"Life can be only what you make it..."
Most people are fine mediocrity...they think that as long as they are just getting by, that is better than failing. I don't personally agree. Failure is always a better option that mediocrity...because there is a lesson in failure...there is a another shot after you fail. When you are okay with being mediocre, you are stuck in the middle, neither good nor bad, prince nor pauper...and more importantly you are just stuck.
The time is now to reject mediocrity, at least for me. I am not sure that I ever accepted it, but I have found myself there in different aspects of my life, many times. I refuse to be stuck ever again...professionally, personally, emotionally or mentally, physically or spiritually...I am seeking the win...and you don't contribute to the win when you are stuck on the bench the whole game.
Now, it is not as simple as making a decision, although that is the first step. The real key to becoming free to be at your best is by accepting no bullshit, from yourself or others; dealing only in positives and negatives with no in betweens; and opening yourself up to all the wonders of life.
NO BULLSHIT
Don't let anyone tell you the sky is purple when you know its blue. We spend much of our lives listening to other people, allowing their thoughts about us, their opinions, their words, and their fucked up non-facts rule our actions and thoughts. It's fine to seek counsel, but then take those words, evaluate their meaning, their importance, and their relevance, put them in their proper place, and discard them. Dont walk around holding on to other people's thoughts and ideas...because most often, they are laced with poor judgment, dishonesty, disrespect, and yes...bullshit. Do your own research, come to your own conclusions, and make decisions based on your own wants and needs, using counsel only as a frame of reference.
+ and -
We spend alot of time explaining away our aversion to things. We see its bad, but we add a little bit of this a little bit of that, and soon it becomes more easy to digest. NO...stop that. If it is bad, its bad...if it is good, its good...it doesn't need a pinch of salt or a dash of pepper for it to be okay just the way it is...if it is good. Now if its bad, the salt will make it send u into sodium shock and the pepper will have u sneezing. So, look at things as they are, without the filler and the additives.
BEING OPEN
The key to being your absolute best, is being open to all the fantastic opportunities the world has to offer. You have to break out of your comfort zone to ever see any real wonders or miracles happen. We limit ourselves in our experiences, in our thoughts, in our emotions, and in our hearts...so that we think we dont deserve certain things, we aren't good enough, or that perhaps we are too good. The truth is that the world works much better with us going around exploring it...finding its and our true treasures.
So take a word from the trying to get wise...live your best life...it is the only life worth having!
Song of the Day" My Life by Mary J. Blige
Monday, July 26, 2010
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
Talk to Me
" Your ears should be burning ..."
Women and men communicate differently...it is one of the hard realities of relationships that cause us to have the most friction.
Men are simple. Women are complex.
It is not that men are simple minded or women are difficult...it is at its heart the result of the different ways that we are taught to deal with our emotions, problems, our feelings, etc.
Men are taught to suck it up, be logical and as free from emotion as possible, to get to the result, to push their feelings aside and deal with reality.
Women are taught to cry it out, to let their hearts rule, to be more process driven, to talk about their feelings and to use them when making decisions.
As a result, women are the 2 +2 and men are the 4.
How do we work through these differences in order to have a successful relationship with one another.
Well, I cannot say this is THE answer, but it is the only solution I have come up with thus far.
Getting a man to understand my every in and out would be similar to a sane person trying to understand a serial killer...it is not meant for and sort of impossible for that to happen, unless they both are insane. The same is true with men and women. Women will never understand why men are so simple, and men will never understand all the complexities of a woman. The truth of the matter is...we need to learn to accept what is, love each other, and work through our differences when we come to them, at a middle ground.
A woman wants a man to know when...a man wants to tell a woman when...but neither approach works with the other.
Instead of using the approach that works with YOU, try the approach that works with the person you need something from...and keep in mind that while these are generalizations, there are varying degrees of this from person to person. With me, tell me what you want or need and I will do the same. We can suspend the conversation until after the want or need is met, because we will both be in a better place. For some women, that won't work...so you have to know your mate. If your woman is typcially emotional, get to know her well, so that you can almost sense her wants. If she gets sad and needs to be held, try to get to know what sadness looks like on her. If she gets angry and wants you to get out of the way so she can clean, figure out what angry looks like on her. If she is like me...a little more realistic and a little less emotional...you may be able to get away with being more direct with her.
