to your dating time...and one night at dinner he comments on how another man is looking at your legs because you skirt is too short, or that because your hair is so curly and beautiful you are commanding too many looks and head-turns. You notice on your next outing, that when your phone rings mid-conversation and you say "Excuse me, this is my mother, I need to take this" he looks at you sternly and asks you, "Must you take that call right now?" You make this your last date as you have correctly determined that he is controlling and rather crazy.
Time is nature's safety latch. It is a cushion, of sorts, allowing you the space and freedom to determine if something should be welcomed into or shunned from your life. It is a natural guard against harm. So, when you fight against it, you lose some of these aides in decision-making. You rob yourself of one of the greatest ways to determine if something is toxic or not. In the previous set of scenarios, the latter used time to its advantage, and when the young lady realized that this man could potentially mean her harm, maybe not physically, but certainly mentally and emotionally, she was able to retreat becasue she gave herself a cushion of time within which to determine if he was eligible for the draft. In the former scenario, that young woman didn't allow herself that cushion, rushed through the draft, and right into a harmful relationship.
Dont' be afraid to take your time. Many times we feel as though if we don't pounce, we will lose our standing. Yet, any man worth is weight is going to see the prize in you, if he is interested in you and sees you as a positive influence in his life. He will not make you nor ask you to rush into anything. In fact, he will want to be as certain that you are right for him as you are about him. Fools rush in.
Lastly, the key to any relationship, romantic or otherwise, that most people save for later mistakenly, is COMMUNICATION. In fact, this will help you figure out if the person is either eligible and worth your time, and if you have put enough time into the pending relationship. There are some key factors that you need to discuss to determine if someone is draft ready.
MARRIAGE: Everyone has some key issues that they want determined before they embark on a relationship. Those basics usually revolve around one thing, marriage. People generally either see a relationship as leading to marriage, or do not want to be married. This is something you need to discuss BEFORE you get into a relationship. Asking a man his views on marriage is not and should not be taboo or some dangerous conversation you need to wait until the five month mark to have. Maybe it's not first date discussion material, but once you have discussed basic things about yourself, wants, and needs...this would follow. If you want to be married, find someone that wants to be married...and you can only do that by talking about it. This is a very important discusssion, but it should not be feared. At the least, it will let you know this person is not for you. At the most, it will open you and him up to many more discussions about the relationship you are preparing to enter.
RELATIONSHIP ZONES: There are five distinct zones in a any relationship: emotional, spiritual, physical, mental, and financial. The physical and the financial tend to be the most controversial, the most important, and the most taboo. However, we make them that way. The fact is, all of these are of equal importance, and should be discussed at length, to determine your boundaries, your expectations, and your feelings surrounding each. I don't mean you sit down and discuss emotions...but for instance, you can talk about how you are going to handle disagreements. Spiritually, you can discuss religion, your lack thereof, beliefs, and faith. Mentally, you can talk about your personalities, how each of you handle certain things and how you can change and become better. Physically, you can discuss intimacy, monogamy, etc. I don't want to dictate what discussions are important to you, only you know that...but the discussions are important and necessary on this side of the relationship...
Once you have tackled these issues, and a man or woman for that matter, has proven him or her self worthy, you are now ready to pick your #1 draft pick. NEXT: PICK YOUR PLAYER!
How to make better choices when it comes to finding a lifetime partner, in other words, how to pick better!
Story:
Adrian
Adrian and I go wayyy back. Adrian is a sweetheart, the kind of person who would do anything for the people she loves. Adrian wears her heart on her sleeve, and is quick to fall in love with a man who she believes is worth it. That is just it though, her "worth it" radar is off. She often gives in to a man well before he has proven his worth, given her a reason to like him, let alone love him. Adrian is successful and smart and beautiful. However, she often finds herself back at the drawing board. She is no fool, so there is no need to rush in. The draft takes time.
2. THE DRAFT
I completely believe that most single women who are ready for a relationship have a skewed idea of what an quality adult man is really like, because they have spent so much time with losers.
Men are not at the club every weekend, unless they own it.
Men are not 35 living at home with their parents, they are not walking (except for exercise purposes), and they are not broke.
Men are not interested in every woman they see.
Men are not sleeping with every woman they come into contact with.
Men have expectations, wants, needs, and feelings just like you do...and they are not afraid to show them and communicate them.
After you get your male radar adjusted, the next step is finding someone who is ELIGIBLE. Now what makes him eligible depends on the woman and what she is looking for. Someone eligible to be with a successful, hard-working, loving, caring, attractive, honest, and independent woman should be a successful, hard-working, loving, caring, attractive, honest, and independent man. Now, that package can come together many different ways, but overall, if that is what you are offering that is what you should be open to. Eligibility is all about what you have to offer to someone. If you are eligible for a certain job, you have the necessary skills to do that kind of job. If you are eligible to be with me, you have to have the necessary skills to be with me. If I am determined, hard-working, goal-oriented, and want to make a mark on the world...a man who thinks that working at McDonald's the rest of his life as fry boy is a lofty goal is probably not going to have the skills to be with me or understand me. He will not understand my drive. He will not quite understand what it takes to meet my professional goals. By the same token, if I am a romantic, loving, and affectionate person, a man who just wants to have sex, get it over with, and move on to the next thing, is not going to have the skills to meet my wants and needs physically and emotionally.
Some women make a list, other's just know what it is that they need in a man. Whatever your method, I think it is very important to be clear about your wants and needs. Hiding them will not EVER get you what you want. It is not necessarily that an eligible man is going to give you all you want and need, but if he is truly worthy of being in the draft, he will at least want to know your wants and needs. Remember, he has to do the work of determining if you are eligible for his time and energy as well. So, he needs to know whether he can provide for you, whether you are someone he would want to put his life on the line to protect, and if he could ever see himself professing his love for you. So take this time to do the same. Are you looking for someone to spend you life with, to create a family with? Does he even have the basics requirements for you to see him in this way? Is this someone you would spend each day appreciating and showing how much you love him? Be honest with yourself...don't make excuses for him, don't give him extra points where he has not earned them. If he hasn't shown you that he has the skills to meet your needs and wants, or at least some of them, he has no real interest in being with you (in coupledom), he only wants to be with you (in the bedroom).
If you notice, you will see that the things that make a man eligible may not be readily apparent at first glance. It may take some time to get to know these things. Most people want to rush into relationships, because they wanna get to the good part. But the good times will be more plentiful and enjoyable if you only invest more TIME in the process.
Timing is everything. It really is. It determines whether you meet or not. It determines how often your paths will cross. It is a measure of quantity...but it is unique in that it is also a measure of quality.
So, you have been dating a man for two weeks, you really dig him, he is all of the things, on the surface, that you have been looking for. You decide that you are ready to embark on a relationship with him, and you speed up the dating process and enter into a relationship. Soon after, you start realizing that he is extremely demanding. He wants to know where you are each minute. He wants your hair a certain way, your skirts a certain length. He tries to limit your phone calls and gets angry when you talk too long or seem to be ignoring him. Now, take the same scenario and add another two months to your dating time...and one night at dinner he comments on how another man is looking at your legs because you skirt is too short, or that because your hair is so curly and beautiful you are commanding too many looks and head-turns. You notice on your next outing, that when your phone rings mid-conversation and you say "Excuse me, this is my mother, I need to take this" he looks at you sternly and asks you, "Must you take that call right now?" You make this your last date as you have correctly determined that he is controlling and rather crazy.
Time is nature's safety latch. It is a cushion, of sorts, allowing you the space and freedom to determine if something should be welcomed into or shunned from your life. It is a natural guard against harm. So, when you fight against it, you lose some of these aides in decision-making. You rob yourself of one of the greatest ways to determine if something is toxic or not. In the previous set of scenarios, the latter used time to its advantage, and when the young lady realized that this man could potentially mean her harm, maybe not physically, but certainly mentally and emotionally, she was able to retreat becasue she gave herself a cushion of time within which to determine if he was eligible for the draft. In the former scenario, that young woman didn't allow herself that cushion, rushed through the draft, and right into a harmful relationship.
Dont' be afraid to take your time. Many times we feel as though if we don't pounce, we will lose our standing. Yet, any man worth is weight is going to see the prize in you, if he is interested in you and sees you as a positive influence in his life. He will not make you nor ask you to rush into anything. In fact, he will want to be as certain that you are right for him as you are about him. Fools rush in.
Lastly, the key to any relationship, romantic or otherwise, that most people save for later mistakenly, is COMMUNICATION. In fact, this will help you figure out if the person is either eligible and worth your time, and if you have put enough time into the pending relationship. There are some key factors that you need to discuss to determine if someone is draft ready.
MARRIAGE: Everyone has some key issues that they want determined before they embark on a relationship. Those basics usually revolve around one thing, marriage. People generally either see a relationship as leading to marriage, or do not want to be married. This is something you need to discuss BEFORE you get into a relationship. Asking a man his views on marriage is not and should not be taboo or some dangerous conversation you need to wait until the five month mark to have. Maybe it's not first date discussion material, but once you have discussed basic things about yourself, wants, and needs...this would follow. If you want to be married, find someone that wants to be married...and you can only do that by talking about it. This is a very important discusssion, but it should not be feared. At the least, it will let you know this person is not for you. At the most, it will open you and him up to many more discussions about the relationship you are preparing to enter.
RELATIONSHIP ZONES: There are five distinct zones in a any relationship: emotional, spiritual, physical, mental, and financial. The physical and the financial tend to be the most controversial, the most important, and the most taboo. However, we make them that way. The fact is, all of these are of equal importance, and should be discussed at length, to determine your boundaries, your expectations, and your feelings surrounding each. I don't mean you sit down and discuss emotions...but for instance, you can talk about how you are going to handle disagreements. Spiritually, you can discuss religion, your lack thereof, beliefs, and faith. Mentally, you can talk about your personalities, how each of you handle certain things and how you can change and become better. Physically, you can discuss intimacy, monogamy, etc. I don't want to dictate what discussions are important to you, only you know that...but the discussions are important and necessary on this side of the relationship...
Once you have tackled these issues, and a man or woman for that matter, has proven him or her self worthy, you are now ready to pick your #1 draft pick. NEXT: PICK YOUR PLAYER!
Friday, October 15, 2010
The #1 Draft Pick: Getting Ready
The end of a relationship does not signify that it was a bad relationship or an unsuccessful one.
Relationships are not all made the same...I am sure you have heard it before: a reason, a season, a lifetime.
Well, I knew I had gotten to the end of my reasons and seasons and wanted a lifetime mate. But wanting is a desire, not a state of being...and I wanted to BE READY for my lifetime mate. That being said, I realized that just like when we make any other choices in life, we usually have a set of dos and donts, pros and cons, yea or nays...and I thought, hmmmmm...I wanted to be prepared when the opportunity presented itself.
So, a friend of mine, with whom I share many of my newfound life discoveries told me I needed to make this into a seminar. So...since this is one in a series of many, I figured I would start this online, a bloginar. So here goes:
The #1 Draft Pick: The Bloginar
How to make better choices when it comes to finding a lifetime partner, in other words, how to pick better!
Story:
Deanna
Deanna is a friend of mine, and she is my relationship idol. She has always been really strong in her faith, and stood true to her beliefs. I would listen to her talk about what she wanted in a husband and mate since we were in high school...and I swear, she spoke him into her life. When he appeared, she was ready...and everything else seemed to fall into place. By no means am I suggesting her relationship is perfect, but it is successful.
1. GETTING READY
Before you go out on Friday night, you get all fancy, go to the salon, get a new outfit, walk around in your shoes so they don't destroy your feet. So when your ride picks you up, you are at your best. Well, the same kind of planning and preparation needs to go into yourself when you are preparing for your lifetime mate.
Emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually you need to come into the situation with a firm understanding of who you are and what your boundaries are...period.
Many of us, men and women, bring our past relationships into our present one, and that is simply because we have not gotten over the hurt, the pain, the confusion, the misunderstanding, or the loss of that partner. You have to have worked through that and moved past it in order to enter into another relationship and expect it to be successful. Most people JUMP into something new in order to get their minds off of the past or to get over the past. That does not, I repeat, that DOES NOT work. Another man cannot help a woman get over her old man...he only brings more confusion into her emotional zone. You now have these two people in your emotional zone that are vying for contention. The happiness the new person brings and the sadness the memories of the past provoke eventually meld into one, and you either misrepresent the new man in your mind, placing him on a pedestal he has not earned; drive the new man away with your confusion; or move into a new relationship that will always be defined by what happened in the past (you get angry at anything the new man does that reminds you of the past, you project the past's motives, perspective, and thoughts onto the new man, etc.). All three are bad!
So take time to work on getting over whatever emotions you have left over from the past.
Mentally, you have to basically understand that the NEW does not equal the OLD. It goes back to the emotional displacement. You have to be able to correctly categorize whether your reactions to the new man's ways, behaviors, words, etc. are based on HIS ways, behaviors, words, etc. or something that happened in the past. You also have to have a set of boundaries that you will enforce and stick to, and allow to guide you through the important decisions you make in your relationship.
Spiritually, it is very important to have faith. I am not speaking in biblical or religious terms necessarily, but they definitely fit here. It is all about what power you have faith in, and how you use that in your life. If you have faith in, for example, God, you will have a set of beliefs that dictate to you how you should behave in a relationship. If you believe in the concept of love, you will have a set of beliefs about what the power of love can do for you, for your life, and for your relationship...and how you use love to work through your difficulties. When you and your potential mate share these beliefs, it makes for an even stronger connection. But since we are focusing on self right now, the objective is to be very faithful to your beliefs.
Physically, you just need to make certain that you are happy with yourself, your image, your looks, your level of health, etc. so that you don't project your negative image on yourself onto him. It is unattractive and a big turn off! Furthermore, whatever your sexual boundaries are, you need to be prepared to enforce those and stick to them, because this is often the biggest sign of weakness to a potential mate about your level of readiness. When you are unable to enforce your sexual ideals, it is often becasue you are insecure, unsure, and stuck in the past.
