Borderline

Every country has a border, the lines you see on a map where one country ends and another one begins...or where the country meets the water...an ocean, a sea, a river, etc..  If you step outside of the United States into Canada, the rules suddenly change...there are new boundaries, new laws, new customs, and new expectations of your behavior. 

When you step into my life, its like stepping foot into a new place, no matter where you have been before.  I have a set of boundaries, rules, customs, and expectations that have to be met if you want to remain in my life.  I have not always set those boundaries and expectations in stone, but they are now like my own personal Mount Rushmore, blasted into the rocks so everyone can see what rules my roost. 

I once heard this line:  If you fail to let a man know your expectations, he will always fail to meet them. 

I have always been one to let people know up front what they are getting when and if they get the pleasure of having me in their life...and if you don't think that you are a pleasure, that's another blog for another time. 
Anyhow...I let people know right away...I can be difficult, I like things my way, I am fair, I am passionate, I am dedicated, I am loyal, I am honest...brutally sometimes, I am sure of myself, I have goals and I am determined to meet them, my son comes first in my life, God is at the helm of my life, and I am not gonna take any shit from anyone...ever, period!  If that is something you can handle, then we can see where we can go...if not, you should exit at the next stop because nothing is going to change much!  In addition, I let people know what my expectations are.  You dont get to take up residence in my life and just do as you please, because there are certain rules you are going to have to follow...as I expect you to have the same. 

If at any time you fail to meet those expectations, you are gonna be in for a conversation...not an interrogation, but a conversation.  If you care about me, and I am being reasonable, it shouldn't be a big deal to work on changing whatever unbecoing behavior you have exhibited, in my eyes.  If I am being unreasonable, telling me so, giving me a change to process it, and see the error of my ways, will likely solve the problem.  None of us are perfect, I acknowledge that fact. 

So recently, I had a situation where I saw some behavior exhibited that bothered me, made me question whether I was actually seeing the situation as it was or as I wanted to see it.  I struggled with whether to say something, because I didn't want to make a mountain out of a molehill...but it was genuinely bothering me.  I searched my soul to realize that I wasn't holding on to baggage, I wasn't allowing another man's faults to come into play in this situation, I was reacting TOTALLY and COMPLETELY off of what was happening in the instant situation, and I had to speak up, to say...Hey, this bothered me, and I want to know if this is something you plan to do often, because if so, it is going to cause me to question you and your feelings towards me, and I don't want that my life. 

A funny thing happened...My honesty and my determination to have my expecatations met and to clear up any unncessary problems was appreciated and I was told that the behavior was simply meaningless, done without much thought, and would not happen again.  I had questioned myself over and over about it...and come to the conclusion that speaking up and making sure that people know your boundaries, your rules, your expectations is always the best policy...because if you fail to let them know, they will fail to meet them!

The #1 Draft Pick: The Draft

The #1 Draft Pick: The Bloginar
How to make better choices when it comes to finding a lifetime partner, in other words, how to pick better!

Story:
Adrian
Adrian and I go wayyy back.  Adrian is a sweetheart, the kind of person who would do anything for the people she loves.  Adrian wears her heart on her sleeve, and is quick to fall in love with a man who she believes is worth it.  That is just it though, her "worth it" radar is off.  She often gives in to a man well before he has proven his worth, given her a reason to like him, let alone love him.  Adrian is successful and smart and beautiful.  However, she often finds herself back at the drawing board.  She is no fool, so there is no need to rush in.  The draft takes time. 


2. THE DRAFT

 I completely believe that most single women who are ready for a relationship have a skewed idea of what an quality adult man is really like, because they have spent so much time with losers.   
Men are not at the club every weekend, unless they own it.  
Men are not 35 living at home with their parents, they are not walking (except for exercise purposes), and they are not broke.  
Men are not interested in every woman they see.  
Men are not sleeping with every woman they come into contact with.  
Men have expectations, wants, needs, and feelings just like you do...and they are not afraid to show them and communicate them. 