For women, if you have that man's man, come at him in a way he can understand, straight up no chaser. You need help with the kids, time to yourself, whatever...let him know. Suspend your emotion, don't come at him crying and weepy, just talk to him, he will usually concur, because you have communicated with him in a way that makes sense to him. If your man is a little more emotional, you might be able to be a little less direct...but in my experience, the more direct you are with a man, the better his understanding and more likely your needs or wants will be met.
Communication is key to any healthy relationship. Before you embark on a serious relationship with someone, it is key that you discuss your mode of communication, how you tend to deal with things, and what you can and cannot tolerate, so each of you will be on the same page. Realize that men and women are different, but ultimately we all want to be secure in our relationships, which means knowing that our needs and wants are going to be met.
Song of the Day: House of Cards by Radiohead
Women and men communicate differently...it is one of the hard realities of relationships that cause us to have the most friction.
Men are simple. Women are complex.
It is not that men are simple minded or women are difficult...it is at its heart the result of the different ways that we are taught to deal with our emotions, problems, our feelings, etc.
Men are taught to suck it up, be logical and as free from emotion as possible, to get to the result, to push their feelings aside and deal with reality.
Women are taught to cry it out, to let their hearts rule, to be more process driven, to talk about their feelings and to use them when making decisions.
As a result, women are the 2 +2 and men are the 4.
How do we work through these differences in order to have a successful relationship with one another.
Well, I cannot say this is THE answer, but it is the only solution I have come up with thus far.
Getting a man to understand my every in and out would be similar to a sane person trying to understand a serial killer...it is not meant for and sort of impossible for that to happen, unless they both are insane. The same is true with men and women. Women will never understand why men are so simple, and men will never understand all the complexities of a woman. The truth of the matter is...we need to learn to accept what is, love each other, and work through our differences when we come to them, at a middle ground.
A woman wants a man to know when...a man wants to tell a woman when...but neither approach works with the other.
Instead of using the approach that works with YOU, try the approach that works with the person you need something from...and keep in mind that while these are generalizations, there are varying degrees of this from person to person. With me, tell me what you want or need and I will do the same. We can suspend the conversation until after the want or need is met, because we will both be in a better place. For some women, that won't work...so you have to know your mate. If your woman is typcially emotional, get to know her well, so that you can almost sense her wants. If she gets sad and needs to be held, try to get to know what sadness looks like on her. If she gets angry and wants you to get out of the way so she can clean, figure out what angry looks like on her. If she is like me...a little more realistic and a little less emotional...you may be able to get away with being more direct with her.
For women, if you have that man's man, come at him in a way he can understand, straight up no chaser. You need help with the kids, time to yourself, whatever...let him know. Suspend your emotion, don't come at him crying and weepy, just talk to him, he will usually concur, because you have communicated with him in a way that makes sense to him. If your man is a little more emotional, you might be able to be a little less direct...but in my experience, the more direct you are with a man, the better his understanding and more likely your needs or wants will be met.
Communication is key to any healthy relationship. Before you embark on a serious relationship with someone, it is key that you discuss your mode of communication, how you tend to deal with things, and what you can and cannot tolerate, so each of you will be on the same page. Realize that men and women are different, but ultimately we all want to be secure in our relationships, which means knowing that our needs and wants are going to be met.
Song of the Day: House of Cards by Radiohead
Friday, July 16, 2010
Encore
"My latest,my greatest inspiration...take me higher"
Inspiration came to me yesterday.
He showed me my life, a few years from now, how it could be.
He opened up my heart to the possibility of the same greatness he possesses.
He told me that I added to his potential, that by being an inspiration, I gave him more power.
He took my hand and showed me my success, if I only harnessed all my talents, honored them, and rode those bad boys til the wheels fell off!
I decided in that moment, to listen.
I do alot of coaching, helping, assisting...but this time, if only for a moment, I was being mentored.
I thought about my talents...the ones I use daily and those that have sort of sat idly waiting to be used.