So, getting ready for bed, for work, for the club...you have all these rituals and things that you do in order to make sure you get your desired result...do the same when preparing yourself for a mate.
"I'm ready, yes I'm ready to love you, forever!"
Song of the Day: I'm Ready
Relationships are not all made the same...I am sure you have heard it before: a reason, a season, a lifetime.
Well, I knew I had gotten to the end of my reasons and seasons and wanted a lifetime mate. But wanting is a desire, not a state of being...and I wanted to BE READY for my lifetime mate. That being said, I realized that just like when we make any other choices in life, we usually have a set of dos and donts, pros and cons, yea or nays...and I thought, hmmmmm...I wanted to be prepared when the opportunity presented itself.
So, a friend of mine, with whom I share many of my newfound life discoveries told me I needed to make this into a seminar. So...since this is one in a series of many, I figured I would start this online, a bloginar. So here goes:
The #1 Draft Pick: The Bloginar
How to make better choices when it comes to finding a lifetime partner, in other words, how to pick better!
Story:
Deanna
Deanna is a friend of mine, and she is my relationship idol. She has always been really strong in her faith, and stood true to her beliefs. I would listen to her talk about what she wanted in a husband and mate since we were in high school...and I swear, she spoke him into her life. When he appeared, she was ready...and everything else seemed to fall into place. By no means am I suggesting her relationship is perfect, but it is successful.
1. GETTING READY
Before you go out on Friday night, you get all fancy, go to the salon, get a new outfit, walk around in your shoes so they don't destroy your feet. So when your ride picks you up, you are at your best. Well, the same kind of planning and preparation needs to go into yourself when you are preparing for your lifetime mate.
Emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually you need to come into the situation with a firm understanding of who you are and what your boundaries are...period.
Many of us, men and women, bring our past relationships into our present one, and that is simply because we have not gotten over the hurt, the pain, the confusion, the misunderstanding, or the loss of that partner. You have to have worked through that and moved past it in order to enter into another relationship and expect it to be successful. Most people JUMP into something new in order to get their minds off of the past or to get over the past. That does not, I repeat, that DOES NOT work. Another man cannot help a woman get over her old man...he only brings more confusion into her emotional zone. You now have these two people in your emotional zone that are vying for contention. The happiness the new person brings and the sadness the memories of the past provoke eventually meld into one, and you either misrepresent the new man in your mind, placing him on a pedestal he has not earned; drive the new man away with your confusion; or move into a new relationship that will always be defined by what happened in the past (you get angry at anything the new man does that reminds you of the past, you project the past's motives, perspective, and thoughts onto the new man, etc.). All three are bad!
So take time to work on getting over whatever emotions you have left over from the past.
Mentally, you have to basically understand that the NEW does not equal the OLD. It goes back to the emotional displacement. You have to be able to correctly categorize whether your reactions to the new man's ways, behaviors, words, etc. are based on HIS ways, behaviors, words, etc. or something that happened in the past. You also have to have a set of boundaries that you will enforce and stick to, and allow to guide you through the important decisions you make in your relationship.
Spiritually, it is very important to have faith. I am not speaking in biblical or religious terms necessarily, but they definitely fit here. It is all about what power you have faith in, and how you use that in your life. If you have faith in, for example, God, you will have a set of beliefs that dictate to you how you should behave in a relationship. If you believe in the concept of love, you will have a set of beliefs about what the power of love can do for you, for your life, and for your relationship...and how you use love to work through your difficulties. When you and your potential mate share these beliefs, it makes for an even stronger connection. But since we are focusing on self right now, the objective is to be very faithful to your beliefs.
Physically, you just need to make certain that you are happy with yourself, your image, your looks, your level of health, etc. so that you don't project your negative image on yourself onto him. It is unattractive and a big turn off! Furthermore, whatever your sexual boundaries are, you need to be prepared to enforce those and stick to them, because this is often the biggest sign of weakness to a potential mate about your level of readiness. When you are unable to enforce your sexual ideals, it is often becasue you are insecure, unsure, and stuck in the past.
So, getting ready for bed, for work, for the club...you have all these rituals and things that you do in order to make sure you get your desired result...do the same when preparing yourself for a mate.
"I'm ready, yes I'm ready to love you, forever!"
Song of the Day: I'm Ready
Friday, October 1, 2010
I Hope You Dance
"I hope you never fear those mountains in the distance
Never settle for the path of least resistance ..."
A young lady that I know, not well, but know, has always struck me as this powerful force, and I wondered if she had any idea how powerful and commanding and PRESENT she always seemed to be. I saw her online yesterday, and decided to send her a short note, to let her know that I had this on my heart and wanted her to know that she was inspiring and powerful, and to never fear being herself.
Anyhow, I let her know...and I was amazed that she told me she had been feeling mistreated and unappreciated, and that while she was natuarally positive, she had begun to feel like maybe she was givign too much of herself.
I assured her, and I believe, although I am human and not always in an emotional or mental place to put it in practice, that the way to combat hate, dishonesty, mistreatment, or any other disturbing behavior someone exhibits towards you is by showing them love, decency, and positivity. That is not the same as being weak, as being a doormat, or as being passive...it is just the opposite. It is showing strength, courage, and aggressiveness. It is a positive reaction, but a reaction nonetheless.
It is hard to be one's true self sometimes. It is hard to really stay present and live in the moment. There are some of us who just seem to always be living in sync with our pulse...alive and aware at every moment. Fully engaged in life. I wanted this young woman to know that I saw that in her...that God had helped me recognize that in her, and that I felt it was important to share. So often we get so caught up in our own problems, attitudes, and reality that we forget to acknowledge those around us who manage to somehow shine their light on everyone, no matter what is going on in their lives.
Take time out to do the things that count, to tell people how they have affected you, what they mean to you, and remind them to dance!
Never settle for the path of least resistance ..."
A young lady that I know, not well, but know, has always struck me as this powerful force, and I wondered if she had any idea how powerful and commanding and PRESENT she always seemed to be. I saw her online yesterday, and decided to send her a short note, to let her know that I had this on my heart and wanted her to know that she was inspiring and powerful, and to never fear being herself.
Anyhow, I let her know...and I was amazed that she told me she had been feeling mistreated and unappreciated, and that while she was natuarally positive, she had begun to feel like maybe she was givign too much of herself.
I assured her, and I believe, although I am human and not always in an emotional or mental place to put it in practice, that the way to combat hate, dishonesty, mistreatment, or any other disturbing behavior someone exhibits towards you is by showing them love, decency, and positivity. That is not the same as being weak, as being a doormat, or as being passive...it is just the opposite. It is showing strength, courage, and aggressiveness. It is a positive reaction, but a reaction nonetheless.
It is hard to be one's true self sometimes. It is hard to really stay present and live in the moment. There are some of us who just seem to always be living in sync with our pulse...alive and aware at every moment. Fully engaged in life. I wanted this young woman to know that I saw that in her...that God had helped me recognize that in her, and that I felt it was important to share. So often we get so caught up in our own problems, attitudes, and reality that we forget to acknowledge those around us who manage to somehow shine their light on everyone, no matter what is going on in their lives.
Take time out to do the things that count, to tell people how they have affected you, what they mean to you, and remind them to dance!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Great Expectations
"But I've got to know
Body and soul
That you've got no doubt
inside and out
We are whole"
Body and Soul-Anita Baker
We sometimes focus so much on the physical side of relationships, we forget that there are major factors that come into the play that have nothing to do with sex. When you get caught up in the whirlwind of a sexual relationship, especially when you have been lonely or feeling down, it can elevate you to a level above reality. The key is to bring yourself down long enough to discuss with someone those key things that make a relationship sustainable outside of and including the physical.
Someone really smart once told me that there are four areas that he thinks are necessarily to discuss with someone...and he schooled me a little bit. So let me in turn school you.
1. Emotional-For most women, the emotional and the physical go hand in hand. This is not so often true for men. Men can compartmentalize sex in a way that women generally cannot. The way a man feels about you is one thing, his connection with your sexually is another. They do intersect, but they are not one in the same. For a man, the key emotional issues is that he feels appreciated and wanted. It seems to simple to be true, but it is true...ask any man. For women, we have a laundry list of emotional needs...but if we break those down, they generally consist of feeling desired, safe, protected, and loved unconditionally. Not at all very different from what men want. We all, in general, want to be loved by someone and know that they want us in their lives and are happy we are in their lives. We make this known through our actions, but learning what each other likes, wants, and needs, and attempting to fill the person's life with those things.
2. Mental-Communication is the one thing that ruins most relationships. It is the lack thereof that causes a breakdown of trust and openness. When you are in constant dialogue with someone, you are constantly opening yourself up by revealing parts of yourself to them. You are also providing and getting the feedback you need to start to trust the person. In addition to communication, another key component of a mental relationship is how well you match up intellectually. This has nothing to do with your job, your salary, or any matieral issue...but instead, how well you connect on issues that are important to you. That you both are on the same page concerning the business aspects of your relationship (finances, children, etc.). You both bring something to the table that is going to help make you a better unit. And knowledge that if one of you is weak, the other person is strong enough to take over temporarily.
3. Spiritual-Now this is not the same as religious. It does not mean that you both go to church every Sunday, unless that is something you have both discussed is important in your lives. What is does mean is that you both have some fundamental similarities in terms of your spiritual selves. You both believe in God, in a higher power, or in something other than yourselves. You have a similar set of beliefs about the world, your place in it, and how you are guided through the world. You have to be open to discuss your attitudes about what role religion, if any, plays in your lives and how you will express your spritiual beliefs.
4. Physical-Most people get down to the actual behavior before they ever discuss the place this will have in their relationship. Their expectations, their wants, their ideas, and responsibility. It is important to discuss these things BEFORE you embark on a physical relationship, because as we all know, this is the one area that can take you from First Base to a Home Run in a matter of minutes. It is important to discuss exclusivitiy, committment, trust, and yes, protection, when you are having a sexual relationship with someone. Talking about these things will actually remove alot of the questions in your mind, and make for a better and less stressful experience with your mate.
So make a date to sit down and talk...making your wants, needs, and expectations known is only going to give you more time to enjoy each other!
Body and soul
That you've got no doubt
inside and out
We are whole"
Body and Soul-Anita Baker
We sometimes focus so much on the physical side of relationships, we forget that there are major factors that come into the play that have nothing to do with sex. When you get caught up in the whirlwind of a sexual relationship, especially when you have been lonely or feeling down, it can elevate you to a level above reality. The key is to bring yourself down long enough to discuss with someone those key things that make a relationship sustainable outside of and including the physical.
Someone really smart once told me that there are four areas that he thinks are necessarily to discuss with someone...and he schooled me a little bit. So let me in turn school you.
1. Emotional-For most women, the emotional and the physical go hand in hand. This is not so often true for men. Men can compartmentalize sex in a way that women generally cannot. The way a man feels about you is one thing, his connection with your sexually is another. They do intersect, but they are not one in the same. For a man, the key emotional issues is that he feels appreciated and wanted. It seems to simple to be true, but it is true...ask any man. For women, we have a laundry list of emotional needs...but if we break those down, they generally consist of feeling desired, safe, protected, and loved unconditionally. Not at all very different from what men want. We all, in general, want to be loved by someone and know that they want us in their lives and are happy we are in their lives. We make this known through our actions, but learning what each other likes, wants, and needs, and attempting to fill the person's life with those things.
2. Mental-Communication is the one thing that ruins most relationships. It is the lack thereof that causes a breakdown of trust and openness. When you are in constant dialogue with someone, you are constantly opening yourself up by revealing parts of yourself to them. You are also providing and getting the feedback you need to start to trust the person. In addition to communication, another key component of a mental relationship is how well you match up intellectually. This has nothing to do with your job, your salary, or any matieral issue...but instead, how well you connect on issues that are important to you. That you both are on the same page concerning the business aspects of your relationship (finances, children, etc.). You both bring something to the table that is going to help make you a better unit. And knowledge that if one of you is weak, the other person is strong enough to take over temporarily.
3. Spiritual-Now this is not the same as religious. It does not mean that you both go to church every Sunday, unless that is something you have both discussed is important in your lives. What is does mean is that you both have some fundamental similarities in terms of your spiritual selves. You both believe in God, in a higher power, or in something other than yourselves. You have a similar set of beliefs about the world, your place in it, and how you are guided through the world. You have to be open to discuss your attitudes about what role religion, if any, plays in your lives and how you will express your spritiual beliefs.
4. Physical-Most people get down to the actual behavior before they ever discuss the place this will have in their relationship. Their expectations, their wants, their ideas, and responsibility. It is important to discuss these things BEFORE you embark on a physical relationship, because as we all know, this is the one area that can take you from First Base to a Home Run in a matter of minutes. It is important to discuss exclusivitiy, committment, trust, and yes, protection, when you are having a sexual relationship with someone. Talking about these things will actually remove alot of the questions in your mind, and make for a better and less stressful experience with your mate.
So make a date to sit down and talk...making your wants, needs, and expectations known is only going to give you more time to enjoy each other!
The Scarlet Letter
"No man for any considerable period can wear one face to himself and another to the multitude, without finally getting bewildered as to which may be the true." ~Nathaniel Hawthorne
I am a typical Type A personality. I am aggressive, in control, opinionated, competitive, high-achieving, with high expectations and a organizational habit that Martha Stewart would be proud of. I am a "a place for everything and everything in its place" kind of girl. I despise clutter. I shutter at that though of random pieces of paper strewn about with random numbers, names, and figures on them that no one can decipher.
Most people accept me as is...well, they really don't have much of a choice. I came into my own pretty early on, and I have not changed very much in terms of my personality traits. In addition to being Type A, I tend to be a bit pessimistic...which translates into being a little less friendly and a little more transparent than some people might care for. I have found that most of my friends and family are fine with who I am. I have also found that one group tends to have an issue dealing with a strong willed woman, with sky high goals: MEN!
