Last in our bloginar, The #1 Draft Pick...we get to the part where its time to pick our player.
Now, most of us already ahve a pick in mind. We feel like this person is right for us, he is all the things we are looking for, he is our Mr. Right. But alas...a little digging, deeper, and you can discover if you have simply fooled yourself into thinking this man is the man for you, or he has proven himself as the man for you.
1. Training Camp
All players go to training camp before the season starts, and this is where many players who have yet to be picked show their skills. Some get picked up, some don't. Now, your training camp is your dating period. You can and usually will find out 75% of what you need to know at this point. That other 25% is the meat and potatoes...but these things are just as important. Is he a gentleman, does he want to court you or bed you, is he financially stable, does he make plans for your dates, is he thoughtful, how are his basic communication skills, does he do what he says he is going to do? When you see something that strikes you as a problem, you should immediately stop and figure out if this is a deal breaker. Maybe you give him one chance, and you let him know that is not going to be tolerated, if he does it again, chances are he does not care about meeting your expectations and making you feel important to him. This is the discovery period, and many would say it is the most important period...because you get alot of information thrown at you quickly and you have to know what to do with it.
2. Pre-Season
So, you have decided to embark on a relationship with this person...and most of us know that first few months is the trial basis. If things are not working, you may not officially break up, you might just sort of fall off...you stop calling, stop talking, stop going out, seeing each other...You have gotten past dating, and know at least that this person is someone you could consider having a long term relationship with. So now what? Now, it is time to have all of those important discussions that you did not have during the dating period. He has met your kids or you have met his, now is time to discuss your views on discipline, the roles of the children's mothers and fathers, your relationship with the children's mothers and fathers. Or maybe you live in separate places, so now is the time you start talking about possible relocation, or how long you plan to have a relationship from a distance. Start having ALL of those important conversations. Again, the red flags are going to get bigger, so when you see one, take a long hard look and determine what those red flags mean to you, if they are a deal breaker or not. You have to be honest with yourself about what red flags you might be sending up as well...and remember that neither of you are perfect, but that you want someone in your life that you are willing to work through problems with as a team.
3. The Finals
A relationship is a constant growing together...you will never know EVERYTHING about another person. You will have ups and downs and problems. It is how well you get through these problems that matter the most. I skipped to the finals, because what happens inside of your relationship, following all the necessary steps to get to the finals, will determine whether you ever really make it here. I cannot tell you HOW to make it here, only what I have seen, have learned, and believe can take you from Point A, to B, to C...
So what are the finals. Well, each of us has an objective in a relationship, whether that is to find a long term committment, to be married, to start a family, etc. This is the time where you start putting your plan into action to move the relationship from a basic committment to a more defined relationship, if that is what you desire. By your plan, I mean BOTH people's plans. And most people think a plan ENDS when you get the desired result, but it does not. It includes a plan on maintaining that relationship. So, if you have picked your perfect teammate, he is going to work with you to set up a business plan and a life plan...a business plan to handle all of the business parts of a realtionship...finances, children, living, etc. A life plan to determine your day to day living, your emotional, physical, and spiritual needs. If you have picked wrong, he will rely on or defer to you to do all the work...and sit back and reap the benefits of having a hard working, dedicated woman. If you have picked wrong, he won't think this is important, and will just want to "see where things go". If you have picked wrong, he will immediately start retreating from you, because he wanted all the things that came with the long term committment, but he only wanted to go so far with you. If you have picked wrong, your instincts will tell you. It will be up to you to pack up and move on.
And pick better the next time around.
Because the key here, is when you fail to make the #1 Draft Pick...another one will always come along if you are open to it and ready for it!
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Borderline
Every country has a border, the lines you see on a map where one country ends and another one begins...or where the country meets the water...an ocean, a sea, a river, etc.. If you step outside of the United States into Canada, the rules suddenly change...there are new boundaries, new laws, new customs, and new expectations of your behavior.
When you step into my life, its like stepping foot into a new place, no matter where you have been before. I have a set of boundaries, rules, customs, and expectations that have to be met if you want to remain in my life. I have not always set those boundaries and expectations in stone, but they are now like my own personal Mount Rushmore, blasted into the rocks so everyone can see what rules my roost.
I once heard this line: If you fail to let a man know your expectations, he will always fail to meet them.
I have always been one to let people know up front what they are getting when and if they get the pleasure of having me in their life...and if you don't think that you are a pleasure, that's another blog for another time.