I thought about time, and how it waits for no one...that while I was sitting by not using those talents, they were being wasted and dishonored!
So yesterday, was the first day of the rest of my life.
My life is about to change dramatically...in ways that I had only ever dreamed of before.
And they say...life is but a dream!
DREAM BIG!
Song of the Day:
Inspiration came to me yesterday.
He showed me my life, a few years from now, how it could be.
He opened up my heart to the possibility of the same greatness he possesses.
He told me that I added to his potential, that by being an inspiration, I gave him more power.
He took my hand and showed me my success, if I only harnessed all my talents, honored them, and rode those bad boys til the wheels fell off!
I decided in that moment, to listen.
I do alot of coaching, helping, assisting...but this time, if only for a moment, I was being mentored.
I thought about my talents...the ones I use daily and those that have sort of sat idly waiting to be used.
I thought about time, and how it waits for no one...that while I was sitting by not using those talents, they were being wasted and dishonored!
So yesterday, was the first day of the rest of my life.
My life is about to change dramatically...in ways that I had only ever dreamed of before.
And they say...life is but a dream!
DREAM BIG!
Song of the Day:
Thursday, July 15, 2010
This is It
I have never been one of those people who invites people into my life easily. I like and enjoy people socially, but inviting them into my life on a personal level is a whole other monster, one whose tracks I rarely follow. So, for me, friendship, the stepping stone to any relationship, is a serious matter...it is about fun and lightness, support and comfort, confidences and truth, and add in a few cocktails and great songs to dance to...and you have yourself a party!!!!
I have had many an ordeal in my life...fighting death, moving across country, man after man after man after man problems, law school, confrontations, family issues...you name it! Friends are those people who celebrate your victories and dry your tears during your failures. So, when one of my friends is celebrating a victory or mourning a loss, I want to be there for them because they are like family to me, I care for them just as much, if not more, than I do some of my actual family.
So when you realize you really don't care anymore...?
I wear my heart on my sleeve and my attitude on my face. It is not hard to read me, I tend to not hide it well. I have alot going on in my life at this moment, and I really don't need it complicated, especially by somoeone who does not seem to really care too much about anyone or anything but themselves. My mother always says that people can say or do whatever they want, with the understanding that the person to whome their words or actions are directed is going to have a reaction...it might be walking away, it might be socking you dead in your eye, it might be hugging you, it might be putting one through your temple...you never know! For every action, in other words, there is a reaction...maybe equal maybe not. You can say whatever you feel...you can do whatever you want. At the end of your turn, I get a turn.
So, when I have resolved my hurt feelings and my "fuck you" attitude, at the end of all of that, I am left with just one simple question...continue or end. And at this point in my life...as someone I love dearly has so eloquently and realistically written...all dead shit must end.
I don't think I could ever have the same fun with you; there is a thick smog in the air that has ruined the lightness; I get more support from a training bra; smog makes it really uncomfortable to breathe; I am no more confident in my ability to be your friend than I am in my ability to be honest with you without fallout...and while I plan to have many cocktails, I probably should refrain around you for fear the truth serum will really make me tell u what I am feeling, and the party...the party always goes on!
And you are correct my dear friend...all dead shit must end. Mourn it, bury it, and move on.
"Ya'll should grow the fuck up, come here lemme coach you"
Song of the Day: On to the Next One-Jay-Z
I have had many an ordeal in my life...fighting death, moving across country, man after man after man after man problems, law school, confrontations, family issues...you name it! Friends are those people who celebrate your victories and dry your tears during your failures. So, when one of my friends is celebrating a victory or mourning a loss, I want to be there for them because they are like family to me, I care for them just as much, if not more, than I do some of my actual family.
So when you realize you really don't care anymore...?
I wear my heart on my sleeve and my attitude on my face. It is not hard to read me, I tend to not hide it well. I have alot going on in my life at this moment, and I really don't need it complicated, especially by somoeone who does not seem to really care too much about anyone or anything but themselves. My mother always says that people can say or do whatever they want, with the understanding that the person to whome their words or actions are directed is going to have a reaction...it might be walking away, it might be socking you dead in your eye, it might be hugging you, it might be putting one through your temple...you never know! For every action, in other words, there is a reaction...maybe equal maybe not. You can say whatever you feel...you can do whatever you want. At the end of your turn, I get a turn.