Now, dont get me wrong, there are many men who love a hustler's spirit in a woman. However, the vast majority of men seem to be more comfortable with a woman with a little less powerful of a spirit than most of us Type A's. So, they go on the attack very early on...and it can start to wear on anyone...even someone as resistant to pressure as me. I have always been the "DOER" in the relationships I have been in. I get the job done. If something needs to happen, I am most often left to get it done. That is not necessarily how I wanted it, but if I didn't do it, it would not get done. When that is your role, you tend to come across as stronger than your mate...and if you know men, you know that the LAST thing they want is someone who they feel is taking over their role.
So, I began to play this dual role...the leader and the follower...and you cannot be both. I was generally taking care of all of the business aspects of the relationship...but then being expected to follow when it came to the emotional or physical parts. Truth is, if I am going to lead, you may as well just give me the reigns...and it was hard for me to be one thing some of the time and another the rest of the time. I started to lose sight of who I really was...and that for me, spelled trouble. Each time, like clockwork, it would come down to whether the man was taking on his role or pushing it over to me. I can handle it, but I didn't want to handle two jobs...one job on a two man team is enough.
I guess God saw me struggling down here, and decided to help me out. I came to the realization one day that I could not be two selves...I could only be one, my true self. I was Miss Type A...I couldnt be anything else. However, if I had someone who knew how to handle business, I would easily defer to him. I have enough other things in my life to control and dominate...I don't need to control and dominate my relationships. So, I decided to present my true self, to always be my true self, and that anyone that was not okay with that, was not for me. I cannot wear two faces, I happen to the think the one I've got is pretty cute...why mess with perfection!
I am a typical Type A personality. I am aggressive, in control, opinionated, competitive, high-achieving, with high expectations and a organizational habit that Martha Stewart would be proud of. I am a "a place for everything and everything in its place" kind of girl. I despise clutter. I shutter at that though of random pieces of paper strewn about with random numbers, names, and figures on them that no one can decipher.
Most people accept me as is...well, they really don't have much of a choice. I came into my own pretty early on, and I have not changed very much in terms of my personality traits. In addition to being Type A, I tend to be a bit pessimistic...which translates into being a little less friendly and a little more transparent than some people might care for. I have found that most of my friends and family are fine with who I am. I have also found that one group tends to have an issue dealing with a strong willed woman, with sky high goals: MEN!
Now, dont get me wrong, there are many men who love a hustler's spirit in a woman. However, the vast majority of men seem to be more comfortable with a woman with a little less powerful of a spirit than most of us Type A's. So, they go on the attack very early on...and it can start to wear on anyone...even someone as resistant to pressure as me. I have always been the "DOER" in the relationships I have been in. I get the job done. If something needs to happen, I am most often left to get it done. That is not necessarily how I wanted it, but if I didn't do it, it would not get done. When that is your role, you tend to come across as stronger than your mate...and if you know men, you know that the LAST thing they want is someone who they feel is taking over their role.
So, I began to play this dual role...the leader and the follower...and you cannot be both. I was generally taking care of all of the business aspects of the relationship...but then being expected to follow when it came to the emotional or physical parts. Truth is, if I am going to lead, you may as well just give me the reigns...and it was hard for me to be one thing some of the time and another the rest of the time. I started to lose sight of who I really was...and that for me, spelled trouble. Each time, like clockwork, it would come down to whether the man was taking on his role or pushing it over to me. I can handle it, but I didn't want to handle two jobs...one job on a two man team is enough.
I guess God saw me struggling down here, and decided to help me out. I came to the realization one day that I could not be two selves...I could only be one, my true self. I was Miss Type A...I couldnt be anything else. However, if I had someone who knew how to handle business, I would easily defer to him. I have enough other things in my life to control and dominate...I don't need to control and dominate my relationships. So, I decided to present my true self, to always be my true self, and that anyone that was not okay with that, was not for me. I cannot wear two faces, I happen to the think the one I've got is pretty cute...why mess with perfection!
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Twisted, Part II
Not only do adults do it, kids do it to.
My son is going to have some woman's head GONE one day, but not this woman's.
Baby boy, I GOT YOUR NUMBER!
Sad I have to tell him this sorta stuff and he is only 5.
Imagine the type of stuff he will be getting into at say, 15!
My son is going to have some woman's head GONE one day, but not this woman's.
Baby boy, I GOT YOUR NUMBER!
Sad I have to tell him this sorta stuff and he is only 5.
Imagine the type of stuff he will be getting into at say, 15!
Twisted
People often get me twisted...think I am one thing when I am a completely different thing.
Well...you already know what they say about assumptions...
I have recently discovered a truth. A truth I have always known about a person, but I wanted to know it for certain before I claimed its truth. Now that I know it, I can tell you with certainty that this person has me muthafuckin' twisted!
I take no shorts. I am not a sucka. I can run with the big dogs. I am a boss. Let's start by untwisting things. I was brought here, to do big things. I was made to be a movement. If there is anyone who is a non-believer, I am a known converter! So, I find humor and challenge in the fact that there are people out here who choose to doubt me. Yet, I know my worth. I have been told my worth since the womb. I come from a stock of worthy folk...some who claim it, some who don't, but all worthy all the same. So when I set out to do something, I put one foot in front of the other and do the walk.
I have found that people who are fraudulent have to scream their worth from the rooftops...just like people who don't really think they are attractive tell everyone how attractive they are, just like boys who want to be men so bad run around claiming their manhood to anyone who will listen. Those people are sad and usually, most usually, have all of the worthy people around them twisted. They think they are smarter than, more successful than, more educated than, cuter than, better dressed than, more worthy than...you are. And you have to put those people in their place, in the right way. Not by screaming and hollering, trippin out and calling them everything but a child of God...live in your worth. THAT'S RIGHT...Live in your worth. That will effectively fuck them up worse than anything you could ever say. Twist their asses right back!
So for all of you who are worthy and you have haters out there...I suggest you put on your big boy drawers or big girl panties, take a shot of Patron, put on your good shoes, and step lively, walk the walk, and when you are feeling like a pimp...go ahead, dust those haters right off your shoulders!
Song of the Day: What's Beef-Biggie
Well...you already know what they say about assumptions...
I have recently discovered a truth. A truth I have always known about a person, but I wanted to know it for certain before I claimed its truth. Now that I know it, I can tell you with certainty that this person has me muthafuckin' twisted!
I take no shorts. I am not a sucka. I can run with the big dogs. I am a boss. Let's start by untwisting things. I was brought here, to do big things. I was made to be a movement. If there is anyone who is a non-believer, I am a known converter! So, I find humor and challenge in the fact that there are people out here who choose to doubt me. Yet, I know my worth. I have been told my worth since the womb. I come from a stock of worthy folk...some who claim it, some who don't, but all worthy all the same. So when I set out to do something, I put one foot in front of the other and do the walk.
I have found that people who are fraudulent have to scream their worth from the rooftops...just like people who don't really think they are attractive tell everyone how attractive they are, just like boys who want to be men so bad run around claiming their manhood to anyone who will listen. Those people are sad and usually, most usually, have all of the worthy people around them twisted. They think they are smarter than, more successful than, more educated than, cuter than, better dressed than, more worthy than...you are. And you have to put those people in their place, in the right way. Not by screaming and hollering, trippin out and calling them everything but a child of God...live in your worth. THAT'S RIGHT...Live in your worth. That will effectively fuck them up worse than anything you could ever say. Twist their asses right back!
So for all of you who are worthy and you have haters out there...I suggest you put on your big boy drawers or big girl panties, take a shot of Patron, put on your good shoes, and step lively, walk the walk, and when you are feeling like a pimp...go ahead, dust those haters right off your shoulders!
Song of the Day: What's Beef-Biggie
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The Point of It All
...is I love you.
I recall hearing someone say that because they loved someone they were going to marry them. I recall hearing many people say that, including myself. I am here to tell you, marriage is not about love.
Marriage is a human contract, between two people to unite themselves spiritually, physically, and financially. The emotional part, that most often comes before. You already love the person, you have loved the person for year or months or weeks. You care for them, have their best interests at heart, share your lives and experiences. However, the decision to get married is about taking that romantic relationship to another level...they call it "another level" for a reason.
Take the romantic notions of the WEDDING out of your head, and concentrate on the daily work of marriage, and it is work, daily. It is about making financial decisions, child-rearing decisions, personal decision, decisions about the home, work, cars, insurance, I could go on and on. The love will change and grow and mellow out over the years, but the work is constant, constantly hard work. Part of the problem is that we spend SO MUCH time talking about how much we love each other before we marry, and not enough time figuring out how we are going to handle our marriage, the business of the marriage.
Yardwork, cleaning, bills, kids, saving, vacations. Those simple things we overlook, we never discuss. So Suzy finds herself constantly angry because Billy misses taking the trash out every Monday, because he is watching football. Billy is upset because Suzy is not stern with their son and lets him get away with murder, and throws a fit when Billy punishes him. Billy believes that because he makes more, he can spend more. Suzy believes that he work as a parent is just as important, and she should have equal rights where the finances are concerned.
These people, like so many others didn't discuss the business of marriage, and find themselves not honoring
the contract they made, not working as a unit, not being equitable, respecting each other, communicating their problems, and being dedicated to working them out. Billy and Suzy, like so many of us, thought that as long as they had a good sex life, the bills were paid, and their mother-in-laws stayed to themselves, that they would have the perfect marriage. Marriage, takes hard work. It takes a dedication to making it work. It takes the realization that love is beautiful and wonderful and a part of a marriage, but by no means the whole kit and kaboodle. Marriage is just like Microsoft, when the budget is met, when the workers are paid a fair wage for their work, when everyone pulls their weight, there is one head of the company, everyone knows their part, and shows up...u can take over the world.
Song of the Day: The Point of it All by Anthony Hamilton
I recall hearing someone say that because they loved someone they were going to marry them. I recall hearing many people say that, including myself. I am here to tell you, marriage is not about love.
Marriage is a human contract, between two people to unite themselves spiritually, physically, and financially. The emotional part, that most often comes before. You already love the person, you have loved the person for year or months or weeks. You care for them, have their best interests at heart, share your lives and experiences. However, the decision to get married is about taking that romantic relationship to another level...they call it "another level" for a reason.
Take the romantic notions of the WEDDING out of your head, and concentrate on the daily work of marriage, and it is work, daily. It is about making financial decisions, child-rearing decisions, personal decision, decisions about the home, work, cars, insurance, I could go on and on. The love will change and grow and mellow out over the years, but the work is constant, constantly hard work. Part of the problem is that we spend SO MUCH time talking about how much we love each other before we marry, and not enough time figuring out how we are going to handle our marriage, the business of the marriage.
Yardwork, cleaning, bills, kids, saving, vacations. Those simple things we overlook, we never discuss. So Suzy finds herself constantly angry because Billy misses taking the trash out every Monday, because he is watching football. Billy is upset because Suzy is not stern with their son and lets him get away with murder, and throws a fit when Billy punishes him. Billy believes that because he makes more, he can spend more. Suzy believes that he work as a parent is just as important, and she should have equal rights where the finances are concerned.
These people, like so many others didn't discuss the business of marriage, and find themselves not honoring
the contract they made, not working as a unit, not being equitable, respecting each other, communicating their problems, and being dedicated to working them out. Billy and Suzy, like so many of us, thought that as long as they had a good sex life, the bills were paid, and their mother-in-laws stayed to themselves, that they would have the perfect marriage. Marriage, takes hard work. It takes a dedication to making it work. It takes the realization that love is beautiful and wonderful and a part of a marriage, but by no means the whole kit and kaboodle. Marriage is just like Microsoft, when the budget is met, when the workers are paid a fair wage for their work, when everyone pulls their weight, there is one head of the company, everyone knows their part, and shows up...u can take over the world.
Song of the Day: The Point of it All by Anthony Hamilton
Thursday, August 19, 2010
Making Sense of it All
I think I tasted love today
I kissed the sweetness of your lips
U made my tastebuds do flips
Somersalted bitter splits, a sweet and sour eclipse
I think I felt love today
Hard as steel, smooth on my skin
Where the rough ends and soft begins
Thick cottony clouds of love worn thin
I think I heard love today
Beats like bass with treble tones
Acoustic guitars and deep trombones
Make a blues and funk love jones
I think I smelled love today
Wafts of buttery boulangerie delights
Stimulate my appetite
I want to taste and take a bite!
If he or she cannot make you feel like this, most of the time, get further.
I kissed the sweetness of your lips
U made my tastebuds do flips
Somersalted bitter splits, a sweet and sour eclipse
I think I felt love today
Hard as steel, smooth on my skin
Where the rough ends and soft begins
Thick cottony clouds of love worn thin
I think I heard love today
Beats like bass with treble tones
Acoustic guitars and deep trombones
Make a blues and funk love jones
I think I smelled love today
Wafts of buttery boulangerie delights
Stimulate my appetite
I want to taste and take a bite!
If he or she cannot make you feel like this, most of the time, get further.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Simply Irresistable
"She's so fine, there's no tellin where the money went..."
Do you struggle with your looks...think your butt is too big, your nose too wide, your hair too wild, your stomach pokes out just a tad too much, your feet are big, your skin not tanned enough...whatever...well join the millions of women who feel that same way, or worse...and start turning those thoughts around.
Have you ever seen a couple, an average man with a beautiful woman, and you can tell the man is awful pleased with himself...not because of her, but becasue of his own thoughts of grandeur. Sure you have. Well, take a cue from that guy, you know him...with the beer belly, man boobs, bad skin, and balding head...he knows his worth, so he is happy with himself, and knows that that woman is happy with him...because he takes care of her, keeps her well dressed, keeps her spa appointments, hair appoints, and manicure appointments paid for, and makes sure she has Frette sheets to lay her head on at night.
