Great Expectations

"But I've got to know
Body and soul
That you've got no doubt
inside and out
We are whole"
Body and Soul-Anita Baker

We sometimes focus so much on the physical side of relationships, we forget that there are major factors that come into the play that have nothing to do with sex.   When you get caught up in the whirlwind of a sexual relationship, especially when you have been lonely or feeling down, it can elevate you to a level above reality.  The key is to bring yourself down long enough to discuss with someone those key things that make a relationship sustainable outside of and including the physical. 

Someone really smart once told me that there are four areas that he thinks are necessarily to discuss with someone...and he schooled me a little bit.  So let me in turn school you. 

1.  Emotional-For most women, the emotional and the physical go hand in hand.  This is not so often true for men.  Men can compartmentalize sex in a way that women generally cannot.  The way a man feels about you is one thing, his connection with your sexually is another.  They do intersect, but they are not one in the same.  For a man, the key emotional issues is that he feels appreciated and wanted.  It seems to simple to be true, but it is true...ask any man.  For women, we have a laundry list of emotional needs...but if we break those down, they generally consist of  feeling desired, safe, protected, and loved unconditionally.  Not at all very different from what men want.  We all, in general, want to be loved by someone and know that they want us in their lives and are happy we are in their lives.  We make this known through our actions, but learning what each other likes, wants, and needs, and attempting to fill the person's life with those things. 

2.  Mental-Communication is the one thing that ruins most relationships.  It is the lack thereof that causes a breakdown of trust and openness.  When you are in constant dialogue with someone, you are constantly opening yourself up by revealing parts of yourself to them.  You are also providing and getting the feedback you need to start to trust the person.  In addition to communication, another key component of a mental relationship is how well you match up intellectually.  This has nothing to do with your job, your salary, or any matieral issue...but instead, how well you connect on issues that are important to you.  That you both are on the same page concerning the business aspects of your relationship (finances, children, etc.).  You both bring something to the table that is going to help make you a better unit.  And knowledge that if one of you is weak, the other person is strong enough to take over temporarily. 

3.  Spiritual-Now this is not the same as religious.  It does not mean that you both go to church every Sunday, unless that is something you have both discussed is important in your lives.  What is does mean is that you both have some fundamental similarities in terms of your spiritual selves.  You both believe in God, in a higher power, or in something other than yourselves.  You have a similar set of beliefs about the world, your place in it, and how you are guided through the world.  You have to be open to discuss your attitudes about what role religion, if any, plays in your lives and how you will express your spritiual beliefs. 

4.  Physical-Most people get down to the actual behavior before they ever discuss the place this will have in their relationship.  Their expectations, their wants, their ideas, and responsibility.  It is important to discuss these things BEFORE you embark on a physical relationship, because as we all know, this is the one area that can take you from  First Base to a Home Run in a matter of minutes.  It is important to discuss exclusivitiy, committment, trust, and yes, protection, when you are having a sexual relationship with someone.  Talking about these things will actually remove alot of the questions in your mind, and make for a better and less stressful experience with your mate. 

So make a date to sit down and talk...making your wants, needs, and expectations known is only going to give you more time to enjoy each other!