So, when I have resolved my hurt feelings and my "fuck you" attitude, at the end of all of that, I am left with just one simple question...continue or end. And at this point in my life...as someone I love dearly has so eloquently and realistically written...all dead shit must end.
I don't think I could ever have the same fun with you; there is a thick smog in the air that has ruined the lightness; I get more support from a training bra; smog makes it really uncomfortable to breathe; I am no more confident in my ability to be your friend than I am in my ability to be honest with you without fallout...and while I plan to have many cocktails, I probably should refrain around you for fear the truth serum will really make me tell u what I am feeling, and the party...the party always goes on!
And you are correct my dear friend...all dead shit must end. Mourn it, bury it, and move on.
"Ya'll should grow the fuck up, come here lemme coach you"
Song of the Day: On to the Next One-Jay-Z
You Got Me
Most people would say I have a pretty modern and non-traditionalist take on life. I tend to like to rebel against the status quo. I don't like traditions, I prefer to make every thing I do, my own. However, there is one small area, that happens to be a big part of most of our lives, where my views are atypical to that which I would normally subscribe.
The Roles of Men and Women
I had a conversation recently with someone, and I was telling him that I believe that while women set the stage for whether a man has a chance with her, it is ultimately up to that man to choose her, to pick her for himself. Sounds a little archaic huh...well, lemme explain.
I used to think this kind of thing was ridiculous...that women were nurturers and caregivers and men were hunters, gatherers, and providers. I thought that women and men could and should be all of those things interchangeably depending on the need in the family...and I still do believe that. HOWEVER, I think that generally, we are going to take on one of these sets of roles more than the other. So, in my opinion, God has set a foundation for what He knows to be the best situation for a man and woman to create a stable family for a lifetime. Biologically, men are hunters and gatherers. Men tend to be stronger, bigger, more logical, , competitive, and task-oriented. Women tend to be better with communicating, emotion, are physically weaker but more flexible, better team players, and results oriented. Within a family, both perceptions are needed in decision making...but before you even get to the family, the simple act of picking a mate must take place. That, I believe...should be left up the man.
Now, I am not saying women should sit idly by and wait on a man to pick them...you have to make yourself attractive, interesting, and available to the type of men you want to be with. Once you set your sights on him, because you may actually notice him before he notices you, you have to be willing to put yourself into the spotlight just a tad, to make an impression. If you make the right impression, and if that man is right for you, he will take notice. As long as you keep each other interested, when the time comes to decide if you all should take your casual relationship further into a more serious one...I think that you should be chosen...
The thrill of the hunt is in the chase...and if you are only doing a small jog, it will be an easy conquest...keep going on with your life, live, have fun, make him a part of your life, but not your entire life...and keep running...he will catch you if he wants you...and if he wants to keep you, he will choose you to be with him, because all of this is about timing...you miss out on your chance, you may never get the chance again.
Now, I a am a pretty tough cookie...so it is going to take someone strong and convicted in what he wants to win me over enough for me to even make myself available to him...but once that is done, I am pretty much ripe for the picking. You have to pick strong and sure though. I don't want to have to assure you, or make you believe I am the right pick. I will do my part to show you what I have to offer if I believe we will make a good match, after that, the choice is yours....
"You can get with this, or you can get with that...but this is where it's at"
Song of the Day: You Got Me by the Roots and Erykah Badu
The Roles of Men and Women
I had a conversation recently with someone, and I was telling him that I believe that while women set the stage for whether a man has a chance with her, it is ultimately up to that man to choose her, to pick her for himself. Sounds a little archaic huh...well, lemme explain.
I used to think this kind of thing was ridiculous...that women were nurturers and caregivers and men were hunters, gatherers, and providers. I thought that women and men could and should be all of those things interchangeably depending on the need in the family...and I still do believe that. HOWEVER, I think that generally, we are going to take on one of these sets of roles more than the other. So, in my opinion, God has set a foundation for what He knows to be the best situation for a man and woman to create a stable family for a lifetime. Biologically, men are hunters and gatherers. Men tend to be stronger, bigger, more logical, , competitive, and task-oriented. Women tend to be better with communicating, emotion, are physically weaker but more flexible, better team players, and results oriented. Within a family, both perceptions are needed in decision making...but before you even get to the family, the simple act of picking a mate must take place. That, I believe...should be left up the man.