Well...what is your worth?
You are a woman!
You can take care of someone like nobody's business, cook a mean pan of mac and cheese, wipe your kids nose, wear 4 inch heels without tripping and falling, balance your checkbook, read the book on Oprah's book club list in under 10 hours, carry on a conversation about The Backyardigans, the Steelers, or the stock market, put on a dress and look like a queen, and at night, make your man feel like a big ole stud...even if he is just a muffin!
That big nose, those wide hips, and those big feet be damned! Let your thoughts about yourself hinge on those things and traits that are important to you: success, career, family, love, health, etc. When we take stock of those things that REALLY and TRULY matter, very rarely does the size of our feet or our ass take center stage. Take note of those things you would like to change, and work those changes into your life. But at the end of the day...and as long as you are doing the best you can with what God gave you, you are simply irresistable!
Do you struggle with your looks...think your butt is too big, your nose too wide, your hair too wild, your stomach pokes out just a tad too much, your feet are big, your skin not tanned enough...whatever...well join the millions of women who feel that same way, or worse...and start turning those thoughts around.
Have you ever seen a couple, an average man with a beautiful woman, and you can tell the man is awful pleased with himself...not because of her, but becasue of his own thoughts of grandeur. Sure you have. Well, take a cue from that guy, you know him...with the beer belly, man boobs, bad skin, and balding head...he knows his worth, so he is happy with himself, and knows that that woman is happy with him...because he takes care of her, keeps her well dressed, keeps her spa appointments, hair appoints, and manicure appointments paid for, and makes sure she has Frette sheets to lay her head on at night.
Well...what is your worth?
You are a woman!
You can take care of someone like nobody's business, cook a mean pan of mac and cheese, wipe your kids nose, wear 4 inch heels without tripping and falling, balance your checkbook, read the book on Oprah's book club list in under 10 hours, carry on a conversation about The Backyardigans, the Steelers, or the stock market, put on a dress and look like a queen, and at night, make your man feel like a big ole stud...even if he is just a muffin!
That big nose, those wide hips, and those big feet be damned! Let your thoughts about yourself hinge on those things and traits that are important to you: success, career, family, love, health, etc. When we take stock of those things that REALLY and TRULY matter, very rarely does the size of our feet or our ass take center stage. Take note of those things you would like to change, and work those changes into your life. But at the end of the day...and as long as you are doing the best you can with what God gave you, you are simply irresistable!
Monday, August 9, 2010
A Woman's Worth
" Cause a real man, knows a real woman, when he sees her..."
Emphasis on the word "REAL"
What is a real man, what is a real woman....and how do you know you have found one?
Well...u just have to look the basics of manhood and womanhood and see if the person is going towards those or against those...
Manhood...men are taught to protect and provide.
Womanhood...women are taught to love, to nurture, to support.
So, if you have a man who makes it his major business to take care of you, financially and otherwise, and to make sure that at all costs, ALL COSTS, you are safe and secure...he is a man.
If you have a woman, who loves you with all of her being without conditions, she takes care of you and lets you know you are appreciated, and she stands by you...she is a woman.
A woman will still be a woman, even if you are not a man...and vice versa. She may cease loving, nurturing, and supporting you....but she will forever be those things to the man who provides and protects her. Same for a man...if you are loving him, taking care of him, and supporting him...he is going to provide and protect for you, period. If he is not, he does not quite understand what being a man is about...
Part of that protection and providing...is about honoring you. He loves you, he wants to see that you have everything you need and want. He wants to make sure you are happy, you are smiling, and you are able to give him what he needs, because you have what you need. He will keep his word, he will adhere to your standards, and he will be the man that you need him to be, in order for you to stay with him. If you have only some of that, you have what older people like to call a "piece'o'man"...and you should want and you deserve a whole man....one with arms, legs, shoulders, a brain, a heart, and courage.
A real man knows a woman's worth. He knows that he cannot get that kind of love and support from anyone else, and no matter how close he and his friends are, he and his mother are, or he and his brothers are...he will honor you and keep you...and provide and protect, because he knows your worth.
Emphasis on the word "REAL"
What is a real man, what is a real woman....and how do you know you have found one?
Well...u just have to look the basics of manhood and womanhood and see if the person is going towards those or against those...
Manhood...men are taught to protect and provide.
Womanhood...women are taught to love, to nurture, to support.
So, if you have a man who makes it his major business to take care of you, financially and otherwise, and to make sure that at all costs, ALL COSTS, you are safe and secure...he is a man.
If you have a woman, who loves you with all of her being without conditions, she takes care of you and lets you know you are appreciated, and she stands by you...she is a woman.
A woman will still be a woman, even if you are not a man...and vice versa. She may cease loving, nurturing, and supporting you....but she will forever be those things to the man who provides and protects her. Same for a man...if you are loving him, taking care of him, and supporting him...he is going to provide and protect for you, period. If he is not, he does not quite understand what being a man is about...
Part of that protection and providing...is about honoring you. He loves you, he wants to see that you have everything you need and want. He wants to make sure you are happy, you are smiling, and you are able to give him what he needs, because you have what you need. He will keep his word, he will adhere to your standards, and he will be the man that you need him to be, in order for you to stay with him. If you have only some of that, you have what older people like to call a "piece'o'man"...and you should want and you deserve a whole man....one with arms, legs, shoulders, a brain, a heart, and courage.
A real man knows a woman's worth. He knows that he cannot get that kind of love and support from anyone else, and no matter how close he and his friends are, he and his mother are, or he and his brothers are...he will honor you and keep you...and provide and protect, because he knows your worth.
Friday, August 6, 2010
Something to See
The wonder of a child is amazing...
I have been in love and out of love. I have loved and lost. But I have never had the feeling I have for my child for anyone else ever, and I never will. He is this miraculous gift, an expression of love, a small person with his own unique personality, ways of thinking, mind, and heart. He is different from me in as many ways as he is like me.
He is friendly, loves people, a free spirit, simple, and patient.
He loves music, dancing, love, he is passionate and he is smart.
I can look at his beautiful face, all day long. I am amazed at how fast he learns things. I am amazed at how fast he grows. He is a joy and a beauty to behold.
I love my son...I will always be in complete and utter love with him.
Love your children, be at your best for them, so they can be better than you!
"I see your picture, your name in lights above it..."
Song of the Day" Peg by Steely Dan
I have been in love and out of love. I have loved and lost. But I have never had the feeling I have for my child for anyone else ever, and I never will. He is this miraculous gift, an expression of love, a small person with his own unique personality, ways of thinking, mind, and heart. He is different from me in as many ways as he is like me.
He is friendly, loves people, a free spirit, simple, and patient.
He loves music, dancing, love, he is passionate and he is smart.
I can look at his beautiful face, all day long. I am amazed at how fast he learns things. I am amazed at how fast he grows. He is a joy and a beauty to behold.
I love my son...I will always be in complete and utter love with him.
Love your children, be at your best for them, so they can be better than you!
"I see your picture, your name in lights above it..."
Song of the Day" Peg by Steely Dan
Monday, July 26, 2010
At Your Best
"Life can be only what you make it..."
Most people are fine mediocrity...they think that as long as they are just getting by, that is better than failing. I don't personally agree. Failure is always a better option that mediocrity...because there is a lesson in failure...there is a another shot after you fail. When you are okay with being mediocre, you are stuck in the middle, neither good nor bad, prince nor pauper...and more importantly you are just stuck.
The time is now to reject mediocrity, at least for me. I am not sure that I ever accepted it, but I have found myself there in different aspects of my life, many times. I refuse to be stuck ever again...professionally, personally, emotionally or mentally, physically or spiritually...I am seeking the win...and you don't contribute to the win when you are stuck on the bench the whole game.
Now, it is not as simple as making a decision, although that is the first step. The real key to becoming free to be at your best is by accepting no bullshit, from yourself or others; dealing only in positives and negatives with no in betweens; and opening yourself up to all the wonders of life.
NO BULLSHIT
Don't let anyone tell you the sky is purple when you know its blue. We spend much of our lives listening to other people, allowing their thoughts about us, their opinions, their words, and their fucked up non-facts rule our actions and thoughts. It's fine to seek counsel, but then take those words, evaluate their meaning, their importance, and their relevance, put them in their proper place, and discard them. Dont walk around holding on to other people's thoughts and ideas...because most often, they are laced with poor judgment, dishonesty, disrespect, and yes...bullshit. Do your own research, come to your own conclusions, and make decisions based on your own wants and needs, using counsel only as a frame of reference.
+ and -
We spend alot of time explaining away our aversion to things. We see its bad, but we add a little bit of this a little bit of that, and soon it becomes more easy to digest. NO...stop that. If it is bad, its bad...if it is good, its good...it doesn't need a pinch of salt or a dash of pepper for it to be okay just the way it is...if it is good. Now if its bad, the salt will make it send u into sodium shock and the pepper will have u sneezing. So, look at things as they are, without the filler and the additives.
BEING OPEN
The key to being your absolute best, is being open to all the fantastic opportunities the world has to offer. You have to break out of your comfort zone to ever see any real wonders or miracles happen. We limit ourselves in our experiences, in our thoughts, in our emotions, and in our hearts...so that we think we dont deserve certain things, we aren't good enough, or that perhaps we are too good. The truth is that the world works much better with us going around exploring it...finding its and our true treasures.
So take a word from the trying to get wise...live your best life...it is the only life worth having!
Song of the Day" My Life by Mary J. Blige
Most people are fine mediocrity...they think that as long as they are just getting by, that is better than failing. I don't personally agree. Failure is always a better option that mediocrity...because there is a lesson in failure...there is a another shot after you fail. When you are okay with being mediocre, you are stuck in the middle, neither good nor bad, prince nor pauper...and more importantly you are just stuck.
The time is now to reject mediocrity, at least for me. I am not sure that I ever accepted it, but I have found myself there in different aspects of my life, many times. I refuse to be stuck ever again...professionally, personally, emotionally or mentally, physically or spiritually...I am seeking the win...and you don't contribute to the win when you are stuck on the bench the whole game.
Now, it is not as simple as making a decision, although that is the first step. The real key to becoming free to be at your best is by accepting no bullshit, from yourself or others; dealing only in positives and negatives with no in betweens; and opening yourself up to all the wonders of life.
NO BULLSHIT
Don't let anyone tell you the sky is purple when you know its blue. We spend much of our lives listening to other people, allowing their thoughts about us, their opinions, their words, and their fucked up non-facts rule our actions and thoughts. It's fine to seek counsel, but then take those words, evaluate their meaning, their importance, and their relevance, put them in their proper place, and discard them. Dont walk around holding on to other people's thoughts and ideas...because most often, they are laced with poor judgment, dishonesty, disrespect, and yes...bullshit. Do your own research, come to your own conclusions, and make decisions based on your own wants and needs, using counsel only as a frame of reference.
+ and -
We spend alot of time explaining away our aversion to things. We see its bad, but we add a little bit of this a little bit of that, and soon it becomes more easy to digest. NO...stop that. If it is bad, its bad...if it is good, its good...it doesn't need a pinch of salt or a dash of pepper for it to be okay just the way it is...if it is good. Now if its bad, the salt will make it send u into sodium shock and the pepper will have u sneezing. So, look at things as they are, without the filler and the additives.
BEING OPEN
The key to being your absolute best, is being open to all the fantastic opportunities the world has to offer. You have to break out of your comfort zone to ever see any real wonders or miracles happen. We limit ourselves in our experiences, in our thoughts, in our emotions, and in our hearts...so that we think we dont deserve certain things, we aren't good enough, or that perhaps we are too good. The truth is that the world works much better with us going around exploring it...finding its and our true treasures.
So take a word from the trying to get wise...live your best life...it is the only life worth having!
Song of the Day" My Life by Mary J. Blige
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Talk to Me
" Your ears should be burning ..."
Women and men communicate differently...it is one of the hard realities of relationships that cause us to have the most friction.
Men are simple. Women are complex.
It is not that men are simple minded or women are difficult...it is at its heart the result of the different ways that we are taught to deal with our emotions, problems, our feelings, etc.
Men are taught to suck it up, be logical and as free from emotion as possible, to get to the result, to push their feelings aside and deal with reality.
Women are taught to cry it out, to let their hearts rule, to be more process driven, to talk about their feelings and to use them when making decisions.
As a result, women are the 2 +2 and men are the 4.
How do we work through these differences in order to have a successful relationship with one another.
Well, I cannot say this is THE answer, but it is the only solution I have come up with thus far.
Getting a man to understand my every in and out would be similar to a sane person trying to understand a serial killer...it is not meant for and sort of impossible for that to happen, unless they both are insane. The same is true with men and women. Women will never understand why men are so simple, and men will never understand all the complexities of a woman. The truth of the matter is...we need to learn to accept what is, love each other, and work through our differences when we come to them, at a middle ground.
A woman wants a man to know when...a man wants to tell a woman when...but neither approach works with the other.
Instead of using the approach that works with YOU, try the approach that works with the person you need something from...and keep in mind that while these are generalizations, there are varying degrees of this from person to person. With me, tell me what you want or need and I will do the same. We can suspend the conversation until after the want or need is met, because we will both be in a better place. For some women, that won't work...so you have to know your mate. If your woman is typcially emotional, get to know her well, so that you can almost sense her wants. If she gets sad and needs to be held, try to get to know what sadness looks like on her. If she gets angry and wants you to get out of the way so she can clean, figure out what angry looks like on her. If she is like me...a little more realistic and a little less emotional...you may be able to get away with being more direct with her.
For women, if you have that man's man, come at him in a way he can understand, straight up no chaser. You need help with the kids, time to yourself, whatever...let him know. Suspend your emotion, don't come at him crying and weepy, just talk to him, he will usually concur, because you have communicated with him in a way that makes sense to him. If your man is a little more emotional, you might be able to be a little less direct...but in my experience, the more direct you are with a man, the better his understanding and more likely your needs or wants will be met.
