Brokenhearted

"Only brokenhearted, life's not over..."

As much as you HATE to hear stuff like this when your heart has just been gouged open with a machete...it is still the truth.

Heartbreak is a part of life. I for one, have had my heart broken many times..more than I care to remember, in fact.  As devastating and gut wrenching an experience it is, the fact is that, your first heartbreak won't seem as bad as your second, and your second as bad as your third.  Heartbreak, is in the moment.  It is worse when you are living in the middle of it...and the farther away from it you get, the easier it becomes to sleep without what seemed to be the requisite tears, to smile again, to feel human again, to realize that your life, is not in fact, over.

I am smack dab in the middle of heartbreak...unfortunately, mine has lasted a bit longer this time than in times past.  I am at the point of heartbreak where my heart is starting to mend itself, although every now and then I hear a crack or two, a reminder of that once intense feeling that someone had punched me in the stomach; that my life, as I had know it, had been one big lie; that I would never love or want to love again; and that I was so alone, I needed my own version of "Wilson" to keep me company.

Although the mountain is extremely high and there are so many landslides along the way, you think you will never be able to rough the terrain, there is life on the other side of heartbreak.  I, for one, have seen glimpses of my life in the future...and while I once thought I would never want to hear the word love...I now know that love is not the reason for my heartbreak.

As hard as it is to see past heartbreak, the one thing that I have learned, that allows me to keep pushing through it is this...being hurt by someone you love is never about love, it is always about fear.
I refuse to let fear, be it my own or someone else's, control any second of my life.  I refuse to allow it to play a part in the decisions I make about my future.  I refuse to give it any power...
So in that spirit, I will allow heartbreak to run its course, but at the end of its run...I will love again.

"Love, for better or worse, I still will choose you first"

Song of the Day: Love by Musiq Soulchild