Now, I am not saying women should sit idly by and wait on a man to pick them...you have to make yourself attractive, interesting, and available to the type of men you want to be with. Once you set your sights on him, because you may actually notice him before he notices you, you have to be willing to put yourself into the spotlight just a tad, to make an impression. If you make the right impression, and if that man is right for you, he will take notice. As long as you keep each other interested, when the time comes to decide if you all should take your casual relationship further into a more serious one...I think that you should be chosen...
The thrill of the hunt is in the chase...and if you are only doing a small jog, it will be an easy conquest...keep going on with your life, live, have fun, make him a part of your life, but not your entire life...and keep running...he will catch you if he wants you...and if he wants to keep you, he will choose you to be with him, because all of this is about timing...you miss out on your chance, you may never get the chance again.
Now, I a am a pretty tough cookie...so it is going to take someone strong and convicted in what he wants to win me over enough for me to even make myself available to him...but once that is done, I am pretty much ripe for the picking. You have to pick strong and sure though. I don't want to have to assure you, or make you believe I am the right pick. I will do my part to show you what I have to offer if I believe we will make a good match, after that, the choice is yours....
"You can get with this, or you can get with that...but this is where it's at"
Song of the Day: You Got Me by the Roots and Erykah Badu
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
When the Money Goes
" When the money goes, will the honey stay, will the gray clouds replace the sunny days?"
I could beat around the bush, but it is typically not my style.
So, in a nutshell, the answer to the above question, is yes.
Love is an emotion and an action, it is about being shown you are loved, being told, and being secure in that. It is a wonderful feeling that can be tainted by bad behaviour and unfortunate circumstances.
Love is definitely affected by the outside world, as you cannot love someone in a box.
Love is affected by faithfulness, affection, attention, communication, trust...I could go on... but it is extremely rooted in stability...
Men tend to want the stablility of not being left, of a woman standing beside him through anything life throws their way. Women tend to want the stability of being cared for and protected. Such different expectations of a relationship, often lead to different expectations in those roots of love. And when a man goes from being a provider to a boarder...it changes things.
Money is a commodity, it is a bartering tool. The more money you have, the more power you have in the world of goods and services. We need some of these goods and services to live...food, water, shelther, clothes...and some of those goods and services are expendable, but maintain a level of comfort, luxury, or stability. For example, if monthly you pay to get your lawn manicured, go to the spa, for a fitness membership, a maid every two weeks, and a babysitter on your monthly date night...and suddenly you don't have the means to do those things, it is going to put a small stress on your relationship. Expand that to not being able to pay the utilities, bigger strain...the mortgage, even bigger...food, a nightmare. Will the love still be good, probably not. A man that is unable, at his most meager, to help keep a roof over my head and food in the refrigerator is not adding, but subtracting from my life. What love has he earned? What honey would stay?
I would never simply leave someone because he has fallen on bad times, as I would not want anyone to treat me the same. However, it is one thing to be having a bad moment, and another to be displaying a lack of motivation and a basic understanding of necessities. As wonderful as love is, it is does pay for anything, it cannot be given to the gas man when he comes to turn off the meter, as a promissory note.
Make sure you find yourself, a hustler...not in the street sense of the term, but a man who is going to provide, no matter what...if he has to sell lemons on the side of the street, put up a tent and draw pictures at the local fair, or stick out a little leg (I am kidding)...he is going to make sure that you are taken care of, and that the honey stays.
Song of the Day: Upgrade You by Beyonce
I could beat around the bush, but it is typically not my style.
So, in a nutshell, the answer to the above question, is yes.
Love is an emotion and an action, it is about being shown you are loved, being told, and being secure in that. It is a wonderful feeling that can be tainted by bad behaviour and unfortunate circumstances.
Love is definitely affected by the outside world, as you cannot love someone in a box.