Communication is key to any healthy relationship. Before you embark on a serious relationship with someone, it is key that you discuss your mode of communication, how you tend to deal with things, and what you can and cannot tolerate, so each of you will be on the same page. Realize that men and women are different, but ultimately we all want to be secure in our relationships, which means knowing that our needs and wants are going to be met.
Song of the Day: House of Cards by Radiohead
Women and men communicate differently...it is one of the hard realities of relationships that cause us to have the most friction.
Men are simple. Women are complex.
It is not that men are simple minded or women are difficult...it is at its heart the result of the different ways that we are taught to deal with our emotions, problems, our feelings, etc.
Men are taught to suck it up, be logical and as free from emotion as possible, to get to the result, to push their feelings aside and deal with reality.
Women are taught to cry it out, to let their hearts rule, to be more process driven, to talk about their feelings and to use them when making decisions.
As a result, women are the 2 +2 and men are the 4.
How do we work through these differences in order to have a successful relationship with one another.
Well, I cannot say this is THE answer, but it is the only solution I have come up with thus far.
Getting a man to understand my every in and out would be similar to a sane person trying to understand a serial killer...it is not meant for and sort of impossible for that to happen, unless they both are insane. The same is true with men and women. Women will never understand why men are so simple, and men will never understand all the complexities of a woman. The truth of the matter is...we need to learn to accept what is, love each other, and work through our differences when we come to them, at a middle ground.
A woman wants a man to know when...a man wants to tell a woman when...but neither approach works with the other.
Instead of using the approach that works with YOU, try the approach that works with the person you need something from...and keep in mind that while these are generalizations, there are varying degrees of this from person to person. With me, tell me what you want or need and I will do the same. We can suspend the conversation until after the want or need is met, because we will both be in a better place. For some women, that won't work...so you have to know your mate. If your woman is typcially emotional, get to know her well, so that you can almost sense her wants. If she gets sad and needs to be held, try to get to know what sadness looks like on her. If she gets angry and wants you to get out of the way so she can clean, figure out what angry looks like on her. If she is like me...a little more realistic and a little less emotional...you may be able to get away with being more direct with her.
For women, if you have that man's man, come at him in a way he can understand, straight up no chaser. You need help with the kids, time to yourself, whatever...let him know. Suspend your emotion, don't come at him crying and weepy, just talk to him, he will usually concur, because you have communicated with him in a way that makes sense to him. If your man is a little more emotional, you might be able to be a little less direct...but in my experience, the more direct you are with a man, the better his understanding and more likely your needs or wants will be met.
Communication is key to any healthy relationship. Before you embark on a serious relationship with someone, it is key that you discuss your mode of communication, how you tend to deal with things, and what you can and cannot tolerate, so each of you will be on the same page. Realize that men and women are different, but ultimately we all want to be secure in our relationships, which means knowing that our needs and wants are going to be met.
Song of the Day: House of Cards by Radiohead
Friday, July 16, 2010
Encore
"My latest,my greatest inspiration...take me higher"
Inspiration came to me yesterday.
He showed me my life, a few years from now, how it could be.
He opened up my heart to the possibility of the same greatness he possesses.
He told me that I added to his potential, that by being an inspiration, I gave him more power.
He took my hand and showed me my success, if I only harnessed all my talents, honored them, and rode those bad boys til the wheels fell off!
I decided in that moment, to listen.
I do alot of coaching, helping, assisting...but this time, if only for a moment, I was being mentored.
I thought about my talents...the ones I use daily and those that have sort of sat idly waiting to be used.
I thought about time, and how it waits for no one...that while I was sitting by not using those talents, they were being wasted and dishonored!
So yesterday, was the first day of the rest of my life.
My life is about to change dramatically...in ways that I had only ever dreamed of before.
And they say...life is but a dream!
DREAM BIG!
Song of the Day:
Inspiration came to me yesterday.
He showed me my life, a few years from now, how it could be.
He opened up my heart to the possibility of the same greatness he possesses.
He told me that I added to his potential, that by being an inspiration, I gave him more power.
He took my hand and showed me my success, if I only harnessed all my talents, honored them, and rode those bad boys til the wheels fell off!
I decided in that moment, to listen.
I do alot of coaching, helping, assisting...but this time, if only for a moment, I was being mentored.
I thought about my talents...the ones I use daily and those that have sort of sat idly waiting to be used.
I thought about time, and how it waits for no one...that while I was sitting by not using those talents, they were being wasted and dishonored!
So yesterday, was the first day of the rest of my life.
My life is about to change dramatically...in ways that I had only ever dreamed of before.
And they say...life is but a dream!
DREAM BIG!
Song of the Day:
Thursday, July 15, 2010
This is It
I have never been one of those people who invites people into my life easily. I like and enjoy people socially, but inviting them into my life on a personal level is a whole other monster, one whose tracks I rarely follow. So, for me, friendship, the stepping stone to any relationship, is a serious matter...it is about fun and lightness, support and comfort, confidences and truth, and add in a few cocktails and great songs to dance to...and you have yourself a party!!!!
I have had many an ordeal in my life...fighting death, moving across country, man after man after man after man problems, law school, confrontations, family issues...you name it! Friends are those people who celebrate your victories and dry your tears during your failures. So, when one of my friends is celebrating a victory or mourning a loss, I want to be there for them because they are like family to me, I care for them just as much, if not more, than I do some of my actual family.
So when you realize you really don't care anymore...?
I wear my heart on my sleeve and my attitude on my face. It is not hard to read me, I tend to not hide it well. I have alot going on in my life at this moment, and I really don't need it complicated, especially by somoeone who does not seem to really care too much about anyone or anything but themselves. My mother always says that people can say or do whatever they want, with the understanding that the person to whome their words or actions are directed is going to have a reaction...it might be walking away, it might be socking you dead in your eye, it might be hugging you, it might be putting one through your temple...you never know! For every action, in other words, there is a reaction...maybe equal maybe not. You can say whatever you feel...you can do whatever you want. At the end of your turn, I get a turn.
So, when I have resolved my hurt feelings and my "fuck you" attitude, at the end of all of that, I am left with just one simple question...continue or end. And at this point in my life...as someone I love dearly has so eloquently and realistically written...all dead shit must end.
I don't think I could ever have the same fun with you; there is a thick smog in the air that has ruined the lightness; I get more support from a training bra; smog makes it really uncomfortable to breathe; I am no more confident in my ability to be your friend than I am in my ability to be honest with you without fallout...and while I plan to have many cocktails, I probably should refrain around you for fear the truth serum will really make me tell u what I am feeling, and the party...the party always goes on!
And you are correct my dear friend...all dead shit must end. Mourn it, bury it, and move on.
"Ya'll should grow the fuck up, come here lemme coach you"
Song of the Day: On to the Next One-Jay-Z
I have had many an ordeal in my life...fighting death, moving across country, man after man after man after man problems, law school, confrontations, family issues...you name it! Friends are those people who celebrate your victories and dry your tears during your failures. So, when one of my friends is celebrating a victory or mourning a loss, I want to be there for them because they are like family to me, I care for them just as much, if not more, than I do some of my actual family.
So when you realize you really don't care anymore...?
I wear my heart on my sleeve and my attitude on my face. It is not hard to read me, I tend to not hide it well. I have alot going on in my life at this moment, and I really don't need it complicated, especially by somoeone who does not seem to really care too much about anyone or anything but themselves. My mother always says that people can say or do whatever they want, with the understanding that the person to whome their words or actions are directed is going to have a reaction...it might be walking away, it might be socking you dead in your eye, it might be hugging you, it might be putting one through your temple...you never know! For every action, in other words, there is a reaction...maybe equal maybe not. You can say whatever you feel...you can do whatever you want. At the end of your turn, I get a turn.
So, when I have resolved my hurt feelings and my "fuck you" attitude, at the end of all of that, I am left with just one simple question...continue or end. And at this point in my life...as someone I love dearly has so eloquently and realistically written...all dead shit must end.
I don't think I could ever have the same fun with you; there is a thick smog in the air that has ruined the lightness; I get more support from a training bra; smog makes it really uncomfortable to breathe; I am no more confident in my ability to be your friend than I am in my ability to be honest with you without fallout...and while I plan to have many cocktails, I probably should refrain around you for fear the truth serum will really make me tell u what I am feeling, and the party...the party always goes on!
And you are correct my dear friend...all dead shit must end. Mourn it, bury it, and move on.
"Ya'll should grow the fuck up, come here lemme coach you"
Song of the Day: On to the Next One-Jay-Z
You Got Me
Most people would say I have a pretty modern and non-traditionalist take on life. I tend to like to rebel against the status quo. I don't like traditions, I prefer to make every thing I do, my own. However, there is one small area, that happens to be a big part of most of our lives, where my views are atypical to that which I would normally subscribe.
The Roles of Men and Women
I had a conversation recently with someone, and I was telling him that I believe that while women set the stage for whether a man has a chance with her, it is ultimately up to that man to choose her, to pick her for himself. Sounds a little archaic huh...well, lemme explain.
I used to think this kind of thing was ridiculous...that women were nurturers and caregivers and men were hunters, gatherers, and providers. I thought that women and men could and should be all of those things interchangeably depending on the need in the family...and I still do believe that. HOWEVER, I think that generally, we are going to take on one of these sets of roles more than the other. So, in my opinion, God has set a foundation for what He knows to be the best situation for a man and woman to create a stable family for a lifetime. Biologically, men are hunters and gatherers. Men tend to be stronger, bigger, more logical, , competitive, and task-oriented. Women tend to be better with communicating, emotion, are physically weaker but more flexible, better team players, and results oriented. Within a family, both perceptions are needed in decision making...but before you even get to the family, the simple act of picking a mate must take place. That, I believe...should be left up the man.
Now, I am not saying women should sit idly by and wait on a man to pick them...you have to make yourself attractive, interesting, and available to the type of men you want to be with. Once you set your sights on him, because you may actually notice him before he notices you, you have to be willing to put yourself into the spotlight just a tad, to make an impression. If you make the right impression, and if that man is right for you, he will take notice. As long as you keep each other interested, when the time comes to decide if you all should take your casual relationship further into a more serious one...I think that you should be chosen...
The thrill of the hunt is in the chase...and if you are only doing a small jog, it will be an easy conquest...keep going on with your life, live, have fun, make him a part of your life, but not your entire life...and keep running...he will catch you if he wants you...and if he wants to keep you, he will choose you to be with him, because all of this is about timing...you miss out on your chance, you may never get the chance again.
Now, I a am a pretty tough cookie...so it is going to take someone strong and convicted in what he wants to win me over enough for me to even make myself available to him...but once that is done, I am pretty much ripe for the picking. You have to pick strong and sure though. I don't want to have to assure you, or make you believe I am the right pick. I will do my part to show you what I have to offer if I believe we will make a good match, after that, the choice is yours....
"You can get with this, or you can get with that...but this is where it's at"
Song of the Day: You Got Me by the Roots and Erykah Badu
The Roles of Men and Women
I had a conversation recently with someone, and I was telling him that I believe that while women set the stage for whether a man has a chance with her, it is ultimately up to that man to choose her, to pick her for himself. Sounds a little archaic huh...well, lemme explain.
I used to think this kind of thing was ridiculous...that women were nurturers and caregivers and men were hunters, gatherers, and providers. I thought that women and men could and should be all of those things interchangeably depending on the need in the family...and I still do believe that. HOWEVER, I think that generally, we are going to take on one of these sets of roles more than the other. So, in my opinion, God has set a foundation for what He knows to be the best situation for a man and woman to create a stable family for a lifetime. Biologically, men are hunters and gatherers. Men tend to be stronger, bigger, more logical, , competitive, and task-oriented. Women tend to be better with communicating, emotion, are physically weaker but more flexible, better team players, and results oriented. Within a family, both perceptions are needed in decision making...but before you even get to the family, the simple act of picking a mate must take place. That, I believe...should be left up the man.
Now, I am not saying women should sit idly by and wait on a man to pick them...you have to make yourself attractive, interesting, and available to the type of men you want to be with. Once you set your sights on him, because you may actually notice him before he notices you, you have to be willing to put yourself into the spotlight just a tad, to make an impression. If you make the right impression, and if that man is right for you, he will take notice. As long as you keep each other interested, when the time comes to decide if you all should take your casual relationship further into a more serious one...I think that you should be chosen...
The thrill of the hunt is in the chase...and if you are only doing a small jog, it will be an easy conquest...keep going on with your life, live, have fun, make him a part of your life, but not your entire life...and keep running...he will catch you if he wants you...and if he wants to keep you, he will choose you to be with him, because all of this is about timing...you miss out on your chance, you may never get the chance again.
Now, I a am a pretty tough cookie...so it is going to take someone strong and convicted in what he wants to win me over enough for me to even make myself available to him...but once that is done, I am pretty much ripe for the picking. You have to pick strong and sure though. I don't want to have to assure you, or make you believe I am the right pick. I will do my part to show you what I have to offer if I believe we will make a good match, after that, the choice is yours....
"You can get with this, or you can get with that...but this is where it's at"
Song of the Day: You Got Me by the Roots and Erykah Badu
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
When the Money Goes
" When the money goes, will the honey stay, will the gray clouds replace the sunny days?"
I could beat around the bush, but it is typically not my style.
So, in a nutshell, the answer to the above question, is yes.
Love is an emotion and an action, it is about being shown you are loved, being told, and being secure in that. It is a wonderful feeling that can be tainted by bad behaviour and unfortunate circumstances.
Love is definitely affected by the outside world, as you cannot love someone in a box.
Love is affected by faithfulness, affection, attention, communication, trust...I could go on... but it is extremely rooted in stability...