After you get your male radar adjusted, the next step is finding someone who is ELIGIBLE.  Now what makes him eligible depends on the woman and what she is looking for.  Someone eligible to be with a successful, hard-working, loving, caring, attractive, honest, and independent woman should be a successful, hard-working, loving, caring, attractive, honest, and independent man.  Now, that package can come together many different ways, but overall, if that is what you are offering that is what you should be open to.  Eligibility is all about what you have to offer to someone.  If you are eligible for a certain job, you have the necessary skills to do that kind of job.  If you are eligible to be with me, you have to have the necessary skills to be with me.  If I am determined, hard-working, goal-oriented, and want to make a mark on the world...a man who thinks that working at McDonald's the rest of his life as fry boy is a lofty goal is probably not going to have the skills to be with me or understand me.  He will not understand my drive.  He will not quite understand what it takes to meet my professional goals.  By the same token, if I am a romantic, loving, and affectionate person, a man who just wants to have sex, get it over with, and move on to the next thing, is not going to have the skills to meet my wants and needs physically and emotionally.

Some women make a list, other's just know what it is that they need in a man.  Whatever your method, I think it is very important to be clear about your wants and needs.  Hiding them will not EVER get you what you want.  It is not necessarily that an eligible man is going to give you all you want and need, but if he is truly worthy of being in the draft, he will at least want to know your wants and needs.  Remember, he has to do the work of determining if you are eligible for his time and energy as well.  So, he needs to know whether he can provide for you, whether you are someone he would want to put his life on the line to protect, and if he could ever see himself professing his love for you.  So take this time to do the same.  Are you looking for someone to spend you life with, to create a family with?  Does he even have the basics requirements for you to see him in this way?  Is this someone you would spend each day appreciating and showing how much you love him?  Be honest with yourself...don't make excuses for him, don't give him extra points where he has not earned them.  If he hasn't shown you that he has the skills to meet your needs and wants, or at least some of them, he has no real interest in being with you (in coupledom), he only wants to be with you (in the bedroom).  

 If you notice, you will see that the things that make a man eligible may not be readily apparent at first glance.  It may take some time to get to know these things. Most people want to rush into relationships, because they wanna get to the good part.  But the good times will be more plentiful and enjoyable if you only invest more TIME in the process. 

Timing is everything.  It really is.  It determines whether you meet or not.  It determines how often your paths will cross.  It is a measure of quantity...but it is unique in that it is also a measure of quality.  
So, you have been dating a man for two weeks, you really dig him, he is all of the things, on the surface, that you have been looking for.  You decide that you are ready to embark on a relationship with him, and you speed up the dating process and enter into a relationship.  Soon after, you start realizing that he is extremely demanding.  He wants to know where you are each minute.  He wants your hair a certain way, your skirts a  certain length.  He tries to limit your phone calls and gets angry when you talk too long or seem to be ignoring him.  Now, take the same scenario and add another two months to your dating time...and one night at dinner he comments on how another man is looking at your legs because you skirt is too short, or that because your hair is so curly and beautiful you are commanding too many looks and head-turns.  You notice on your next outing, that when your phone rings mid-conversation and you say "Excuse me, this is my mother, I need to take this" he looks at you sternly and asks you, "Must you take that call right now?"  You make this your last date as you have correctly determined that he is controlling and rather crazy.  

Time is nature's safety latch.  It is a cushion, of sorts, allowing you the space and freedom to determine if something should be welcomed into or shunned from your life.  It is a natural guard against harm.  So, when you fight against it, you lose some of these aides in decision-making.  You rob yourself of one of the greatest ways to determine if something is toxic or not.  In the previous set of scenarios, the latter used time to its advantage, and when the young lady realized that this man could potentially mean her harm, maybe not physically, but certainly mentally and emotionally, she was able to retreat becasue she gave herself a cushion of time within which to determine if he was eligible for the draft.  In the former scenario, that young woman didn't allow herself that cushion, rushed through the draft, and right into a harmful relationship.  

Dont' be afraid to take your time.  Many times we feel as though if we don't pounce, we will lose our standing.  Yet, any man worth is weight is going to see the prize in you, if he is interested in you and sees you as a positive influence in his life.  He will not make you nor ask you to rush into anything.  In fact, he will want to be as certain that you are right for him as you are about him.  Fools rush in.  
 
Lastly, the key to any relationship, romantic or otherwise, that most people save for later mistakenly, is COMMUNICATION.  In fact, this will help you figure out if the person is either eligible and worth your time, and if you have put enough time into the pending relationship.  There are some key factors that you need to discuss to determine if someone is draft ready. 

MARRIAGE:  Everyone has some key issues that they want determined before they embark on a relationship.  Those basics usually revolve around one thing, marriage.  People generally either see a relationship as leading to marriage, or do not want to be married.  This is something you need to discuss BEFORE you get into a relationship.  Asking a man his views on marriage is not and should not be taboo or some dangerous conversation you need to wait until the five month mark to have.  Maybe it's not first date discussion material, but once you have discussed basic things about yourself, wants, and needs...this would follow.  If you want to be married, find someone that wants to be married...and you can only do that by talking about it.   This is a very important discusssion, but it should not be feared.  At the least, it will let you know this person is not for you.  At the most, it will open you and him up to many more discussions about the relationship you are preparing to enter. 

