Talk to Me

" Your ears should be burning ..."

Women and men communicate differently...it is one of the hard realities of relationships that cause us to have the most friction. 
Men are simple.  Women are complex. 
It is not that men are simple minded or women are difficult...it is at its heart the result of the different ways that we are taught to deal with our emotions, problems, our feelings, etc. 
Men are taught to suck it up, be logical and as free from emotion as possible, to get to the result, to push their feelings aside and deal with reality. 
Women are taught to cry it out, to let their hearts rule, to be more process driven, to talk about their feelings and to use them when making decisions. 
As a result, women are the 2 +2 and men are the 4. 

How do we work through these differences in order to have a successful relationship with one another. 
Well, I cannot say this is THE answer, but it is the only solution I have come up with thus far.
Getting a man to understand my every in and out would be similar to a sane person trying to understand a serial killer...it is not meant for and sort of impossible for that to happen, unless they both are insane.  The same is true with men and women.  Women will never understand why men are so simple, and men will never understand all the complexities of a woman.  The truth of the matter is...we need to learn to accept what is, love each other, and work through our differences when we come to them, at a middle ground. 
A woman wants a man to know when...a man wants to tell a woman when...but neither approach works with the other. 
Instead of using the approach that works with YOU, try the approach that works with the person you need something from...and keep in mind that while these are generalizations, there are varying degrees of this from person to person.  With me, tell me what you want or need and I will do the same.  We can suspend the conversation until after the want or need is met, because we will both be in a better place.  For some women, that won't work...so you have to know your mate.  If your woman is typcially emotional, get to know her well, so that you can almost sense her wants.  If she gets sad and needs to be held, try to get to know what sadness looks like on her.  If she gets angry and wants you to get out of the way so she can clean, figure out what angry looks like on her.  If she is like me...a little more realistic and a little less emotional...you may be able to get away with being more direct with her. 
For women, if you have that man's man, come at him in a way he can understand, straight up no chaser.  You need help with the kids, time to yourself, whatever...let him know.  Suspend your emotion, don't come at him crying and weepy, just talk to him, he will usually concur, because you have communicated with him in a way that makes sense to him.  If your man is a little more emotional, you might be able to be a little less direct...but in my experience, the more direct you are with a man, the better his understanding and more likely your needs or wants will be met. 
Communication is key to any healthy relationship.  Before you embark on a serious relationship with someone, it is key that you discuss your mode of communication, how you tend to deal with things, and what you can and cannot tolerate, so each of you will be on the same page.  Realize that men and women are different, but ultimately we all want to be secure in our relationships, which means knowing that our needs and wants are going to be met. 

Song of the Day:  House of Cards by Radiohead