Anyhow...I let people know right away...I can be difficult, I like things my way, I am fair, I am passionate, I am dedicated, I am loyal, I am honest...brutally sometimes, I am sure of myself, I have goals and I am determined to meet them, my son comes first in my life, God is at the helm of my life, and I am not gonna take any shit from anyone...ever, period! If that is something you can handle, then we can see where we can go...if not, you should exit at the next stop because nothing is going to change much! In addition, I let people know what my expectations are. You dont get to take up residence in my life and just do as you please, because there are certain rules you are going to have to follow...as I expect you to have the same.
If at any time you fail to meet those expectations, you are gonna be in for a conversation...not an interrogation, but a conversation. If you care about me, and I am being reasonable, it shouldn't be a big deal to work on changing whatever unbecoing behavior you have exhibited, in my eyes. If I am being unreasonable, telling me so, giving me a change to process it, and see the error of my ways, will likely solve the problem. None of us are perfect, I acknowledge that fact.
So recently, I had a situation where I saw some behavior exhibited that bothered me, made me question whether I was actually seeing the situation as it was or as I wanted to see it. I struggled with whether to say something, because I didn't want to make a mountain out of a molehill...but it was genuinely bothering me. I searched my soul to realize that I wasn't holding on to baggage, I wasn't allowing another man's faults to come into play in this situation, I was reacting TOTALLY and COMPLETELY off of what was happening in the instant situation, and I had to speak up, to say...Hey, this bothered me, and I want to know if this is something you plan to do often, because if so, it is going to cause me to question you and your feelings towards me, and I don't want that my life.
A funny thing happened...My honesty and my determination to have my expecatations met and to clear up any unncessary problems was appreciated and I was told that the behavior was simply meaningless, done without much thought, and would not happen again. I had questioned myself over and over about it...and come to the conclusion that speaking up and making sure that people know your boundaries, your rules, your expectations is always the best policy...because if you fail to let them know, they will fail to meet them!
When you step into my life, its like stepping foot into a new place, no matter where you have been before. I have a set of boundaries, rules, customs, and expectations that have to be met if you want to remain in my life. I have not always set those boundaries and expectations in stone, but they are now like my own personal Mount Rushmore, blasted into the rocks so everyone can see what rules my roost.
I once heard this line: If you fail to let a man know your expectations, he will always fail to meet them.
I have always been one to let people know up front what they are getting when and if they get the pleasure of having me in their life...and if you don't think that you are a pleasure, that's another blog for another time.
Anyhow...I let people know right away...I can be difficult, I like things my way, I am fair, I am passionate, I am dedicated, I am loyal, I am honest...brutally sometimes, I am sure of myself, I have goals and I am determined to meet them, my son comes first in my life, God is at the helm of my life, and I am not gonna take any shit from anyone...ever, period! If that is something you can handle, then we can see where we can go...if not, you should exit at the next stop because nothing is going to change much! In addition, I let people know what my expectations are. You dont get to take up residence in my life and just do as you please, because there are certain rules you are going to have to follow...as I expect you to have the same.
If at any time you fail to meet those expectations, you are gonna be in for a conversation...not an interrogation, but a conversation. If you care about me, and I am being reasonable, it shouldn't be a big deal to work on changing whatever unbecoing behavior you have exhibited, in my eyes. If I am being unreasonable, telling me so, giving me a change to process it, and see the error of my ways, will likely solve the problem. None of us are perfect, I acknowledge that fact.
So recently, I had a situation where I saw some behavior exhibited that bothered me, made me question whether I was actually seeing the situation as it was or as I wanted to see it. I struggled with whether to say something, because I didn't want to make a mountain out of a molehill...but it was genuinely bothering me. I searched my soul to realize that I wasn't holding on to baggage, I wasn't allowing another man's faults to come into play in this situation, I was reacting TOTALLY and COMPLETELY off of what was happening in the instant situation, and I had to speak up, to say...Hey, this bothered me, and I want to know if this is something you plan to do often, because if so, it is going to cause me to question you and your feelings towards me, and I don't want that my life.
A funny thing happened...My honesty and my determination to have my expecatations met and to clear up any unncessary problems was appreciated and I was told that the behavior was simply meaningless, done without much thought, and would not happen again. I had questioned myself over and over about it...and come to the conclusion that speaking up and making sure that people know your boundaries, your rules, your expectations is always the best policy...because if you fail to let them know, they will fail to meet them!
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