RELATIONSHIP ZONES:  There are five distinct zones in a any relationship: emotional, spiritual, physical, mental, and financial.  The physical and the financial tend to be the most controversial, the most important, and the most taboo.  However, we make them that way.  The fact is, all of these are of equal importance, and should be discussed at length, to determine your boundaries, your expectations, and your feelings surrounding each.  I don't mean you sit down and discuss emotions...but for instance, you can talk about how you are going to handle disagreements.  Spiritually, you can discuss religion, your lack thereof, beliefs, and faith.  Mentally, you can talk about your personalities, how each of you handle certain things and how you can change and become better.  Physically, you can discuss intimacy, monogamy, etc.  I don't want to dictate what discussions are important to you, only you know that...but the discussions are important and necessary on this side of the relationship...

Once you have tackled these issues, and a man or woman for that matter, has proven him or her self worthy, you are now ready to pick your #1 draft pick.  NEXT: PICK YOUR PLAYER!

Great Expectations

"But I've got to know
Body and soul
That you've got no doubt
inside and out
We are whole"
Body and Soul-Anita Baker

We sometimes focus so much on the physical side of relationships, we forget that there are major factors that come into the play that have nothing to do with sex.   When you get caught up in the whirlwind of a sexual relationship, especially when you have been lonely or feeling down, it can elevate you to a level above reality.  The key is to bring yourself down long enough to discuss with someone those key things that make a relationship sustainable outside of and including the physical. 

Someone really smart once told me that there are four areas that he thinks are necessarily to discuss with someone...and he schooled me a little bit.  So let me in turn school you. 

1.  Emotional-For most women, the emotional and the physical go hand in hand.  This is not so often true for men.  Men can compartmentalize sex in a way that women generally cannot.  The way a man feels about you is one thing, his connection with your sexually is another.  They do intersect, but they are not one in the same.  For a man, the key emotional issues is that he feels appreciated and wanted.  It seems to simple to be true, but it is true...ask any man.  For women, we have a laundry list of emotional needs...but if we break those down, they generally consist of  feeling desired, safe, protected, and loved unconditionally.  Not at all very different from what men want.  We all, in general, want to be loved by someone and know that they want us in their lives and are happy we are in their lives.  We make this known through our actions, but learning what each other likes, wants, and needs, and attempting to fill the person's life with those things. 

2.  Mental-Communication is the one thing that ruins most relationships.  It is the lack thereof that causes a breakdown of trust and openness.  When you are in constant dialogue with someone, you are constantly opening yourself up by revealing parts of yourself to them.  You are also providing and getting the feedback you need to start to trust the person.  In addition to communication, another key component of a mental relationship is how well you match up intellectually.  This has nothing to do with your job, your salary, or any matieral issue...but instead, how well you connect on issues that are important to you.  That you both are on the same page concerning the business aspects of your relationship (finances, children, etc.).  You both bring something to the table that is going to help make you a better unit.  And knowledge that if one of you is weak, the other person is strong enough to take over temporarily. 

3.  Spiritual-Now this is not the same as religious.  It does not mean that you both go to church every Sunday, unless that is something you have both discussed is important in your lives.  What is does mean is that you both have some fundamental similarities in terms of your spiritual selves.  You both believe in God, in a higher power, or in something other than yourselves.  You have a similar set of beliefs about the world, your place in it, and how you are guided through the world.  You have to be open to discuss your attitudes about what role religion, if any, plays in your lives and how you will express your spritiual beliefs. 

4.  Physical-Most people get down to the actual behavior before they ever discuss the place this will have in their relationship.  Their expectations, their wants, their ideas, and responsibility.  It is important to discuss these things BEFORE you embark on a physical relationship, because as we all know, this is the one area that can take you from  First Base to a Home Run in a matter of minutes.  It is important to discuss exclusivitiy, committment, trust, and yes, protection, when you are having a sexual relationship with someone.  Talking about these things will actually remove alot of the questions in your mind, and make for a better and less stressful experience with your mate. 

So make a date to sit down and talk...making your wants, needs, and expectations known is only going to give you more time to enjoy each other! 

A Woman's Worth

" Cause a real man, knows a real woman, when he sees her..."