Men tend to want the stablility of not being left, of a woman standing beside him through anything life throws their way. Women tend to want the stability of being cared for and protected. Such different expectations of a relationship, often lead to different expectations in those roots of love. And when a man goes from being a provider to a boarder...it changes things.
Money is a commodity, it is a bartering tool. The more money you have, the more power you have in the world of goods and services. We need some of these goods and services to live...food, water, shelther, clothes...and some of those goods and services are expendable, but maintain a level of comfort, luxury, or stability. For example, if monthly you pay to get your lawn manicured, go to the spa, for a fitness membership, a maid every two weeks, and a babysitter on your monthly date night...and suddenly you don't have the means to do those things, it is going to put a small stress on your relationship. Expand that to not being able to pay the utilities, bigger strain...the mortgage, even bigger...food, a nightmare. Will the love still be good, probably not. A man that is unable, at his most meager, to help keep a roof over my head and food in the refrigerator is not adding, but subtracting from my life. What love has he earned? What honey would stay?
I would never simply leave someone because he has fallen on bad times, as I would not want anyone to treat me the same. However, it is one thing to be having a bad moment, and another to be displaying a lack of motivation and a basic understanding of necessities. As wonderful as love is, it is does pay for anything, it cannot be given to the gas man when he comes to turn off the meter, as a promissory note.
Make sure you find yourself, a hustler...not in the street sense of the term, but a man who is going to provide, no matter what...if he has to sell lemons on the side of the street, put up a tent and draw pictures at the local fair, or stick out a little leg (I am kidding)...he is going to make sure that you are taken care of, and that the honey stays.
Song of the Day: Upgrade You by Beyonce
I could beat around the bush, but it is typically not my style.
So, in a nutshell, the answer to the above question, is yes.
Love is an emotion and an action, it is about being shown you are loved, being told, and being secure in that. It is a wonderful feeling that can be tainted by bad behaviour and unfortunate circumstances.
Love is definitely affected by the outside world, as you cannot love someone in a box.
Love is affected by faithfulness, affection, attention, communication, trust...I could go on... but it is extremely rooted in stability...
Men tend to want the stablility of not being left, of a woman standing beside him through anything life throws their way. Women tend to want the stability of being cared for and protected. Such different expectations of a relationship, often lead to different expectations in those roots of love. And when a man goes from being a provider to a boarder...it changes things.
Money is a commodity, it is a bartering tool. The more money you have, the more power you have in the world of goods and services. We need some of these goods and services to live...food, water, shelther, clothes...and some of those goods and services are expendable, but maintain a level of comfort, luxury, or stability. For example, if monthly you pay to get your lawn manicured, go to the spa, for a fitness membership, a maid every two weeks, and a babysitter on your monthly date night...and suddenly you don't have the means to do those things, it is going to put a small stress on your relationship. Expand that to not being able to pay the utilities, bigger strain...the mortgage, even bigger...food, a nightmare. Will the love still be good, probably not. A man that is unable, at his most meager, to help keep a roof over my head and food in the refrigerator is not adding, but subtracting from my life. What love has he earned? What honey would stay?
I would never simply leave someone because he has fallen on bad times, as I would not want anyone to treat me the same. However, it is one thing to be having a bad moment, and another to be displaying a lack of motivation and a basic understanding of necessities. As wonderful as love is, it is does pay for anything, it cannot be given to the gas man when he comes to turn off the meter, as a promissory note.
Make sure you find yourself, a hustler...not in the street sense of the term, but a man who is going to provide, no matter what...if he has to sell lemons on the side of the street, put up a tent and draw pictures at the local fair, or stick out a little leg (I am kidding)...he is going to make sure that you are taken care of, and that the honey stays.
Song of the Day: Upgrade You by Beyonce
Saturday, July 10, 2010
If Only You Knew
"My deepest inner feelings, my heart and soul"
If only you knew me, you would know I am....loyal!
If I care about you or love you, there are no limits. I am dedicated to you 100% and I would give my right arm for your health and happiness.
If you only knew me, you would know I am...sensitive!
I don't come across as sensitive, but I am. My feelings can get hurt fairly easily and I am a sucka for you if I like you.
If you only knew me, you would know I am...passionate.
I am an all or nothing kind of girl...I either give it my all or my nothing. I tend to eat, sleep, and breathe the things that mean alot to me, and I give everything I do and extreme level of intensity.
If you only knew me, you would know that I am...a pessimist.
I have always been a glass half empty person. I can certainly see the good in things and want the best in every situation, however, I tend to be able to see the bad much more easily...it sticks out like a sore thumb to me, and I can call it out every time. I don't seem to have that same insight into the good. Wish I did...
If you only know me, you would know that I ...have insecurities.
A friend of mine once told me...You have always been very confident, always knew that you could have whatever you wanted. I didn't really see myself in that light though. I am confident, to an extent. Mostly in my mental abilities...I know that I am intelligent and creative. I also know that I am very insecure about many other things, most of which most people would never know about, because I keep those hidden. I am insecure less often about how I look, which seems to be what most women are concerned about, and much more insecure about my own choices, my desires, my wants. I struggle with whether the things that I see for myself are actually my own true desires or ones I have thrust upon myself because I believe it is what I SHOULD be doing. I struggle with decisions that will affect other people, and whether I am correct in making a decision for my own needs that will affect other people in a negative way. I struggle with impatience, wanting things in that moment, and not having the peace and calm to accept them as they come. I struggle with building a future for myself that is about doing what I want to do and living the life I want to lead, and not being led by a desire for possessions and objects but for purpose!
If I only knew you, what would I find out??
Song of the Day: All That I Am by Joe
If only you knew me, you would know I am....loyal!
If I care about you or love you, there are no limits. I am dedicated to you 100% and I would give my right arm for your health and happiness.
If you only knew me, you would know I am...sensitive!
I don't come across as sensitive, but I am. My feelings can get hurt fairly easily and I am a sucka for you if I like you.
If you only knew me, you would know I am...passionate.
I am an all or nothing kind of girl...I either give it my all or my nothing. I tend to eat, sleep, and breathe the things that mean alot to me, and I give everything I do and extreme level of intensity.
If you only knew me, you would know that I am...a pessimist.
I have always been a glass half empty person. I can certainly see the good in things and want the best in every situation, however, I tend to be able to see the bad much more easily...it sticks out like a sore thumb to me, and I can call it out every time. I don't seem to have that same insight into the good. Wish I did...
If you only know me, you would know that I ...have insecurities.
A friend of mine once told me...You have always been very confident, always knew that you could have whatever you wanted. I didn't really see myself in that light though. I am confident, to an extent. Mostly in my mental abilities...I know that I am intelligent and creative. I also know that I am very insecure about many other things, most of which most people would never know about, because I keep those hidden. I am insecure less often about how I look, which seems to be what most women are concerned about, and much more insecure about my own choices, my desires, my wants. I struggle with whether the things that I see for myself are actually my own true desires or ones I have thrust upon myself because I believe it is what I SHOULD be doing. I struggle with decisions that will affect other people, and whether I am correct in making a decision for my own needs that will affect other people in a negative way. I struggle with impatience, wanting things in that moment, and not having the peace and calm to accept them as they come. I struggle with building a future for myself that is about doing what I want to do and living the life I want to lead, and not being led by a desire for possessions and objects but for purpose!
If I only knew you, what would I find out??
Song of the Day: All That I Am by Joe
Friday, July 9, 2010
One More Chance
"If I stumble if I fall, just help me back."
We all make mistakes. Some of our mistakes are forgivable, and some...well...heinous crimes!
For every action there is a reaction, that you cannot control, and once you make a mistake, the next move is on the other player. So, what happens when you are on the giving or the receiving end of that mistake, and you want another chance...
How many times has she said something hurtful? How many times did he say he would call and did not? Or what about the time she just never showed up, or he forgot your birthday?
In your heart, you want to forgive, but your head is telling you that someone who cares for you just would not do certain things. And both your head and your heart are correct. Forgiveness is important, much more important for you than for them. However, forgiving someone and allowing or accepting the behavior are not one in the same. Your head is telling you to make sure they understand that this behavior is not going to be tolerated...or, if this is say, their tenth time doing the same shit over and over, then your head is telling you to stop, look and listen before you get run over by the run away train called Jerk.
Whatever the case, it is key, to take stock of your expectations and your wants, and decide if it is a mistake that can simply be solved by an apology, or if this time, you are going to need some time to make sure they don't think you are a pushover!
Likewise, just as you have been on the receiving end, you have given your fair share too. I know I have.
When you are the one giving your mate the flux, you have to own up to it, apologize, and assure them that you are not going to continue the same foolish crap. It is not that easy though. The real test, is honoring your word. If you make the assurance, stick to it. Learn from the way your partner felt, and if you don't want to find yourself partner LESS it might be a good idea to decide to never, purposely, make them feel that way again. If you continue to do the same stupid stuff over and over, you are purposely hurting them...so stop making those same mistakes. Also important: Take stock of those things that you do, like a laundry list, and discard those negative behaviors from your repertoire. When you see yourself moving towards to acting in those less than desirable ways, punish yourself before you even start. Could be as simple as making yourself work out a few extra minutes, or it could be one extra date when instead of going dutch, you have to pay. Bet you will start rethinking those silly mistakes then...when it hits you in the pockets.
Whatever the case, remember that we all are human and subject to a faux pas every now and then!!!
Song of the Day: One More Night by Phil Collins
We all make mistakes. Some of our mistakes are forgivable, and some...well...heinous crimes!
For every action there is a reaction, that you cannot control, and once you make a mistake, the next move is on the other player. So, what happens when you are on the giving or the receiving end of that mistake, and you want another chance...
How many times has she said something hurtful? How many times did he say he would call and did not? Or what about the time she just never showed up, or he forgot your birthday?
In your heart, you want to forgive, but your head is telling you that someone who cares for you just would not do certain things. And both your head and your heart are correct. Forgiveness is important, much more important for you than for them. However, forgiving someone and allowing or accepting the behavior are not one in the same. Your head is telling you to make sure they understand that this behavior is not going to be tolerated...or, if this is say, their tenth time doing the same shit over and over, then your head is telling you to stop, look and listen before you get run over by the run away train called Jerk.
Whatever the case, it is key, to take stock of your expectations and your wants, and decide if it is a mistake that can simply be solved by an apology, or if this time, you are going to need some time to make sure they don't think you are a pushover!
Likewise, just as you have been on the receiving end, you have given your fair share too. I know I have.
When you are the one giving your mate the flux, you have to own up to it, apologize, and assure them that you are not going to continue the same foolish crap. It is not that easy though. The real test, is honoring your word. If you make the assurance, stick to it. Learn from the way your partner felt, and if you don't want to find yourself partner LESS it might be a good idea to decide to never, purposely, make them feel that way again. If you continue to do the same stupid stuff over and over, you are purposely hurting them...so stop making those same mistakes. Also important: Take stock of those things that you do, like a laundry list, and discard those negative behaviors from your repertoire. When you see yourself moving towards to acting in those less than desirable ways, punish yourself before you even start. Could be as simple as making yourself work out a few extra minutes, or it could be one extra date when instead of going dutch, you have to pay. Bet you will start rethinking those silly mistakes then...when it hits you in the pockets.
Whatever the case, remember that we all are human and subject to a faux pas every now and then!!!
Song of the Day: One More Night by Phil Collins
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Karma
"What goes around, comes all the way back around"
Everyday, each and everyday, I witness people doing some of the dumbest and most spiteful shit, and I don't think they ever stop to realize that that which they put out into the world is going to come back and hit them in the face with triple the force. If we all took a time out before we do things, and contemplate the consequences, I believe wholeheartedly that we would get along better, and although I hate cliches...the world would indeed be a better place!
Think of the friend who has been purely self-centered and off putting, who now needs you, but is unable to communicate with you because of his or her discomfort with both you, for being less than a friend, and the situation, for allowing it to happen and continue...whatever that situation might be. Never in a million years did that person expect for things to be strained with you, but at the same time, he should have. You have to be the kind of friend you want to have, I say that all the time. My friendships mean the world to me...and I do everything I can to maintain them and keep them. People who allow their friendships to wither, and want to come back and feed and nourish them once the season has come and gone, find themselves in a lonely place. But karma, is truly a bitch.
Think of the co-worker who has spread nasty gossip around the building, telling lies and mistruths about someone...only to have it come back that none of it is actually true. That person has tainted another's reputation and credibility, only to now be the subject of that same ridicule. What goes around comes back around, and when you spew shit and venom...you end up smelly and poisoned. Again, karma truly is a bitch.
So think about the things you say and do, and remember that in the end, when you are kind and treat people well...no matter how they treat you, you always win.
Song of the Day: Power by Kanye West
Everyday, each and everyday, I witness people doing some of the dumbest and most spiteful shit, and I don't think they ever stop to realize that that which they put out into the world is going to come back and hit them in the face with triple the force. If we all took a time out before we do things, and contemplate the consequences, I believe wholeheartedly that we would get along better, and although I hate cliches...the world would indeed be a better place!
Think of the friend who has been purely self-centered and off putting, who now needs you, but is unable to communicate with you because of his or her discomfort with both you, for being less than a friend, and the situation, for allowing it to happen and continue...whatever that situation might be. Never in a million years did that person expect for things to be strained with you, but at the same time, he should have. You have to be the kind of friend you want to have, I say that all the time. My friendships mean the world to me...and I do everything I can to maintain them and keep them. People who allow their friendships to wither, and want to come back and feed and nourish them once the season has come and gone, find themselves in a lonely place. But karma, is truly a bitch.
Think of the co-worker who has spread nasty gossip around the building, telling lies and mistruths about someone...only to have it come back that none of it is actually true. That person has tainted another's reputation and credibility, only to now be the subject of that same ridicule. What goes around comes back around, and when you spew shit and venom...you end up smelly and poisoned. Again, karma truly is a bitch.
So think about the things you say and do, and remember that in the end, when you are kind and treat people well...no matter how they treat you, you always win.