Love is affected by faithfulness, affection, attention, communication, trust...I could go on... but it is extremely rooted in stability...
Men tend to want the stablility of not being left, of a woman standing beside him through anything life throws their way. Women tend to want the stability of being cared for and protected. Such different expectations of a relationship, often lead to different expectations in those roots of love. And when a man goes from being a provider to a boarder...it changes things.
Money is a commodity, it is a bartering tool. The more money you have, the more power you have in the world of goods and services. We need some of these goods and services to live...food, water, shelther, clothes...and some of those goods and services are expendable, but maintain a level of comfort, luxury, or stability. For example, if monthly you pay to get your lawn manicured, go to the spa, for a fitness membership, a maid every two weeks, and a babysitter on your monthly date night...and suddenly you don't have the means to do those things, it is going to put a small stress on your relationship. Expand that to not being able to pay the utilities, bigger strain...the mortgage, even bigger...food, a nightmare. Will the love still be good, probably not. A man that is unable, at his most meager, to help keep a roof over my head and food in the refrigerator is not adding, but subtracting from my life. What love has he earned? What honey would stay?
I would never simply leave someone because he has fallen on bad times, as I would not want anyone to treat me the same. However, it is one thing to be having a bad moment, and another to be displaying a lack of motivation and a basic understanding of necessities. As wonderful as love is, it is does pay for anything, it cannot be given to the gas man when he comes to turn off the meter, as a promissory note.
Make sure you find yourself, a hustler...not in the street sense of the term, but a man who is going to provide, no matter what...if he has to sell lemons on the side of the street, put up a tent and draw pictures at the local fair, or stick out a little leg (I am kidding)...he is going to make sure that you are taken care of, and that the honey stays.
Song of the Day: Upgrade You by Beyonce
Saturday, July 10, 2010
If Only You Knew
"My deepest inner feelings, my heart and soul"
If only you knew me, you would know I am....loyal!
If I care about you or love you, there are no limits. I am dedicated to you 100% and I would give my right arm for your health and happiness.
If you only knew me, you would know I am...sensitive!
I don't come across as sensitive, but I am. My feelings can get hurt fairly easily and I am a sucka for you if I like you.
If you only knew me, you would know I am...passionate.
I am an all or nothing kind of girl...I either give it my all or my nothing. I tend to eat, sleep, and breathe the things that mean alot to me, and I give everything I do and extreme level of intensity.
If you only knew me, you would know that I am...a pessimist.
I have always been a glass half empty person. I can certainly see the good in things and want the best in every situation, however, I tend to be able to see the bad much more easily...it sticks out like a sore thumb to me, and I can call it out every time. I don't seem to have that same insight into the good. Wish I did...
If you only know me, you would know that I ...have insecurities.
A friend of mine once told me...You have always been very confident, always knew that you could have whatever you wanted. I didn't really see myself in that light though. I am confident, to an extent. Mostly in my mental abilities...I know that I am intelligent and creative. I also know that I am very insecure about many other things, most of which most people would never know about, because I keep those hidden. I am insecure less often about how I look, which seems to be what most women are concerned about, and much more insecure about my own choices, my desires, my wants. I struggle with whether the things that I see for myself are actually my own true desires or ones I have thrust upon myself because I believe it is what I SHOULD be doing. I struggle with decisions that will affect other people, and whether I am correct in making a decision for my own needs that will affect other people in a negative way. I struggle with impatience, wanting things in that moment, and not having the peace and calm to accept them as they come. I struggle with building a future for myself that is about doing what I want to do and living the life I want to lead, and not being led by a desire for possessions and objects but for purpose!
If I only knew you, what would I find out??
Song of the Day: All That I Am by Joe
If only you knew me, you would know I am....loyal!
If I care about you or love you, there are no limits. I am dedicated to you 100% and I would give my right arm for your health and happiness.
If you only knew me, you would know I am...sensitive!
I don't come across as sensitive, but I am. My feelings can get hurt fairly easily and I am a sucka for you if I like you.
If you only knew me, you would know I am...passionate.
I am an all or nothing kind of girl...I either give it my all or my nothing. I tend to eat, sleep, and breathe the things that mean alot to me, and I give everything I do and extreme level of intensity.