Emphasis on the word "REAL"

What is a real man, what is a real woman....and how do you know you have found one?
Well...u just have to look the basics of manhood and womanhood and see if the person is going towards those or against those...
Manhood...men are taught to protect and provide. 
Womanhood...women are taught to love, to nurture, to support. 

So, if you have a man who makes it his major business to take care of you, financially and otherwise, and to make sure that at all costs, ALL COSTS, you are safe and secure...he is a man.
If you have a woman, who loves you with all of her being without conditions, she takes care of you and lets you know you are appreciated, and she stands by you...she is a woman. 
A woman will still be a woman, even if you are not a man...and vice versa.  She may cease loving, nurturing, and supporting you....but she will forever be those things to the man who provides and protects her.  Same for a man...if you are loving him, taking care of him, and supporting him...he is going to provide and protect for you, period.  If he is not, he does not quite understand what being a man is about...

Part of that protection and providing...is about honoring you.  He loves you, he wants to see that you have everything you need and want.  He wants to make sure you are happy, you are smiling, and you are able to give him what he needs, because you have what you need.  He will keep his word, he will adhere to your standards, and he will be the man that you need him to be, in order for you to stay with him.  If you have only some of that, you have what older people like to call a "piece'o'man"...and you should want and you deserve a whole man....one with arms, legs, shoulders, a brain, a heart, and courage. 

A real man knows a woman's worth.  He knows that he cannot get that kind of love and support from anyone else, and no matter how close he and his friends are, he and his mother are, or he and his brothers are...he will honor you and keep you...and provide and protect, because he knows your worth. 

Talk to Me

" Your ears should be burning ..."

Women and men communicate differently...it is one of the hard realities of relationships that cause us to have the most friction. 
Men are simple.  Women are complex. 
It is not that men are simple minded or women are difficult...it is at its heart the result of the different ways that we are taught to deal with our emotions, problems, our feelings, etc. 
Men are taught to suck it up, be logical and as free from emotion as possible, to get to the result, to push their feelings aside and deal with reality. 
Women are taught to cry it out, to let their hearts rule, to be more process driven, to talk about their feelings and to use them when making decisions. 
As a result, women are the 2 +2 and men are the 4. 

How do we work through these differences in order to have a successful relationship with one another. 
Well, I cannot say this is THE answer, but it is the only solution I have come up with thus far.
Getting a man to understand my every in and out would be similar to a sane person trying to understand a serial killer...it is not meant for and sort of impossible for that to happen, unless they both are insane.  The same is true with men and women.  Women will never understand why men are so simple, and men will never understand all the complexities of a woman.  The truth of the matter is...we need to learn to accept what is, love each other, and work through our differences when we come to them, at a middle ground. 
A woman wants a man to know when...a man wants to tell a woman when...but neither approach works with the other. 
Instead of using the approach that works with YOU, try the approach that works with the person you need something from...and keep in mind that while these are generalizations, there are varying degrees of this from person to person.  With me, tell me what you want or need and I will do the same.  We can suspend the conversation until after the want or need is met, because we will both be in a better place.  For some women, that won't work...so you have to know your mate.  If your woman is typcially emotional, get to know her well, so that you can almost sense her wants.  If she gets sad and needs to be held, try to get to know what sadness looks like on her.  If she gets angry and wants you to get out of the way so she can clean, figure out what angry looks like on her.  If she is like me...a little more realistic and a little less emotional...you may be able to get away with being more direct with her. 
For women, if you have that man's man, come at him in a way he can understand, straight up no chaser.  You need help with the kids, time to yourself, whatever...let him know.  Suspend your emotion, don't come at him crying and weepy, just talk to him, he will usually concur, because you have communicated with him in a way that makes sense to him.  If your man is a little more emotional, you might be able to be a little less direct...but in my experience, the more direct you are with a man, the better his understanding and more likely your needs or wants will be met. 
Communication is key to any healthy relationship.  Before you embark on a serious relationship with someone, it is key that you discuss your mode of communication, how you tend to deal with things, and what you can and cannot tolerate, so each of you will be on the same page.  Realize that men and women are different, but ultimately we all want to be secure in our relationships, which means knowing that our needs and wants are going to be met. 

Song of the Day:  House of Cards by Radiohead

You Got Me

Most people would say I have a pretty modern and non-traditionalist take on life.  I tend to like to rebel against the status quo.  I don't like traditions, I prefer to make every thing I do, my own.  However, there is one small area, that happens to be a big part of most of our lives, where my views are atypical to that which I would normally subscribe.

