I have never been one of those people who invites people into my life easily. I like and enjoy people socially, but inviting them into my life on a personal level is a whole other monster, one whose tracks I rarely follow. So, for me, friendship, the stepping stone to any relationship, is a serious matter...it is about fun and lightness, support and comfort, confidences and truth, and add in a few cocktails and great songs to dance to...and you have yourself a party!!!!
I have had many an ordeal in my life...fighting death, moving across country, man after man after man after man problems, law school, confrontations, family issues...you name it! Friends are those people who celebrate your victories and dry your tears during your failures. So, when one of my friends is celebrating a victory or mourning a loss, I want to be there for them because they are like family to me, I care for them just as much, if not more, than I do some of my actual family.
So when you realize you really don't care anymore...?
I wear my heart on my sleeve and my attitude on my face. It is not hard to read me, I tend to not hide it well. I have alot going on in my life at this moment, and I really don't need it complicated, especially by somoeone who does not seem to really care too much about anyone or anything but themselves. My mother always says that people can say or do whatever they want, with the understanding that the person to whome their words or actions are directed is going to have a reaction...it might be walking away, it might be socking you dead in your eye, it might be hugging you, it might be putting one through your temple...you never know! For every action, in other words, there is a reaction...maybe equal maybe not. You can say whatever you feel...you can do whatever you want. At the end of your turn, I get a turn.
So, when I have resolved my hurt feelings and my "fuck you" attitude, at the end of all of that, I am left with just one simple question...continue or end. And at this point in my life...as someone I love dearly has so eloquently and realistically written...all dead shit must end.
I don't think I could ever have the same fun with you; there is a thick smog in the air that has ruined the lightness; I get more support from a training bra; smog makes it really uncomfortable to breathe; I am no more confident in my ability to be your friend than I am in my ability to be honest with you without fallout...and while I plan to have many cocktails, I probably should refrain around you for fear the truth serum will really make me tell u what I am feeling, and the party...the party always goes on!
And you are correct my dear friend...all dead shit must end. Mourn it, bury it, and move on.
"Ya'll should grow the fuck up, come here lemme coach you"
Song of the Day: On to the Next One-Jay-Z
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friends. Show all posts
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Friends...how many of us have them...
You have to be the kind of friend you want to have...it is true!
If you want your friends to be thoughtful and kind, you have to be thoughtful and kind.
If you want your friends to be fun and interesting, you have to be fun and interesting.
If you simply want your friends to have your back, you have to have their backs as well.
Friendship is possibly the most important relationship you can have with another person, aside from a parent-child relationship. Friendship is the foundation upon which all great intimate relationships are built. It is the cornerstone for most of the connections you will have with other people in your life. And once you grow older, even your parents become your friends. It is actually a pretty amazing connection to have with another person.
That said, lately, I have been hearing alot of things that have disturbed me from people I know, about how their friends have been behaving...and it made me think, what are the rules of friendship...are there even rules.
Well, a simple answer is...HELL YEAH there are rules to friendship...certain codes that you just don't break, well not if you plan to keep your friends.
Rule #1: What is discussed between you and a friend should stay between u and a friend, unless there is some understanding between the two of you that you can tell other friends, etc.
It is extremely important for friends to be able to trust that what they tell you in confidence, remains in confidence.
Rule #2: Never be passive aggressive. My mother loves to say passive aggressive people should be shot in public...now, I wouldn't go that far, but I do believe that passive aggressive behavior has no place in a friendship. You have to speak up and out, not be afraid to say what is on your mind, and be honest with your friends. Beating around the bush is just not going to cut it.
Rule #3: Know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away and know when to run...
Get to know who your friends are, and when things happen, whether it is an argument, a mere disagreement, a friend is doing something you believe is harmful to themselves or other, or you simply think what they said or did was utterly ridiculous, whatever the case, you have to know your audience, so you can act accordingly. Know when it is the right time to step up and say something, or when it is the right time to just be a quiet support.
Rule #4: Loyalty
Loyalty is key...I often tell my friends, who are all much more like sisters to me than "just" friends...that I would help them hide a body...again, okay, this is all jokes...but the real meaning is that I am loyal to them and will help them in any way possible, within my limited powers. When your friends know and can trust that you are loyal to them, they always feel supported and will in turn, support you.