Song of the Day: Power by Kanye West
Monday, June 28, 2010
Man in the Mirror
Last night, I watched the BET Awards, and first off, it was much better than last year.
Anyway, I was excited to see Chris Brown finally do a tribute to Michael Jackson, probably the only person on the planet, other than Janet, who could really do it justice.
I watched him moonwalk and glide all over that stage, moving like Michael had temporarily taken over his body...then I watched the brother break down on stage. Now, I wanted a performance, and I got that, I wanted a whole performance, I didn't get that...but I was actually quite pleased with what I got...and under the circumstances I can completely understand the breakdown.
I will never know what it feels like to be blackballed so badly that I see my dreams going up in smoke. But I do know what it feels like to feel on top of the world one minute and in a sinkhole the next. To see your life change, in a singular moment. To feel like you have possibly sealed your fate, based on one simple decision or mistake. I would imagine...all of those things feel generally the same...F&%$ed UP!
So you get the chance to make a comeback, what I think was indeed his comeback. Chris Brown has made many mistakes, but I can say for certain, that he is still one HELL OF A performer and talent. To make him pay for his mistakes by robbing him of his livelihood, I think is cruel and unusual punishment. As a public, we have forgiven people for similar behaviors over and over again, mainly grown and mature adults. But this young man, deserves another chance to be the big star he was destined to be...
Imagine in your life, recognizing your biggest dream...and then u make some huge mistake...for most of us, that would not necessarily mean watching your dream float away...but for someone in the public eye, scrutinized at every turn, that is their reality. Is it any more fair because they are rich or famous...I don't think so...we are all human, we are all subject to make mistakes, and we should all be forgiven for our misdeeds...even if they are never forgotten.
"If u wanna make the world, a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change."
Song of the Day: Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson
Anyway, I was excited to see Chris Brown finally do a tribute to Michael Jackson, probably the only person on the planet, other than Janet, who could really do it justice.
I watched him moonwalk and glide all over that stage, moving like Michael had temporarily taken over his body...then I watched the brother break down on stage. Now, I wanted a performance, and I got that, I wanted a whole performance, I didn't get that...but I was actually quite pleased with what I got...and under the circumstances I can completely understand the breakdown.
I will never know what it feels like to be blackballed so badly that I see my dreams going up in smoke. But I do know what it feels like to feel on top of the world one minute and in a sinkhole the next. To see your life change, in a singular moment. To feel like you have possibly sealed your fate, based on one simple decision or mistake. I would imagine...all of those things feel generally the same...F&%$ed UP!
So you get the chance to make a comeback, what I think was indeed his comeback. Chris Brown has made many mistakes, but I can say for certain, that he is still one HELL OF A performer and talent. To make him pay for his mistakes by robbing him of his livelihood, I think is cruel and unusual punishment. As a public, we have forgiven people for similar behaviors over and over again, mainly grown and mature adults. But this young man, deserves another chance to be the big star he was destined to be...
Imagine in your life, recognizing your biggest dream...and then u make some huge mistake...for most of us, that would not necessarily mean watching your dream float away...but for someone in the public eye, scrutinized at every turn, that is their reality. Is it any more fair because they are rich or famous...I don't think so...we are all human, we are all subject to make mistakes, and we should all be forgiven for our misdeeds...even if they are never forgotten.
"If u wanna make the world, a better place, take a look at yourself and make a change."
Song of the Day: Man in the Mirror by Michael Jackson
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Reborn
U awakened me from the dead
Breathed air into my lungs
Cured the rigor mortis
Life has just begun
U got my neurons to fire
Gave my heart a shock
I got feeling in my toes
Suddenly its not so dark
U gave me resuscitation
I no longer feel the pain
Turned my switch to on
I'm calling out your name
U gave me all your love
Cured my broken heart
Yet u were always there
In my heart from the start.
Song of the Day: My Heart Will Go On-Celine Dion
Breathed air into my lungs
Cured the rigor mortis
Life has just begun
U got my neurons to fire
Gave my heart a shock
I got feeling in my toes
Suddenly its not so dark
U gave me resuscitation
I no longer feel the pain
Turned my switch to on
I'm calling out your name
U gave me all your love
Cured my broken heart
Yet u were always there
In my heart from the start.
Song of the Day: My Heart Will Go On-Celine Dion
Thursday, June 24, 2010
My First Love
Long as I live, you will always be, my first love...
MUSIC!
I love music, just as long as its groovin...
Okay, enough already, but I love music.
I have been having this love affair since I can remember.
There is a picture of me in a blue and red jumpsuit, holding an LP, an album, yes, they had those
when I was a kid, ready for someone to play my song...and I would dance.
I would dance anywhere, anytime, in front of anyone...because that is what you do, when you love music.
You are moved by it emotionally, physically, it moves something in your spirit in your soul.
Ever heard the words...
"Love has, truly, been good to me..."
And it just made your heart open up like a rose in bloom.
Or...
"About a half a mile from heaven, you dropped me back down to this cold, cold world..."
When someone has just torn your heart in two...
It is like Luther and Stevie were talking to you, like they knew your pain, like they had written and sang that song, just for you.
Music is powerful, it is universal, it is beautiful, and it is magical.
I remember hearing the song "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera...not necessarily one of my favorite singers...and I cried. I was having a time in my life, where I felt insecure, I felt alone, I cannot recall now if it was at the hands of some fool boy or I was just having a moment...but everytime I heard that song, it made me feel better about myself. I started to sing it to myself...as I went to sleep...and even though my voice is nowhere near as beautiful as hers...it wasn't the sound, it was the meaning, the feeling behind the words, that took me to another place. A place where I felt safe and secure.
I don't think anyone ever knew I loved that song...but each time I hear it, even now...it awakens something in me, and it makes me feel whole.
I love music...
In college, I was in love with Mary J. Blige, and I recall hearing "Deep Inside" for the first time, and recalling that piano melody I had heard many times before...ELTON JOHN! I ran out the next day and bought Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, the album "Bennie and the Jets" was on...and playing it nonstop in my college apartment. It was something about the piano in that song, it reminded me of some tripped out movie..."She's got electric boots a mohair suit"... I played that song each and every day for weeks, and I danced around my small room in my underwear in a trance. I would listen to it, and feel like I could accomplish anything, once writing a 20 page paper in just a few hours, that song playing fanatically in the background. Each time I hear it, it takes me back to those days, and I just wanna dance around in my underwear in a trance.
I love music...
I have similar stories about Peg by Steely Dan, Clocks by Coldplay, American Dreamin by Jay-Z, and Lovin is Really My Game by Brainstorm. I remember my life in music...when I fell head over heels in love with hip hop the first time I heard Beats to the Rhyme by Run DMC...the first time I ever danced with a boy to Always by Atlantic Starr...
I love music...
Song of the Day: My First Love-Rene and Angela
MUSIC!
I love music, just as long as its groovin...
Okay, enough already, but I love music.
I have been having this love affair since I can remember.
There is a picture of me in a blue and red jumpsuit, holding an LP, an album, yes, they had those
when I was a kid, ready for someone to play my song...and I would dance.
I would dance anywhere, anytime, in front of anyone...because that is what you do, when you love music.
You are moved by it emotionally, physically, it moves something in your spirit in your soul.
Ever heard the words...
"Love has, truly, been good to me..."
And it just made your heart open up like a rose in bloom.
Or...
"About a half a mile from heaven, you dropped me back down to this cold, cold world..."
When someone has just torn your heart in two...
It is like Luther and Stevie were talking to you, like they knew your pain, like they had written and sang that song, just for you.
Music is powerful, it is universal, it is beautiful, and it is magical.
I remember hearing the song "Beautiful" by Christina Aguilera...not necessarily one of my favorite singers...and I cried. I was having a time in my life, where I felt insecure, I felt alone, I cannot recall now if it was at the hands of some fool boy or I was just having a moment...but everytime I heard that song, it made me feel better about myself. I started to sing it to myself...as I went to sleep...and even though my voice is nowhere near as beautiful as hers...it wasn't the sound, it was the meaning, the feeling behind the words, that took me to another place. A place where I felt safe and secure.
I don't think anyone ever knew I loved that song...but each time I hear it, even now...it awakens something in me, and it makes me feel whole.
I love music...
In college, I was in love with Mary J. Blige, and I recall hearing "Deep Inside" for the first time, and recalling that piano melody I had heard many times before...ELTON JOHN! I ran out the next day and bought Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, the album "Bennie and the Jets" was on...and playing it nonstop in my college apartment. It was something about the piano in that song, it reminded me of some tripped out movie..."She's got electric boots a mohair suit"... I played that song each and every day for weeks, and I danced around my small room in my underwear in a trance. I would listen to it, and feel like I could accomplish anything, once writing a 20 page paper in just a few hours, that song playing fanatically in the background. Each time I hear it, it takes me back to those days, and I just wanna dance around in my underwear in a trance.
I love music...
I have similar stories about Peg by Steely Dan, Clocks by Coldplay, American Dreamin by Jay-Z, and Lovin is Really My Game by Brainstorm. I remember my life in music...when I fell head over heels in love with hip hop the first time I heard Beats to the Rhyme by Run DMC...the first time I ever danced with a boy to Always by Atlantic Starr...
I love music...
Song of the Day: My First Love-Rene and Angela
The Tipping Point
Just tip me over and pour me out
I am full and overflowing
With hot lies and deceit
Escaping your mistruths
and actions so indiscreet
What is now spilt and spoiled
Was once so simple and sweet
Just tip me over and pour me out
I want to be set free
No where to turn in haste
I bubble up at the thought
of the dreams you let waste
What we had is dead and gone
Memories have been erased.
Just tip me over and pour me out
My liquid emotions trickle out
You can't drink from this cup
There is nothing left inside
I have been all drunk up.
Just tip me over...
-------------------------------------------
We all have our tipping points...
Song of the Day: Impossible by Shontelle
I am full and overflowing
With hot lies and deceit
Escaping your mistruths
and actions so indiscreet
What is now spilt and spoiled
Was once so simple and sweet
Just tip me over and pour me out
I want to be set free
No where to turn in haste
I bubble up at the thought
of the dreams you let waste
What we had is dead and gone
Memories have been erased.
Just tip me over and pour me out
My liquid emotions trickle out
You can't drink from this cup
There is nothing left inside
I have been all drunk up.
Just tip me over...
-------------------------------------------
We all have our tipping points...
Song of the Day: Impossible by Shontelle
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Brokenhearted
"Only brokenhearted, life's not over..."
As much as you HATE to hear stuff like this when your heart has just been gouged open with a machete...it is still the truth.
Heartbreak is a part of life. I for one, have had my heart broken many times..more than I care to remember, in fact. As devastating and gut wrenching an experience it is, the fact is that, your first heartbreak won't seem as bad as your second, and your second as bad as your third. Heartbreak, is in the moment. It is worse when you are living in the middle of it...and the farther away from it you get, the easier it becomes to sleep without what seemed to be the requisite tears, to smile again, to feel human again, to realize that your life, is not in fact, over.
I am smack dab in the middle of heartbreak...unfortunately, mine has lasted a bit longer this time than in times past. I am at the point of heartbreak where my heart is starting to mend itself, although every now and then I hear a crack or two, a reminder of that once intense feeling that someone had punched me in the stomach; that my life, as I had know it, had been one big lie; that I would never love or want to love again; and that I was so alone, I needed my own version of "Wilson" to keep me company.
Although the mountain is extremely high and there are so many landslides along the way, you think you will never be able to rough the terrain, there is life on the other side of heartbreak. I, for one, have seen glimpses of my life in the future...and while I once thought I would never want to hear the word love...I now know that love is not the reason for my heartbreak.
As hard as it is to see past heartbreak, the one thing that I have learned, that allows me to keep pushing through it is this...being hurt by someone you love is never about love, it is always about fear.
I refuse to let fear, be it my own or someone else's, control any second of my life. I refuse to allow it to play a part in the decisions I make about my future. I refuse to give it any power...
So in that spirit, I will allow heartbreak to run its course, but at the end of its run...I will love again.
"Love, for better or worse, I still will choose you first"
Song of the Day: Love by Musiq Soulchild
As much as you HATE to hear stuff like this when your heart has just been gouged open with a machete...it is still the truth.
Heartbreak is a part of life. I for one, have had my heart broken many times..more than I care to remember, in fact. As devastating and gut wrenching an experience it is, the fact is that, your first heartbreak won't seem as bad as your second, and your second as bad as your third. Heartbreak, is in the moment. It is worse when you are living in the middle of it...and the farther away from it you get, the easier it becomes to sleep without what seemed to be the requisite tears, to smile again, to feel human again, to realize that your life, is not in fact, over.
I am smack dab in the middle of heartbreak...unfortunately, mine has lasted a bit longer this time than in times past. I am at the point of heartbreak where my heart is starting to mend itself, although every now and then I hear a crack or two, a reminder of that once intense feeling that someone had punched me in the stomach; that my life, as I had know it, had been one big lie; that I would never love or want to love again; and that I was so alone, I needed my own version of "Wilson" to keep me company.
Although the mountain is extremely high and there are so many landslides along the way, you think you will never be able to rough the terrain, there is life on the other side of heartbreak. I, for one, have seen glimpses of my life in the future...and while I once thought I would never want to hear the word love...I now know that love is not the reason for my heartbreak.
As hard as it is to see past heartbreak, the one thing that I have learned, that allows me to keep pushing through it is this...being hurt by someone you love is never about love, it is always about fear.
I refuse to let fear, be it my own or someone else's, control any second of my life. I refuse to allow it to play a part in the decisions I make about my future. I refuse to give it any power...
So in that spirit, I will allow heartbreak to run its course, but at the end of its run...I will love again.
"Love, for better or worse, I still will choose you first"
Song of the Day: Love by Musiq Soulchild
Friends...how many of us have them...
You have to be the kind of friend you want to have...it is true!