The Roles of Men and Women

I had a conversation recently with someone, and I was telling him that I believe that while women set the stage for whether a man has a chance with her, it is ultimately up to that man to choose her, to pick her for himself.  Sounds a little archaic huh...well, lemme explain. 

I used to think this kind of thing was ridiculous...that women were nurturers and caregivers and men were hunters, gatherers, and providers.  I thought that women and men could and should be all of those things interchangeably depending on the need in the family...and I still do believe that.  HOWEVER, I think that generally, we are going to take on one of these sets of roles more than the other.  So, in my opinion, God has set a foundation for what He knows to be the best situation for a man and woman to create a stable family for a lifetime.  Biologically, men are hunters and gatherers.  Men tend to be stronger, bigger, more logical, , competitive, and task-oriented.   Women tend to be better with communicating, emotion, are physically weaker but more flexible, better team players, and results oriented.  Within a family, both perceptions are needed in decision making...but before you even get to the family, the simple act of picking a mate must take place.  That, I believe...should be left up the man. 

Now, I am not saying women should sit idly by and wait on a man to pick them...you have to make yourself attractive, interesting, and available to the type of men you want to be with.  Once you set your sights on him, because you may actually notice him before he notices you, you have to be willing to put yourself into the spotlight just a tad, to make an impression.  If you make the right impression, and if that man is right for you, he will take notice.  As long as you keep each other interested, when the time comes to decide if you all should take your casual relationship further into a more serious one...I think that you should be chosen...
The thrill of the hunt is in the chase...and if you are only doing a small jog, it will be an easy conquest...keep going on with your life, live, have fun, make him a part of your life, but not your entire life...and keep running...he will catch you if he wants you...and if he wants to keep you, he will choose you to be with him, because all of this is about timing...you miss out on your chance, you may never get the chance again. 

Now, I a am a pretty tough cookie...so it is going to take someone strong and convicted in what he wants to win me over enough for me to even make myself available to him...but once that is done, I am pretty much ripe for the picking.  You have to pick strong and sure though.  I don't want to have to assure you, or make you believe I am the right pick.  I will do my part to show you what I have to offer if I believe we will make a good match, after that, the choice is yours....

"You can get with this, or you can get with that...but this is where it's at"

Song of the Day: You Got Me by the Roots and Erykah Badu

When the Money Goes

" When the money goes, will the honey stay, will the gray clouds replace the sunny days?"

I could beat around the bush, but it is typically not my style. 
So, in a nutshell, the answer to the above question, is  yes. 

Love is an emotion and an action, it is about being shown you are loved, being told, and being secure in that.  It is a wonderful feeling that can be tainted by bad behaviour and unfortunate circumstances. 
Love is definitely affected by the outside world, as you cannot love someone in a box. 
Love is affected by faithfulness,  affection, attention, communication, trust...I could go on... but it is extremely rooted in stability...

Men tend to want the stablility of not being left, of a woman standing beside him through anything life throws their way.  Women tend to want the stability of being cared for and protected.  Such different expectations of a relationship, often lead to different expectations in those roots of love.  And when a man goes from being a provider to a boarder...it changes things. 

Money is a commodity, it is a bartering tool.  The more money you have, the more power you have in the world of goods and services.  We need some of these goods and services to live...food, water, shelther, clothes...and some of those goods and services are expendable, but maintain a level of comfort, luxury, or stability.  For example, if monthly you pay to get your lawn manicured, go to the spa, for a fitness membership, a maid every two weeks, and a babysitter on your monthly date night...and suddenly you don't have the means to do those things, it is going to put a small stress on your relationship.  Expand that to not being able to pay the utilities, bigger strain...the mortgage, even bigger...food, a nightmare.  Will the love still be good, probably not.  A man that is unable, at his most meager, to help keep a roof over my head and food in the refrigerator is not adding, but subtracting from my life.  What love has he earned?  What honey would stay?

I would never simply leave someone because he has fallen on bad times, as I would not want anyone to treat me the same.  However, it is one thing to be having a bad moment, and another to be displaying a lack of motivation and a basic understanding of necessities.  As wonderful as love is, it is does pay for anything, it cannot be given to the gas man when he comes to turn off the meter, as a promissory note. 

Make sure you find yourself, a hustler...not in the street sense of the term, but a man who is going to provide, no matter what...if he has to sell lemons on the side of the street, put up a tent and draw pictures at the local fair, or stick out a little leg (I am kidding)...he is going to make sure that you are taken care of, and that the honey stays. 