Rule #5: Boundaries
Even friendships have boundaries, and you have to both respect the boundaries and set up the boundaries. When someone is starting to cross your boundaries, friend or no friend, you have to make sure they understand your limitations...it makes for a much healthier and easy relationship when all people involved know what will and will not be tolerated.
Rule #6: Connection
Make a special connection, that only you and that person have, with each of your friends. Many people tend to have a core group of friends, but it is important to have relationships with all of those people independent from the group. Friendships are not group relationships, they are personal relationships, and when you don't take time out to make a connection with all of the people you consider your friends, don't be surprised if it turns out they were never your friend.
Rule #7: Pick up the phone. Every once in a while, make sure you communicate with your friends. Even if you one day realize it has been a year since you spoke, you most likely can call up that friend and pick right back up where you left off, be it last week or last year. Even if it is just to call to check on the person...(it is imperative in establishing a connection with the person, see Rule #6).
Friends...ones you can depend on!
Song of the Day: Fairweather Friend by Johnny Gill
If you want your friends to be thoughtful and kind, you have to be thoughtful and kind.
If you want your friends to be fun and interesting, you have to be fun and interesting.
If you simply want your friends to have your back, you have to have their backs as well.
Friendship is possibly the most important relationship you can have with another person, aside from a parent-child relationship. Friendship is the foundation upon which all great intimate relationships are built. It is the cornerstone for most of the connections you will have with other people in your life. And once you grow older, even your parents become your friends. It is actually a pretty amazing connection to have with another person.
That said, lately, I have been hearing alot of things that have disturbed me from people I know, about how their friends have been behaving...and it made me think, what are the rules of friendship...are there even rules.
Well, a simple answer is...HELL YEAH there are rules to friendship...certain codes that you just don't break, well not if you plan to keep your friends.
Rule #1: What is discussed between you and a friend should stay between u and a friend, unless there is some understanding between the two of you that you can tell other friends, etc.
It is extremely important for friends to be able to trust that what they tell you in confidence, remains in confidence.
Rule #2: Never be passive aggressive. My mother loves to say passive aggressive people should be shot in public...now, I wouldn't go that far, but I do believe that passive aggressive behavior has no place in a friendship. You have to speak up and out, not be afraid to say what is on your mind, and be honest with your friends. Beating around the bush is just not going to cut it.
Rule #3: Know when to hold em, know when to fold em, know when to walk away and know when to run...
Get to know who your friends are, and when things happen, whether it is an argument, a mere disagreement, a friend is doing something you believe is harmful to themselves or other, or you simply think what they said or did was utterly ridiculous, whatever the case, you have to know your audience, so you can act accordingly. Know when it is the right time to step up and say something, or when it is the right time to just be a quiet support.
Rule #4: Loyalty
Loyalty is key...I often tell my friends, who are all much more like sisters to me than "just" friends...that I would help them hide a body...again, okay, this is all jokes...but the real meaning is that I am loyal to them and will help them in any way possible, within my limited powers. When your friends know and can trust that you are loyal to them, they always feel supported and will in turn, support you.
Rule #5: Boundaries
Even friendships have boundaries, and you have to both respect the boundaries and set up the boundaries. When someone is starting to cross your boundaries, friend or no friend, you have to make sure they understand your limitations...it makes for a much healthier and easy relationship when all people involved know what will and will not be tolerated.
Rule #6: Connection
Make a special connection, that only you and that person have, with each of your friends. Many people tend to have a core group of friends, but it is important to have relationships with all of those people independent from the group. Friendships are not group relationships, they are personal relationships, and when you don't take time out to make a connection with all of the people you consider your friends, don't be surprised if it turns out they were never your friend.
Rule #7: Pick up the phone. Every once in a while, make sure you communicate with your friends. Even if you one day realize it has been a year since you spoke, you most likely can call up that friend and pick right back up where you left off, be it last week or last year. Even if it is just to call to check on the person...(it is imperative in establishing a connection with the person, see Rule #6).
Friends...ones you can depend on!
Song of the Day: Fairweather Friend by Johnny Gill
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