If you only knew me, you would know that I am...a pessimist.
I have always been a glass half empty person. I can certainly see the good in things and want the best in every situation, however, I tend to be able to see the bad much more easily...it sticks out like a sore thumb to me, and I can call it out every time. I don't seem to have that same insight into the good. Wish I did...
If you only know me, you would know that I ...have insecurities.
A friend of mine once told me...You have always been very confident, always knew that you could have whatever you wanted. I didn't really see myself in that light though. I am confident, to an extent. Mostly in my mental abilities...I know that I am intelligent and creative. I also know that I am very insecure about many other things, most of which most people would never know about, because I keep those hidden. I am insecure less often about how I look, which seems to be what most women are concerned about, and much more insecure about my own choices, my desires, my wants. I struggle with whether the things that I see for myself are actually my own true desires or ones I have thrust upon myself because I believe it is what I SHOULD be doing. I struggle with decisions that will affect other people, and whether I am correct in making a decision for my own needs that will affect other people in a negative way. I struggle with impatience, wanting things in that moment, and not having the peace and calm to accept them as they come. I struggle with building a future for myself that is about doing what I want to do and living the life I want to lead, and not being led by a desire for possessions and objects but for purpose!
If I only knew you, what would I find out??
Song of the Day: All That I Am by Joe
Friday, July 9, 2010
One More Chance
"If I stumble if I fall, just help me back."
We all make mistakes. Some of our mistakes are forgivable, and some...well...heinous crimes!
For every action there is a reaction, that you cannot control, and once you make a mistake, the next move is on the other player. So, what happens when you are on the giving or the receiving end of that mistake, and you want another chance...
How many times has she said something hurtful? How many times did he say he would call and did not? Or what about the time she just never showed up, or he forgot your birthday?
In your heart, you want to forgive, but your head is telling you that someone who cares for you just would not do certain things. And both your head and your heart are correct. Forgiveness is important, much more important for you than for them. However, forgiving someone and allowing or accepting the behavior are not one in the same. Your head is telling you to make sure they understand that this behavior is not going to be tolerated...or, if this is say, their tenth time doing the same shit over and over, then your head is telling you to stop, look and listen before you get run over by the run away train called Jerk.
Whatever the case, it is key, to take stock of your expectations and your wants, and decide if it is a mistake that can simply be solved by an apology, or if this time, you are going to need some time to make sure they don't think you are a pushover!
Likewise, just as you have been on the receiving end, you have given your fair share too. I know I have.
When you are the one giving your mate the flux, you have to own up to it, apologize, and assure them that you are not going to continue the same foolish crap. It is not that easy though. The real test, is honoring your word. If you make the assurance, stick to it. Learn from the way your partner felt, and if you don't want to find yourself partner LESS it might be a good idea to decide to never, purposely, make them feel that way again. If you continue to do the same stupid stuff over and over, you are purposely hurting them...so stop making those same mistakes. Also important: Take stock of those things that you do, like a laundry list, and discard those negative behaviors from your repertoire. When you see yourself moving towards to acting in those less than desirable ways, punish yourself before you even start. Could be as simple as making yourself work out a few extra minutes, or it could be one extra date when instead of going dutch, you have to pay. Bet you will start rethinking those silly mistakes then...when it hits you in the pockets.
Whatever the case, remember that we all are human and subject to a faux pas every now and then!!!
Song of the Day: One More Night by Phil Collins
We all make mistakes. Some of our mistakes are forgivable, and some...well...heinous crimes!
For every action there is a reaction, that you cannot control, and once you make a mistake, the next move is on the other player. So, what happens when you are on the giving or the receiving end of that mistake, and you want another chance...
How many times has she said something hurtful? How many times did he say he would call and did not? Or what about the time she just never showed up, or he forgot your birthday?
In your heart, you want to forgive, but your head is telling you that someone who cares for you just would not do certain things. And both your head and your heart are correct. Forgiveness is important, much more important for you than for them. However, forgiving someone and allowing or accepting the behavior are not one in the same. Your head is telling you to make sure they understand that this behavior is not going to be tolerated...or, if this is say, their tenth time doing the same shit over and over, then your head is telling you to stop, look and listen before you get run over by the run away train called Jerk.