Song of the Day:  Upgrade You by Beyonce

One More Chance

"If I stumble if I fall, just help me back."

We all make mistakes.  Some of our mistakes are forgivable, and some...well...heinous crimes!
For every action there is a reaction, that you cannot control, and once you make a mistake, the next move is on the other player.  So, what happens when you are on the giving or the receiving end of that mistake, and you want another chance...

How many times has she said something hurtful?  How many times did he say he would call and did not?  Or what about the time she just never showed up, or he forgot your birthday?
In your heart, you want to forgive, but your head is telling you that someone who cares for you just would not do certain things.  And both your head and your heart are correct.  Forgiveness is important, much more important for you than for them.  However, forgiving someone and allowing or accepting the behavior are not one in the same.  Your head is telling you to make sure they understand that this behavior is not going to be tolerated...or, if this is say, their tenth time doing the same shit over and over, then your head is telling you to stop, look and listen before you get run over by the run away train called Jerk.
Whatever the case, it is key, to take stock of your expectations and your wants, and decide if it is a mistake that can simply be solved by an apology, or if this time, you are going to need some time to make sure they don't think you are a pushover!

Likewise, just as you have been on the receiving end, you have given your fair share too.  I know I have.
When you are the one giving your mate the flux, you have to own up to it, apologize, and assure them that you are not going to continue the same foolish crap.  It is not that easy though.  The real test, is honoring your word.  If you make the assurance, stick to it.  Learn from the way your partner felt, and if you don't want to find yourself partner LESS it might be a good idea to decide to never, purposely, make them feel that way again.  If you continue to do the same stupid stuff over and over, you are purposely hurting them...so stop making those same mistakes.    Also important:  Take stock of those things that you do, like a laundry list, and discard those negative behaviors from your repertoire.  When you see yourself moving towards to acting in those less than desirable ways, punish yourself before you even start.   Could be as simple as making yourself work out a few extra minutes, or it could be one extra date when instead of going dutch, you have to pay.  Bet you will start rethinking those silly mistakes then...when it hits you in the pockets.

Whatever the case, remember that we all are human and subject to a faux pas every now and then!!!


Song of the Day: One More Night by Phil Collins

Reborn

U awakened me from the dead
Breathed air into my lungs
Cured the rigor mortis
Life has just begun

U got my neurons to fire
Gave my heart a shock
I got feeling in my toes
Suddenly its not so dark

U gave me resuscitation
I no longer feel the pain
Turned my switch to on
I'm calling out your name

U gave me all your love
Cured my broken heart
Yet u were always there
In my heart from the start.

Song of the Day: My Heart Will Go On-Celine Dion

Brokenhearted

"Only brokenhearted, life's not over..."

As much as you HATE to hear stuff like this when your heart has just been gouged open with a machete...it is still the truth.

Heartbreak is a part of life. I for one, have had my heart broken many times..more than I care to remember, in fact.  As devastating and gut wrenching an experience it is, the fact is that, your first heartbreak won't seem as bad as your second, and your second as bad as your third.  Heartbreak, is in the moment.  It is worse when you are living in the middle of it...and the farther away from it you get, the easier it becomes to sleep without what seemed to be the requisite tears, to smile again, to feel human again, to realize that your life, is not in fact, over.

I am smack dab in the middle of heartbreak...unfortunately, mine has lasted a bit longer this time than in times past.  I am at the point of heartbreak where my heart is starting to mend itself, although every now and then I hear a crack or two, a reminder of that once intense feeling that someone had punched me in the stomach; that my life, as I had know it, had been one big lie; that I would never love or want to love again; and that I was so alone, I needed my own version of "Wilson" to keep me company.

Although the mountain is extremely high and there are so many landslides along the way, you think you will never be able to rough the terrain, there is life on the other side of heartbreak.  I, for one, have seen glimpses of my life in the future...and while I once thought I would never want to hear the word love...I now know that love is not the reason for my heartbreak.

As hard as it is to see past heartbreak, the one thing that I have learned, that allows me to keep pushing through it is this...being hurt by someone you love is never about love, it is always about fear.
I refuse to let fear, be it my own or someone else's, control any second of my life.  I refuse to allow it to play a part in the decisions I make about my future.  I refuse to give it any power...
So in that spirit, I will allow heartbreak to run its course, but at the end of its run...I will love again.

"Love, for better or worse, I still will choose you first"

Song of the Day: Love by Musiq Soulchild