If you want your friends to be thoughtful and kind, you have to be thoughtful and kind.
If you want your friends to be fun and interesting, you have to be fun and interesting.
If you simply want your friends to have your back, you have to have their backs as well.
Friendship is possibly the most important relationship you can have with another person, aside from a parent-child relationship. Friendship is the foundation upon which all great intimate relationships are built. It is the cornerstone for most of the connections you will have with other people in your life. And once you grow older, even your parents become your friends. It is actually a pretty amazing connection to have with another person.
That said, lately, I have been hearing alot of things that have disturbed me from people I know, about how their friends have been behaving...and it made me think, what are the rules of friendship...are there even rules.
Well, a simple answer is...HELL YEAH there are rules to friendship...certain codes that you just don't break, well not if you plan to keep your friends.
Rule #1: What is discussed between you and a friend should stay between u and a friend, unless there is some understanding between the two of you that you can tell other friends, etc.
It is extremely important for friends to be able to trust that what they tell you in confidence, remains in confidence.
Rule #2: Never be passive aggressive. My mother loves to say passive aggressive people should be shot in public...now, I wouldn't go that far, but I do believe that passive aggressive behavior has no place in a friendship. You have to speak up and out, not be afraid to say what is on your mind, and be honest with your friends. Beating around the bush is just not going to cut it.
Rule #3: Know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away and know when to run...
Get to know who your friends are, and when things happen, whether it is an argument, a mere disagreement, a friend is doing something you believe is harmful to themselves or other, or you simply think what they said or did was utterly ridiculous, whatever the case, you have to know your audience, so you can act accordingly. Know when it is the right time to step up and say something, or when it is the right time to just be a quiet support.
Rule #4: Loyalty
Loyalty is key...I often tell my friends, who are all much more like sisters to me than "just" friends...that I would help them hide a body...again, okay, this is all jokes...but the real meaning is that I am loyal to them and will help them in any way possible, within my limited powers. When your friends know and can trust that you are loyal to them, they always feel supported and will in turn, support you.
Rule #5: Boundaries
Even friendships have boundaries, and you have to both respect the boundaries and set up the boundaries. When someone is starting to cross your boundaries, friend or no friend, you have to make sure they understand your limitations...it makes for a much healthier and easy relationship when all people involved know what will and will not be tolerated.
Rule #6: Connection
Make a special connection, that only you and that person have, with each of your friends. Many people tend to have a core group of friends, but it is important to have relationships with all of those people independent from the group. Friendships are not group relationships, they are personal relationships, and when you don't take time out to make a connection with all of the people you consider your friends, don't be surprised if it turns out they were never your friend.
Rule #7: Pick up the phone. Every once in a while, make sure you communicate with your friends. Even if you one day realize it has been a year since you spoke, you most likely can call up that friend and pick right back up where you left off, be it last week or last year. Even if it is just to call to check on the person...(it is imperative in establishing a connection with the person, see Rule #6).
Friends...ones you can depend on!
Song of the Day: Fairweather Friend by Johnny Gill
If you want your friends to be thoughtful and kind, you have to be thoughtful and kind.
If you want your friends to be fun and interesting, you have to be fun and interesting.
If you simply want your friends to have your back, you have to have their backs as well.
Friendship is possibly the most important relationship you can have with another person, aside from a parent-child relationship. Friendship is the foundation upon which all great intimate relationships are built. It is the cornerstone for most of the connections you will have with other people in your life. And once you grow older, even your parents become your friends. It is actually a pretty amazing connection to have with another person.
That said, lately, I have been hearing alot of things that have disturbed me from people I know, about how their friends have been behaving...and it made me think, what are the rules of friendship...are there even rules.
Well, a simple answer is...HELL YEAH there are rules to friendship...certain codes that you just don't break, well not if you plan to keep your friends.
Rule #1: What is discussed between you and a friend should stay between u and a friend, unless there is some understanding between the two of you that you can tell other friends, etc.
It is extremely important for friends to be able to trust that what they tell you in confidence, remains in confidence.
Rule #2: Never be passive aggressive. My mother loves to say passive aggressive people should be shot in public...now, I wouldn't go that far, but I do believe that passive aggressive behavior has no place in a friendship. You have to speak up and out, not be afraid to say what is on your mind, and be honest with your friends. Beating around the bush is just not going to cut it.
Rule #3: Know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away and know when to run...
Get to know who your friends are, and when things happen, whether it is an argument, a mere disagreement, a friend is doing something you believe is harmful to themselves or other, or you simply think what they said or did was utterly ridiculous, whatever the case, you have to know your audience, so you can act accordingly. Know when it is the right time to step up and say something, or when it is the right time to just be a quiet support.
Rule #4: Loyalty
Loyalty is key...I often tell my friends, who are all much more like sisters to me than "just" friends...that I would help them hide a body...again, okay, this is all jokes...but the real meaning is that I am loyal to them and will help them in any way possible, within my limited powers. When your friends know and can trust that you are loyal to them, they always feel supported and will in turn, support you.
Rule #5: Boundaries
Even friendships have boundaries, and you have to both respect the boundaries and set up the boundaries. When someone is starting to cross your boundaries, friend or no friend, you have to make sure they understand your limitations...it makes for a much healthier and easy relationship when all people involved know what will and will not be tolerated.
Rule #6: Connection
Make a special connection, that only you and that person have, with each of your friends. Many people tend to have a core group of friends, but it is important to have relationships with all of those people independent from the group. Friendships are not group relationships, they are personal relationships, and when you don't take time out to make a connection with all of the people you consider your friends, don't be surprised if it turns out they were never your friend.
Rule #7: Pick up the phone. Every once in a while, make sure you communicate with your friends. Even if you one day realize it has been a year since you spoke, you most likely can call up that friend and pick right back up where you left off, be it last week or last year. Even if it is just to call to check on the person...(it is imperative in establishing a connection with the person, see Rule #6).
Friends...ones you can depend on!
Song of the Day: Fairweather Friend by Johnny Gill
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Hard Knock Life
Instead of treated, we get tricked
Instead of kisses, we get kicked
It's a Hard Knock Life...
TELL ME ABOUT IT!
You ever have a spell where you feel like you are being punished for something, but you cannot for your life figure out just what you could have done so heinous to be subjected such cruel and unusual punishment...
Well I am having one of those spells, and I can tell you in all honesty, while I have not always been a good girl, I have never been the devil's spawn, and that seems like the only reasonable cause for this series of events that I have called my life, over the past few months.
Whatever the case, there is truly value in the valley. Think of life as a series of ups and down...when you are up, you are on Cloud 9, all is well, life's blessings are abundant and you are happy and well. When you are down, sometimes down deep and other times just grazing in the pasture...but whatever the case, things are not going your way. The thing about it is, when you are down, you can only go up and there is a lesson that you can learn from whatever you are going through. Whether it is a lesson in patience, determination, confidence, boundaries, limitation, or fear, whatever it may be...take the time to learn the lesson, to heed the lesson, and apply it to your life. You will soon enough find yourself climbing back up, and you can peer over into the valley, see and recognize its beauty, but live happily at the top of the mountain.
In applying this to my own life, I am realizing that even though life may not be grand right now, it is still pretty wonderful...I have full use of all of my limbs, I am in my right mind, I am not sick, I have food, clothing, and shelter, I am able to learn and be taught, and I can usually find a few things to smile about on any given day. So...being down, when you know what it feels like to be up, acutally isn't so bad, but I cannot wait to get to the mountaintop!
Song of the Day: Hard Knock Life-Jay-Z
Instead of kisses, we get kicked
It's a Hard Knock Life...
TELL ME ABOUT IT!
You ever have a spell where you feel like you are being punished for something, but you cannot for your life figure out just what you could have done so heinous to be subjected such cruel and unusual punishment...
Well I am having one of those spells, and I can tell you in all honesty, while I have not always been a good girl, I have never been the devil's spawn, and that seems like the only reasonable cause for this series of events that I have called my life, over the past few months.
Whatever the case, there is truly value in the valley. Think of life as a series of ups and down...when you are up, you are on Cloud 9, all is well, life's blessings are abundant and you are happy and well. When you are down, sometimes down deep and other times just grazing in the pasture...but whatever the case, things are not going your way. The thing about it is, when you are down, you can only go up and there is a lesson that you can learn from whatever you are going through. Whether it is a lesson in patience, determination, confidence, boundaries, limitation, or fear, whatever it may be...take the time to learn the lesson, to heed the lesson, and apply it to your life. You will soon enough find yourself climbing back up, and you can peer over into the valley, see and recognize its beauty, but live happily at the top of the mountain.
In applying this to my own life, I am realizing that even though life may not be grand right now, it is still pretty wonderful...I have full use of all of my limbs, I am in my right mind, I am not sick, I have food, clothing, and shelter, I am able to learn and be taught, and I can usually find a few things to smile about on any given day. So...being down, when you know what it feels like to be up, acutally isn't so bad, but I cannot wait to get to the mountaintop!
Song of the Day: Hard Knock Life-Jay-Z
Monday, June 21, 2010
Love Is Not Made in Words...
I don't profess to know all there is to know about love...
I am just 33 years old...I have had a few serious boyfriends, and I am currently married, but other than that, I am no expert on the subject. However, one does not have to be an expert to be able to share her opinions.
And let me tell you, I can say with certainty that LOVE IS NOT MADE IN WORDS!
An Ethiopian Proverb says: Coffee and love taste best when hot. And I would have to agree with those wise Ethiopians. Love is an action and a reaction. Love is an emotion and a passion. Love is not about telling someone you love them, it is about showing them. How lukewarm is it to hear "I love you" without a kiss or a hug or a touch. It is a nice thing to hear, don't get me wrong. But words, while powerful, when it comes to love, are never enough.
Women often love with their whole beings...every limb, every blood cell, every sense is involved. We can taste, touch, feel, see, and hear love...it is much like a symphony for our ears or the juicy pop of a blackberry upon our tongues. While I a not a man, it seems, that men love in a mix of emotions and physicality...a desire for you physically teamed with a fragile need to feel needed and wanted by you. No matter how you qualify it, love is a connection, that is only as strong as you make it. When we come together to build a relationship, we must bring with us, all of that passion, that emotion, that intimacy, and through those, show the other person how much you care for them. And when someone who loves you with action speaks his or her love to you, you don't just merely hear it, you feel it.
I am reminded of something someone once told me:
"Men love to eat, they need to eat, they have to eat, but if a man loves you, and it is between you and the biggest, juiciest hamburger after he has not eaten for a week, he will always choose you."
...now that, that is love!
Song of the Day: Love is Not Made in Words by Deborah Cox
I am just 33 years old...I have had a few serious boyfriends, and I am currently married, but other than that, I am no expert on the subject. However, one does not have to be an expert to be able to share her opinions.
And let me tell you, I can say with certainty that LOVE IS NOT MADE IN WORDS!
An Ethiopian Proverb says: Coffee and love taste best when hot. And I would have to agree with those wise Ethiopians. Love is an action and a reaction. Love is an emotion and a passion. Love is not about telling someone you love them, it is about showing them. How lukewarm is it to hear "I love you" without a kiss or a hug or a touch. It is a nice thing to hear, don't get me wrong. But words, while powerful, when it comes to love, are never enough.
Women often love with their whole beings...every limb, every blood cell, every sense is involved. We can taste, touch, feel, see, and hear love...it is much like a symphony for our ears or the juicy pop of a blackberry upon our tongues. While I a not a man, it seems, that men love in a mix of emotions and physicality...a desire for you physically teamed with a fragile need to feel needed and wanted by you. No matter how you qualify it, love is a connection, that is only as strong as you make it. When we come together to build a relationship, we must bring with us, all of that passion, that emotion, that intimacy, and through those, show the other person how much you care for them. And when someone who loves you with action speaks his or her love to you, you don't just merely hear it, you feel it.
I am reminded of something someone once told me:
"Men love to eat, they need to eat, they have to eat, but if a man loves you, and it is between you and the biggest, juiciest hamburger after he has not eaten for a week, he will always choose you."
...now that, that is love!
Song of the Day: Love is Not Made in Words by Deborah Cox
Whose that Girl...
Did you know that your name says alot about who you are...
well my name is karyn...
So what exactly should that tell you about me...
Well, first, my name is spelled with a "y"...y is that one letter that is sometimes a consonant and sometimes a vowel...it doesn't quite fit neatly into a box, it is the one unique and different letter out of the whole lot.
Also, my name, is regular name, but it also has a kind of confidence about it, it just is...no pretenses, no fuss, no l'accent aigu or l'accent grave, no prefix or suffix...its straight up.
My name means "pure" and while many might take that to mean vanilla, or chaste, I take it to mean without filler...I am just who I am...
Lastly, my name has a hard start and a soft finish, much like myself. At first I can be tough, sorta standoffish, and I am not by nature a friendly person...but once you are apart of my life, which is only reserved for those people who bring something unique and necessary into my life, I will love you for life.
Whose that girl...She is me and I am she!
Oh, and don't forget to feed the fish!
well my name is karyn...
So what exactly should that tell you about me...
Well, first, my name is spelled with a "y"...y is that one letter that is sometimes a consonant and sometimes a vowel...it doesn't quite fit neatly into a box, it is the one unique and different letter out of the whole lot.
Also, my name, is regular name, but it also has a kind of confidence about it, it just is...no pretenses, no fuss, no l'accent aigu or l'accent grave, no prefix or suffix...its straight up.
My name means "pure" and while many might take that to mean vanilla, or chaste, I take it to mean without filler...I am just who I am...
Lastly, my name has a hard start and a soft finish, much like myself. At first I can be tough, sorta standoffish, and I am not by nature a friendly person...but once you are apart of my life, which is only reserved for those people who bring something unique and necessary into my life, I will love you for life.
Whose that girl...She is me and I am she!
Oh, and don't forget to feed the fish!
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