Whatever the case, it is key, to take stock of your expectations and your wants, and decide if it is a mistake that can simply be solved by an apology, or if this time, you are going to need some time to make sure they don't think you are a pushover!
Likewise, just as you have been on the receiving end, you have given your fair share too. I know I have.
When you are the one giving your mate the flux, you have to own up to it, apologize, and assure them that you are not going to continue the same foolish crap. It is not that easy though. The real test, is honoring your word. If you make the assurance, stick to it. Learn from the way your partner felt, and if you don't want to find yourself partner LESS it might be a good idea to decide to never, purposely, make them feel that way again. If you continue to do the same stupid stuff over and over, you are purposely hurting them...so stop making those same mistakes. Also important: Take stock of those things that you do, like a laundry list, and discard those negative behaviors from your repertoire. When you see yourself moving towards to acting in those less than desirable ways, punish yourself before you even start. Could be as simple as making yourself work out a few extra minutes, or it could be one extra date when instead of going dutch, you have to pay. Bet you will start rethinking those silly mistakes then...when it hits you in the pockets.
Whatever the case, remember that we all are human and subject to a faux pas every now and then!!!
Song of the Day: One More Night by Phil Collins
Thursday, July 8, 2010
Karma
"What goes around, comes all the way back around"
Everyday, each and everyday, I witness people doing some of the dumbest and most spiteful shit, and I don't think they ever stop to realize that that which they put out into the world is going to come back and hit them in the face with triple the force. If we all took a time out before we do things, and contemplate the consequences, I believe wholeheartedly that we would get along better, and although I hate cliches...the world would indeed be a better place!
Think of the friend who has been purely self-centered and off putting, who now needs you, but is unable to communicate with you because of his or her discomfort with both you, for being less than a friend, and the situation, for allowing it to happen and continue...whatever that situation might be. Never in a million years did that person expect for things to be strained with you, but at the same time, he should have. You have to be the kind of friend you want to have, I say that all the time. My friendships mean the world to me...and I do everything I can to maintain them and keep them. People who allow their friendships to wither, and want to come back and feed and nourish them once the season has come and gone, find themselves in a lonely place. But karma, is truly a bitch.
Think of the co-worker who has spread nasty gossip around the building, telling lies and mistruths about someone...only to have it come back that none of it is actually true. That person has tainted another's reputation and credibility, only to now be the subject of that same ridicule. What goes around comes back around, and when you spew shit and venom...you end up smelly and poisoned. Again, karma truly is a bitch.
So think about the things you say and do, and remember that in the end, when you are kind and treat people well...no matter how they treat you, you always win.
Song of the Day: Power by Kanye West
Everyday, each and everyday, I witness people doing some of the dumbest and most spiteful shit, and I don't think they ever stop to realize that that which they put out into the world is going to come back and hit them in the face with triple the force. If we all took a time out before we do things, and contemplate the consequences, I believe wholeheartedly that we would get along better, and although I hate cliches...the world would indeed be a better place!
Think of the friend who has been purely self-centered and off putting, who now needs you, but is unable to communicate with you because of his or her discomfort with both you, for being less than a friend, and the situation, for allowing it to happen and continue...whatever that situation might be. Never in a million years did that person expect for things to be strained with you, but at the same time, he should have. You have to be the kind of friend you want to have, I say that all the time. My friendships mean the world to me...and I do everything I can to maintain them and keep them. People who allow their friendships to wither, and want to come back and feed and nourish them once the season has come and gone, find themselves in a lonely place. But karma, is truly a bitch.
Think of the co-worker who has spread nasty gossip around the building, telling lies and mistruths about someone...only to have it come back that none of it is actually true. That person has tainted another's reputation and credibility, only to now be the subject of that same ridicule. What goes around comes back around, and when you spew shit and venom...you end up smelly and poisoned. Again, karma truly is a bitch.
So think about the things you say and do, and remember that in the end, when you are kind and treat people well...no matter how they treat you, you always win.
Song of the Day: Power by Kanye West
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